Firestripes.....After my father died, my mother became my 5th child. Although she was very healthy, for a 80 year old, she missed my father and their life together. We lived 15 miles apart, my family, adults with their own families were attentive to her whenever she needed something, anything. My mother had/has a son, but unfortunately, he was not interested in her welfare and never visited her or called her. The rare times he would call me, his questions regarding her were more out of guilt than concern or love. I never expected anymore from him and was not shocked by his behavior, as he led his own life without her or me for that matter for many years.
As the years went on, she became less in control of her everyday activities. He legs became painful, even though she was always very active in her senior housing, delivering meals and visiting her ailing neighbors. She had a minor blood pressure issue and of course the failure of her legs, but no major or chronic health problems. Suddenly, she developed some TIA's (small, minor strokes) which caused some minor short lived confusion. After her failing leg strength was not responding to medication, my husband and I brooched the subject of moving into a assisted living development within a mile of my house. At first, giving up her apartment and with it, her independence, was not something she wanted to do. Months later, she agreed and she moved in to a lovely senior assistant apartment very close to my home. I visited this facility at least 4 times a week willingly. I was trying to get her to become more active with the other residents, take short trips, go to outside lunches but she wouldn't. Unfortunately, her stay in that facility only lasted less than a year. She had a stroke and was forced to leave this facility and be admitted to its neighboring nursing home. Once there her health and mood changed and I feel she just gave up. I spent from 8am (breakfast) to 6pm (dinner) everyday with her. My mother never became confused or unable to carry on a conersation. Those last 7 months that I spent everyday with her are ones that I will cherish for the rest of my life. We talked together everyday about the old days, hers and mine as a child. She told me stories that I had never heard before about so much of her young life, married life, relationships, main life events and so much more. The best part of this time we had together was when she told me how much she loved our "time together, just chatting" and remembering some of the old songs that she loved to sing, and I loved to hear as a little girl. What a gift that time was for me too.....one that 11 years later, I think of everyday.
My hope for you ise that you schedule a visit to you family physician. Talk to him regarding your depressive feelings and your fear that you are somehow failing your family. What you are feeling right now is your fear of losing your mother and is nothing to be ashamed of. Most fortunate women have a loving and close relationship with their mothers until the day we lose them and beyond. Your family knows what you are going through and if appropriate (not knowing the ages of your children) perhaps they can help with her care so that you can step away for a short time.
Don't wait. See your doctor now before the eventual happens. There is no shame in taking antidepressants, they take a while to work and you need to start them asap for your own mental health and for that of your family.
We're only human and sometimes we need a little help to get us through the hard times.
Good luck to you.
Blogs & Forums
