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06-27-2019 03:36 PM
@Mama Mia I'm so sorry for your loss...I can't even imagine life without my DH!
When my mom died, I had no trouble getting rid of her clothes, shoes, bags...it was her jewelry! I just took the box home with me, and put it away for about 6 months. She didn't have a lot, and it was mostly costume stuff. When I finally got around to going through it, I actually had no problem dispersing the few "real" items among my nieces, along with most of her nicer costume pieces. The only "real" thing I kept was a mother's ring I had given her several years before--it has mine & my brothers' birthstones. I also kept a costume jewelry necklace I'd given her...I still wear that. What I could not make myself get rid of was her "junk" jewelry, don't know why, but I just put it in a small box on my closet shelf.
Now, 10 years later, I finally tossed the remainder of her "junk" jewelry a couple of months ago--and trust me, it was definitely junk, lol!
Take your time, keep what you want, for as long as you want...you'll know when the time is right!
06-27-2019 03:38 PM
It's one of the hard parts of losing someone we love. Most people who have lost a loved one know exactly how you feel. Some people can't do it, they put it off for years. I remember when I was a kid and my Nana passed, my grandfather couldn't bring his self to do it for a long time, well over a year and then one day, he told my mother that he was going to visit an old friend for a few days and if my mom and my sister wanted "do something" with their mother's things; it was ok with him. It was time. I remember that my mom and my aunt and my Nana's best friend did it all in one weekend.
06-27-2019 04:03 PM - edited 06-27-2019 05:23 PM
My Mother was bedridden for thirteen years. Towards the end, we got rid of all her jewelry and clothing. This was fortunate as we lived on the opposite coast. Additionally, my cousin and my aunt volunteered to clean out house before it was sold (of course, I gave each of them appropriate compensation for all the time they spent doing this for me).
06-27-2019 04:36 PM
So many of us have been in your shoes and we know just how you feel.
When my husband passed a little over a year ago, I didn’t want anything to change. I didn’t move a single piece of furniture, his clothes or personal things. I couldn’t even bring myself to do his laundry! (And I can relate to @birdmama with the shoes, only mine were slippers by the bedroom couch.) Little by little, despite my best intentions, things changed anyway. And little by little, his presence in the house receded. I still have many of his things around, but I was finally able to dispose of most. Even though my life is going on, I still can’t believe he isn’t here. Somehow I have the feeling that I will always feel this way.
06-27-2019 05:20 PM
@geezerette My husband had a knack for leaving his shoes by that cart in my kitchen. I just couldn't get rid of them for the longest time. My philosophy was, I'm alone in the house and don't need to explain how I grieve to anyone else. I was not giving myself a nervous breakdown to humor other people.
06-27-2019 06:22 PM
My dad passed 15 years ago, and as far as I know, his clothes are still in his chest of drawers. Dad was disabled, and had a very small wardrobe of comfortable pieces; nothing worth donating. There was no need for Mom to stress herself to get rid of his things; she still feels my dad’s presence in the house, which brings her much comfort.
06-27-2019 06:25 PM
When my father died, right after the services ... my brother and I asked our mother if she wanted us to take care of his things.
She said yes - and we took all the clothes to a homeless shelter for men.
For us - it was easiest to deal with it right away.
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