Dad made us promise we wouldn't put Mom in a home - Page 7

PINKdogWOOD · ‎05-13-2010

It was VERY unfortunate for my sister & me that we lost our Dad before mom. We knew in our hearts that this would likely happen. We did not at all get along with mom. She so depended on Dad for everything. We truly thought she'd very soon after he did but she lasted 5 years.

Dad knew in his heart it was going to be very hard for him to leave us to care for her and it was. The only thing he said to us was 'to take care of your mother' and we did. We did not at all abandon her, it was very hard in many ways.

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

From my observations on this, JMHO, there's better places now, than what I think our older family members realize. More inspections are done now and standards are pretty high for this type of business. I know there's always the exceptions to the rule that slide by, but you can go to these places and check them out, to fit what you need to work for you. I think a lot of the older folks have these horrible ideas of what is.

SahmIam · ‎04-16-2010

I wasted my time writing something else because I THOUGHT this was an honest question.

Will remember this poster next time she asks something "serious".

reiki604 · ‎03-09-2010

I just wonder if at anytime during her life anyone bothered to ask mom what she wanted?

'I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man'.......Unknown

shoptilyadropagain · ‎03-19-2014

I feel so fortunate in that my parents have never put that pressure on my brother or I. My dad passed at the end of May and we had to put him in a nursing/rehab home for a month before he passed. He (and my mom) was OK with it because 1) my mom (and the family) was physically unable to care for him at home and 2) he didn't want to be a burden to her anyway. While he was in the nursing home, there were family or friends with him from practically the time he woke up until he went to sleep at night. Our family did everything we could to make him as comfortable as possible. My mother has never asked that of us either.

As others have mentioned, you never know, healthwise, what lies ahead and unless you're able to afford round the clock nurse/health care, there might not be any other option.

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, but Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.
- Author Unknown

kdgn · ‎03-09-2010

I've seen similar commercials and I don't like them. Just the sentence alone "Dad made us promise we wouldn't put Mom in a home." casts aspersions on assisted care and nursing home facilities. That's the point of the commercial-keeping Mom at home is so much better than placing her.

The commercial I've seen has nice young women helping Mom with tea, getting the mail, etc. Mom is fully mobile, just appears to have confusion about remembering to turn off the burner under the tea kettle. That alone is a danger sign-

While it would be nice to keep Mom in familiar surroundings, the truth of the matter is finding reliable help that will be there on time and ready to work each shift doesn't always happen. What it also not mentioned in the commercials is that the expense of home health aids is a lot more than placing someone in a nursing home/assisted living, depending on the area of the country you live in.

So Mom stays trapped at home with shifts of home health aids instead of being placed in assisted living or a nursing home where there are activities geared for them, social interaction, room to roam......good meals provided, cleaning services, immediate medical help. Licensed facilities.....vs fingers crossed that the home health aids show up and do what they are supposed to do.

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

I never take a question posed as the original post is, to be any kind of a declaration of their own personal circumstances. If they don't elaborate or personalize it, then I take it as a question in general, to be discussed in theory, and not to be answered as a direct 'help me' question.

@Moonchilde wrote:
@bri20 wrote:
I had a feeling this wasn't a legitimate question.

I just feel bad for the people who answer it sincerely and believe the OP is in distress.

SeaMaiden · ‎03-10-2010

@Lila Belle What a terrible promise to put on a child..... how selfish.

sidsmom · ‎11-25-2011

Threads like this be like:

Isobel Archer · ‎04-04-2015

@Lila Belle wrote:
I asked a question. Posters gave their opinions and made judgements about me and my family.
I'm sorry I asked the question.

Perhaps if you had put the sentence in quotes and asked for thoughts, it would have been clearer that you wanted discussion about the premise. However, as posted- Dad made US promise... - it is hardly surprising that posters thought it was personal.

Actually, even if you had done the former, it seems clear that this is a thread asking for judgment about people's decisions.