Community Chat

[nun ya]

nothing more than a power trip. 

[JeanLouiseFinch]

Not that it's right, but I have a feeling there might be more to this story than what the parents shared.  I'm wondering if their thought process was that her grades were slipping because she was being lazy or going out with friends and not getting her homework done?  Who knows, maybe a little ditching of class too?  They decided to fix her wagon by keeping her busy with the house cleaning.  No, that wouldn't help her grades any.   And if the parents thought it would, they have other problems.  Not that slipping grades are a crime that need to be punished, but by way of analogy, the punishment should fit the crime.  The daughter obviously needs help, more encouragement, someone to get her focussed and back on track, even a tutor if necessary.  With both parents working, it's possible she needs some real attention from them.  She could be having emotional or social issues that are causing her grades to go down.  Putting her to work got them a clean house but didn't do a lick for the daughter's better understanding of any of the subject matter or anything else she might be stuggling with.

We had kind of a similar situation when our kids were little.  One of our kids was involved with a couple of other kids and got themselves into a little trouble at a neighbor's house.  DH and I marched ours over there, to own up to it and apologize, and we put him to work at the neighbor's house cleaning their garage to make ammends for what he did wrong.  The mom of the the other two made them clean their rooms or something equally ridiculous.  They never had to face the neighbor, which I thought really stunk.  They didn't learn a thing and ours pretty much shouldered the blame for the whole incident.    

[151949]

I think parents have to start at first grade impressing upon their children how important it is to get good grades and to teach them the importance of hard work.My father was taken out of school in third grade and put to work at Clark candy factory. He taught himself to read as his children did -- doing our homework with us. He was quick to point out to us all the things we couldn't have in life because we were poor but that people who are educated did have. 

IMO - if your starting to try to change a child's way of thinking at age 16 - you are way too late and are unlikely to be successful.

[CAMOGIRL]

No.

But it probably did wonders for the teenager/parent resentment thing,,,

[Vivian]

I’ll tell you what my daughter and I did with my then-teen grandson. He was doing the minimum in high school. His grades were OK but we knew he could be doing better. I was an academic advisor at a university so my daughter asked me to talk to my grandson. Knowing that lectures don’t work, I crafted a deal. I told my grandson that I would finance a month at a local college near me. He’d live in the dorm, take a class of his choosing, and get a glimpse of college life...to see what could lie ahead if he put in more effort in high school. It was a special program for high school students.

The deal worked. My grandson had a fantastic experience. He loved his professor, got an A in the class, met some great kids, and saw what it was like to put in the effort on his way to college. When he returned to his senior year in high school, his grades improved, and he made the honor society. My grandson went to a state university, where he did very well. He graduated in 2016, got a great job, and was just promoted.

Teens learn more by direct experience than through lectures or even bribery. Cleaning the house was a totally negative experience. To expect a 16 year old to make the connection between house cleaning and academic excellence is wishful thinking. It’s punishment. Sending my grandson to a beautiful school where he was trusted to be on his own and do well sent the right message. It worked.

[Bri36]

It depends on why I felt the grades were low - is this a new issue or an ongoing issue.  Is it because of low test scores, late homework, coming late to class, not participating.

I would definitely talk to my child and the student and see what could be done.  

My youngest daugher had a problem turning in assignments on time.  I worked with the teacher to make sure it was rectified.  

Cleaning the house from top to bottom has nothing to do with improving grades, IMO.

[SahmIam]

I'm there with a kid having grade issues. Their choice was a huge FAIL, IMHO.

There are many reasons (especially today) for low grades, especially if it isn't the norm for the child or that subject matter. They didn't help her OR the situation; obviously, the parents didn't want to be bothered so they ordered her to clean the house and went on their merry way.

That's kinda the norm today......

[Winifred]

What works for one may not work for another. I have a great grandson living with me and he is just plain lazy. He is now attending what is called a Community SChool and doing much much better. That does not mean he still does not have a way to go. The one thing which still makes his grades not as good as they should be is he is bone lazy. Have NOT found the right answer yet to get him to get his act together. I fault his MOther for being the culprit as he is her "baby" and quite frankly she does nothing to help and rewards him by buying junk food for him?. He is perhaps 70 pounds - at least - overweight. He comes home, sleeps and then stays up a lot at night and eats during the night. I cannot physically get him to the dentist or regular MD for checkups. He has this hangup about doing what HE wants and not much else. Not real simple as he is very bright but just has no desire to do anything. I have refused to replace his cell phone - almost a year now - and it did nothing to change him and that cell phone was his world. Laziness is the big issue and I suspect depression. His Dad raised him when he was younger and he did great. His Dad messed up and then my grandson floated and I took him in. At least he is being cared for and yes, his grades have come up from several years of all F's to now only two F's. Am grateful for that but like his teacher says if he does not want to work he simply puts his head down on the desk. This school works with the kids and that is good but would sure love to see him move faster. Changing to this school was one of the best things as they gear to kids not doing well. No homework which is a blessing as he would not do it.

So to me if a young one is doing nothing and they are assigned to clean at home, quite frankly that means they are doing something and hopefully it will pay off down the road. The electronics of today to me are not all good for some young ones. Life is different.

[Group 5 minus 1]

Why did they want her grades to improve? She was old enought to make up her own mind.

And don't talk about college! Theret are many fine professions that do not need a college degree.

[CrazyDaisy]

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wrote:

What works for one may not work for another. I have a great grandson living with me and he is just plain lazy. He is now attending what is called a Community SChool and doing much much better. That does not mean he still does not have a way to go. The one thing which still makes his grades not as good as they should be is he is bone lazy. Have NOT found the right answer yet to get him to get his act together. I fault his MOther for being the culprit as he is her "baby" and quite frankly she does nothing to help and rewards him by buying junk food for him?. He is perhaps 70 pounds - at least - overweight. He comes home, sleeps and then stays up a lot at night and eats during the night. I cannot physically get him to the dentist or regular MD for checkups. He has this hangup about doing what HE wants and not much else. Not real simple as he is very bright but just has no desire to do anything. I have refused to replace his cell phone - almost a year now - and it did nothing to change him and that cell phone was his world. Laziness is the big issue and I suspect depression. His Dad raised him when he was younger and he did great. His Dad messed up and then my grandson floated and I took him in. At least he is being cared for and yes, his grades have come up from several years of all F's to now only two F's. Am grateful for that but like his teacher says if he does not want to work he simply puts his head down on the desk. This school works with the kids and that is good but would sure love to see him move faster. Changing to this school was one of the best things as they gear to kids not doing well. No homework which is a blessing as he would not do it.

So to me if a young one is doing nothing and they are assigned to clean at home, quite frankly that means they are doing something and hopefully it will pay off down the road. The electronics of today to me are not all good for some young ones. Life is different.

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Sorry you are in this situation, however you are correct there is no one correct answer.  Not knowing the whole story it is impossible to judge this situation.  Hope you are able to find something that works for you.