Cleaning out parents house- so difficult - Page 4

wilma · ‎03-13-2010

When my parents moved out of my childhood home and into my sister's house it was difficult. Mom was ready to move but had a ton of stuff in the house. She had to ok every single item: whether it was going to go to my sister's house, be donated, sold at the estate sale, given to someone else, or put in the garbage. It was exasperating at times to see the bits of "junk" she wanted to keep, but it was her "junk", so we tried to keep that in mind. It took several months of going over to the house each weekend to get through everything. My dad was not ready to give up his house so he refused to do anything related to the move.

They eventually settled in with my sister, and it became home for them for 6 years. When they both passed away within weeks of each other a few years ago, we had to go through my sister's house and garage for all the things they refused to part with when they moved in with her. I have a few things of theirs that I cherish now. I think of them when I see those things, but I would give anything to have my parents back with me instead of the stuff that was theirs.

Burnsite · ‎03-10-2010

Gidget, My parents were divorced, so I have done this twice, and it is so very painful. One day at a time, and it will all get done. Your dad will love it that you and your sister are taking some of the furniture to your own home.

ETA: In my mother's house, we found manila envelopes with our names on them, all six of her children. Each contained every letter we had ever written to her. It was a moment where we saw, one last time, her love for us all.

MomCat · ‎09-12-2010

I've done this process a few times, and one of the times was when my FIL moved out of his house shortly after my MIL passed away. After gathering a few things he wanted to take with him, which wasn't much, he said goodbye to the house, never wanting to return. We removed everything and put the house on the market. I totally understand how hard it is to discuss, and do all this while the person is still alive. It's hard enough to do it when they are gone like I did with my parents. Not everyone is capable of stepping up to the plate when parents are ill and handling their business to the end. I admire other ladies like the ones who are posting here. I know the sacrifice, but I also know the satisfaction as well. It's been a couple of years since my husband and I lost the last of our parents, and as time goes by I am so at peace with it all. It's a great feeling to know that they left this earth knowing we had their back.

milkbone · ‎10-22-2015

Trusted Contributor

Posts: 1,487

Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Cleaning out parents house- so difficult[ Edited ]

‎01-16-2016 01:09 PM - edited

Gidget, My parents were divorced, so I have done this twice, and it is so very painful. One day at a time, and it will all get done. Your dad will love it that you and your sister are taking some of the furniture to your own home.

ETA: In my mother's house, we found manila envelopes with our names on them, all six of her children. Each contained every letter we had ever written to her. It was a moment where we saw, one last time, her love for us all.

...........................................................

When my mother died, I got everything, very little money, but everything else !

Mom kept every Xmas card, Mothers Day Card, Birthday card...

and all kinds of newspaper articles from her birth on.

I learned alot from her things, papers.

I saw at one time, she was a little girl, and seeing through a little girls eyes. I saw a teen, and then life got real complicated for her, but she never quit.

as the old movie states

For Your Eyes Only

"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." MLK

terrier3 · ‎03-10-2010

When my beloved aunt died a few years ago, she left behind her cat - Murray. He was close to 15 at the time...she passed suddenly in her sleep and never expected to have her cat outlive her.

When I would visit with my dog, the two never got along. But Murray had no where to go...so we took him in and for a few months he stayed on the first floor, mostly wailing and/or hiding under furniture.

But right now, the dog and cat are cuddled up sleeping on my bed...Murray ADORES the terrier...it took a while, but he finally came to feel at home here.

I received a lot from my aunt when she died, - but Murray is the most precious gift of all. He has had declining kidney function for the last 3 years, but with hydration (which we learned to do at home) everything is stable.

Murray is a special link to a special woman.

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

@Dominosmom wrote:
I have been through this twice now and know how you feel. Just want to share that when my fil visited our home he was comforted and pleased to see the things we moved to our house. I was overjoyed when he told me that my house made him feel at home.

I've had something similar occur. My mom was widowed early in life (she was in her early 40's), and sold her home about a decade later. She kept many of her treasured pieces of furniture they had purchased together, but a few things she just couldn't take. I purchased several of them from her (as she was in bad financial shape) and she has, over the last almost 40 years commented repeatedly that she is so happy to see those pieces loved and cared for, the way that she did. It makes he happy to come to my house and see them.

Not sure if OP's father will be able to visit and see the next generation enjoying and treasuring what he and his wife built, but that may be helpful to him. If he can't maybe video or pictures of those things might help him with the transition.

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

@sarpy wrote:
We are 77 & 78 so we have been cleaning out our house so the kids don't have to do it when the time comes. We even have our funerals paid for and plots bought and tombstone on it. We are not a flashy couple and don't what our girls to have to do it. Just yesterday we took the last of our Xmas decor that I was tired of to GoodWill. We have a 1200 sq. house that is just right for us and easy to get around in. Good luck to you OP!!

I have always felt that this is one of the best things one can do for their children.

When young enough, and death comes unexpectedly, no one really expects that you would have things cleaned out to the bare bones, but the longer we live, the more we need to think about at least having things in order, some level of planning made and filling in someone about what is where.

I have had a number of older relatives that happily began the giving away of things to family they wanted to have them, in order to enjoy the process while they were still here.

SeaMaiden · ‎03-10-2010

@sarpy wrote:
We are 77 & 78 so we have been cleaning out our house so the kids don't have to do it when the time comes. We even have our funerals paid for and plots bought and tombstone on it. We are not a flashy couple and don't what our girls to have to do it. Just yesterday we took the last of our Xmas decor that I was tired of to GoodWill. We have a 1200 sq. house that is just right for us and easy to get around in. Good luck to you OP!!

Too bad more people are not like you. Thinking of others rather than just me me me.

Your children will be grateful for you planning ahead as you have rather than leaving the mess behind to clean up.

IamMrsG · ‎08-29-2010

sarpy wrote, in part: "...We even have our funerals paid for and plots bought and tombstone on it..."

@sarpy Your survivors will thank you many times over for this. My parents also did it, and it was a tremendous gift to us. Every decision had been made, every item, down to the floral spray on Mom's casket, was pre-paid.

Strive for respect instead of attention. It lasts longer.

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

My DH had always wanted a large backyard shed and was a little jea;lous of my dad's large shed with a second story. After we sold dad's home my DH decided to bring that shed to our house so he had to hire a flat bed towtruck and get clearances to move an oversized load and all - then he bought some pipes - they lifted the shed with a jack and put the pipes under it to act as rollers and lifted the very large shed up on to the truck - fortunately my parents lived close by - they brought it to our house and placed the pipes again and let it down and rolled it into place on a gravel bed DH had prepared. We videoed it for my dad to see as he was upset he could not go see it moved in person.He was so happy to be able to gift that to my DH.