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Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,896
Registered: ‎10-04-2010

Re: Cleaning out parents house- so difficult

[ Edited ]

@gidgetghPlease "report" or "update" him as to the progress you all are making on his behalf. Keep him in the loop. It doesn't have to be so horrible for him, if you keep him filled in. At least I hope so for all your sakes. Now and then ask him about something...he'll appreciate it. It doesn't have to be something of major importance. While it's an ongoing thing and he's still with you, keep him somewhat involved. It'll be easier on all of you. Good luck, that's the hardest job you'll ever have.

Super Contributor
Posts: 361
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Cleaning out parents house- so difficult

What a beautiful, sensitive, heartfelt thread, thanks to all posters here.

OP, what you have written is exactly my journey over the last six years.  Mom passed in 2014 and Dad passed in 2015, and my brother and I will be finalizing estate matters this year.

The life lessons here are so rich, but I don't think anyone truly understands until they have experienced and actually felt it to the core of their being.  It also is a very meaningful lesson about what each one of us will be facing as we approach the end of our own lives.

My heart goes out to you.  You will come out of this stronger and wiser.

“There are two ways to be rich: One is by acquiring much, and the other is by desiring little.” —Jackie French Koller
Super Contributor
Posts: 469
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Cleaning out parents house- so difficult

My Father passed away in 2011. And my Mother Jan 2015. Mom had been in a nursing home 6 months. They had a very large house. We got it ready tio sell and it still had a Lot of stuff in it. Well it sold 5 days after we put it on the market.,My sister in law did all the packing! We had a month to get everything out. Bless my sister in law. My brothers and I helped on the weekends. It was a nightmare! 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 22,095
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Cleaning out parents house- so difficult

[ Edited ]

My Husbands Mother is 81 and lives in her own home by herself.   I tell my husband that he needs to talk to her  about starting to clean out the house. I think she believes she is going to be living there forever... she is stuborn  as the house is way too big for her( she has been living in the house for 45 years). She has plenty of money and    She could downsize and get a nice apartment somewhere and live very comfortable. She wants nothing to do with that idea, and just lives in her junky house filled with years of clutter.

 

 Old people just do not think of the pressure and work they expect their children to do cleaning up their junk after they die. It is a selfish thing to do to put that  on my husband's shoulders at this time. He has his own health issues and when his Mother dies he is going to have to fly to SanDiego, take time off of work  and take care of all her issues. He will have to Clean out this huge home full of clutter and junk accumulated the past 45 years.  I told him when the time comes to sell or trash everything or give it all to his brother as we do not need the clutter here in our home. We are both 60 with no children and need nothing and have no one to pass anything down to.    My husband already pays all her bills and such  at this time long distance. He is her executer as his Mother did not want his brother to be in charge of her accounts... and his brother LIVES JUST 50 MILES AWAY FROM HER!!!!    We have offered her to come live with us- or near us. She will not hear of it.

 

  I just  do not understand how people can be so selfish  and selfcentered. It is not love when you take advantage of your children. She is of sound mind as much as can be expected at her age and could take care of much of the clutter herself or hire someone to help her.  She might outlive my Husband with all the pressure she puts on him to take care of everything of hers... and then she will be on her own.  She probably never thinks of that. She only thinks of herself. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,954
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Cleaning out parents house- so difficult


@MaggieMack wrote:

@gidgetgh, it is clear you love your mom and dad. Though difficult, those tasks that you have completed are evidence of that love, and your dad still sees/knows/feels that love. What a gift to him! Giving up his home is symbolic of giving up his life on this earth, another visible reminder that it all will end. He will probably need an extra dose of love and support while he accepts the new reality of his life. I know you will be there to give it to him. 


What a BEAUTIFUL post, Maggie!

I agree that this family has a lot to be grateful for - a loving daughter who cares and wants her dad to be happy.

That's what matters in the end...love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,892
Registered: ‎07-03-2013

Re: Cleaning out parents house- so difficult

It's not easy and takes a huge emotional toll on you.  You're doing great carrying out your father's wishes.  Best wishes completing the project.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,126
Registered: ‎06-20-2010

Re: Cleaning out parents house- so difficult

It's very difficult.

 

Because he hasn't really been involved in the process, it will be a bit of a shock to him.  There is no way to protect him from what he will see.

 

My heart breaks for you. 

 

Hopefully, it all goes smoothly.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,896
Registered: ‎10-04-2010

Re: Cleaning out parents house- so difficult

@SeaMaidenJust my opinion, for what it's worth. It's hard for older people to leave the surroundings they know. She may live another 10 years or more. It's hard on them to move, too overwhelming at their age. So I don't think it's about being self centered, as much as it's wanting to remain as is and in familiar surroundings, their last bit to hold on to of independence. It's just a really hard time to get through. It all passes eventually. Please just try to be patient.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,112
Registered: ‎12-08-2014

Re: Cleaning out parents house- so difficult

Can you feel it?   I am giving you a big, warm hug because I can't think of anything to say.  Both my parents are gone and I know what's like to go through a parent's lifetime of belongings after they are gone.  It must be 1000 times worse when your parent is alive and asked you to do it for hm.  It's hard but it seems like you are doing it as well as anyone could possibly do it.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 22,095
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Cleaning out parents house- so difficult


@qualitygal wrote:

@SeaMaidenJust my opinion, for what it's worth. It's hard for older people to leave the surroundings they know. She may live another 10 years or more. It's hard on them to move, too overwhelming at their age. So I don't think it's about being self centered, as much as it's wanting to remain as is and in familiar surroundings, their last bit to hold on to of independence. It's just a really hard time to get through. It all passes eventually. Please just try to be patient.


@qualitygal  I worry for my husband as it seems she does not think of the burden she put upon my husband...the dutiful Son. She could do more.