This is a long post, so if you don't like long posts, feel free to pass it by.
My mother passed away almost 5 years ago. We went through her clothes and personal items shortly after she died and took the things we wanted and donated the rest. Through the years, my sister, dad and I have pared down a few other things also.
My father had a stroke in August and is in assisted living. We didn't know if he'd be able to return home so my sister, my husband and I have just cleaned out a little, here and there since then but it's still been ready....enough... for him to come back to.
While my dad is doing well, we've decided that returning home to their condo, which is on the 2nd floor (with no elevator) wouldn't be the best thing to do. He's almost 87 and the stairs concern us and he's not quite ready to live alone again. So, we've been working on doing SOMETHING with everything else in there so we can put it on the market.
I'll tell you..... it's HARD, physically and emotionally. And overwhelming. All the changes of address to be done and the bank changes, mail forwarding (which hasn't worked as smoothly as it should) and the repair work to get it ready to list and the cleaning out. Trying to sell some of the furniture. Donate some, keep some and take things to assisted living. I'm there ALL THE TIME cleaning out and, to be honest, it's wearing on me. But we're nearing the end.
The hardest thing though isn't the purging of "stuff". I'm a world class purger. I have emotional attachment to very few "things". I'm not a keeper. I'm the one you want there when it's time to declutter and purge. But doing all this while he's still alive is really, really hard emotionally.
He's been back to their condo just a few times and he hides it well and knows it's the right thing to do, but I think it really gets to him to see it all going away. His (their) entire life being dismantled while he's still alive. It just makes me so sad.
My sister and I are taking him there again this morning (it's been a few months since he's been) for the final resolution of the rest of his belongings- the remaining clothing, personal items, books, etc. The painters are coming Monday, along with more furniture pickup. There's not much left at all and while I've tried to prepare him for that, I think he's going to be shocked....shocked when he sees that ALL of his books and personal items fit on the bay window in the living room. The rest is in the bedroom closet. That's it. Nothing scattered around. Nothing in drawers or other closets. It's ALL in two places. I didn't sleep very well last night. I think he'll be sad.
We've done a great job bringing pictures and things to assisted living but it's one room. There's only so much stuff you can take before it's just too much. My sister and I are taking some furniture, but alot of the furniture was sold or was picked up by charity.
I know gazillions of people have done this before us and will after us. Doing my mom's things was a fairly easy process. She was gone so there wasn't as much angst. This has been so much harder. He told my sister, husband and me to "get it done", giving us the ok to do it, but it's still hard. You can't ask him about every box of paper clips and ruler, it would take too long. So I just made the best decisions I could and saved his personal things till the end so HE could make the decision.
Why is it, when I have a 50/50 guess at something, I'm always 100% wrong?
Blogs & Forums
