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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,207
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Celebrate the big 50 years of marriage... Advice on what to do

My 25th came and went,  we are in the middle of college, etc. So I will make up for it. I want to travel, we have done some with the kids but am looking forward to more in a few years. I better hurry, as europe is getting a little crazy. I say whatever you want and can afford, I would even supplement the funds if needed. From my experience it is harder to be personable the larger the event gets. My son had 100 at his wedding and that was a good amount. You and your  daughter can co plan since its out of the bag (maybe intentional). Congrats. We are in our 29th in March. 

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Posts: 3,120
Registered: ‎04-17-2015

Re: Celebrate the big 50 years of marriage... Advice on what to do


@bonnielu wrote:

Truth.... not my idea.  Took the call from one of my daughters.  Not expecting anyone to do anything for us.  Torn, love to just tell them  to visit, have dinner somewhere and let the party side go.  They want me to come up with a list of friends.  Ready to rent a hotel.  Ready to provide food.  I just don't want to be the center of attention and cause anyone to do all the work needed.  


I'm still not quite understanding what your wishes are.  If what I bolded is what you would like, tell them so.  You won't hurt their feelings.  If it were my 50th, my preference would be a small and intimate gathering, probably just immediate family.  I am not a party person.  OTOH, if your concern is about all the work and expense on your daughters, but you would like the big celebration, stop worrying about that and let them enjoy doing it for you.

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Posts: 1,560
Registered: ‎12-31-2013

Re: Celebrate the big 50 years of marriage... Advice on what to do

I would skip the party and take a once in a lifetime kind of trip, Europe, Australia/New Zealand, areas of special interest in the US, an Alaskan cruise/adventure, etc. That way you and your spouse can enjoy just being together which is the best renewal.  But that is me because I love to travel and have several places I'd like to see again and some I'd like to see for the first time. 

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Posts: 4,790
Registered: ‎03-19-2010

Re: Celebrate the big 50 years of marriage... Advice on what to do


@bonnielu wrote:

Truth.... not my idea.  Took the call from one of my daughters.  Not expecting anyone to do anything for us.  Torn, love to just tell them  to visit, have dinner somewhere and let the party side go.  They want me to come up with a list of friends.  Ready to rent a hotel.  Ready to provide food.  I just don't want to be the center of attention and cause anyone to do all the work needed.  


I think it is wonderful that your daughters want to do something special for your big 50th anniversary.  BUT I would be perfectly honest and express my wishes like you did in your post to them.  I would have a face-to-face conversation with them.  They may be surprised at how you are thinking and actually may be relieved that you don't want a grand party.  Good luck. 

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Posts: 8,853
Registered: ‎06-10-2010

Re: Celebrate the big 50 years of marriage... Advice on what to do


@bonnielu wrote:

My daughter let the cat out of the bag and said she and her sisters wanted to provide a way to celebrate our 50th.  She asked for some suggestions.  She said they could invite friends.  Well we dance and we have a list of over 300 friends (I kid you not)  She said we could go to  a restaurant with these friends nit knowing how many.  She also suggested we all go away to a retreat and the family could be together... somewhere on some remote mountain ... probably get lost going there.  

 

We could have a large square dance but that would take planning that they are not aware of... callers... room with wood floor... food brought it.  Lots of trouble for them... 

 

What to do ... what to do.  Help... any advice would be appreciated.  


*********  I would be honest and tell them exactly how I felt.  I would let them know you greatly appreciate their offer and love them for wanting to make it so nice for you but that you prefer something very simple for your 50th.  Then have some suggestions as to what that would be.  They asked you for suggestions so I would have several alternate ideas ready to give them. 

Valued Contributor
Posts: 665
Registered: ‎12-09-2013

Re: Celebrate the big 50 years of marriage... Advice on what to do


@Hoovermom wrote:

@bonnielu wrote:

Truth.... not my idea.  Took the call from one of my daughters.  Not expecting anyone to do anything for us.  Torn, love to just tell them  to visit, have dinner somewhere and let the party side go.  They want me to come up with a list of friends.  Ready to rent a hotel.  Ready to provide food.  I just don't want to be the center of attention and cause anyone to do all the work needed.  


I think it is wonderful that your daughters want to do something special for your big 50th anniversary.  BUT I would be perfectly honest and express my wishes like you did in your post to them.  I would have a face-to-face conversation with them.  They may be surprised at how you are thinking and actually may be relieved that you don't want a grand party.  Good luck. 


I totally agree with @Hoovermom.   Sit down face to face and have a genuine conversation about your ideal celebration.  50 is a BIG NUMBER and you deserve to have what you want -- a big square dance celebration is it.   Work out the financial aspect as you know what your kids can afford and what you'll contribute to it.   And offer to work alongside them -- tell them the pleasure you'll get from helping.  Ultimately it'll be a meaningful memory for all involved and a celebration to remember!

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Posts: 6,466
Registered: ‎03-16-2010

Re: Celebrate the big 50 years of marriage... Advice on what to do

[ Edited ]

@bonnielu 

 

Congratulations on this wonderful milestone!  

 

When my parents celebrated their 50th, we wanted to do something special for them even though they protested.  

 

We told them to save the date and to get dressed up--that's all.  I know both my mother and father were uneasy.  Although extremely social, they were always more comfortable giving than receiving.  

 

We rented a boat for a dinner cruise on the St. Croix for approximately 50 friends and family.   My parents LOVED it.  I can't remember my father ever expressing as much gratitude as he did for the party we hosted on their behalf.  It was a very special occasion that I will forever cherish.  

 

I think what I am trying to suggest is you might be giving your children a gift by allowing them to do for you.  

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,880
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Celebrate the big 50 years of marriage... Advice on what to do

Okay, I am going to fess up.  My husband and I have  remembered our anniversary but once. I remembered our first anniversery, because we had the top layer of the cake in freezer. Seriously.  I don't know why.  We will say, wow we will be married 25 years, 30 years...etc, a month or so before the date.  Then we forget. We celebrate birthdays, just not anniverseries. Don't know why.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,337
Registered: ‎10-04-2010

Re: Celebrate the big 50 years of marriage... Advice on what to do


@shoekitty wrote:

Okay, I am going to fess up.  My husband and I have  remembered our anniversary but once. I remembered our first anniversery, because we had the top layer of the cake in freezer. Seriously.  I don't know why.  We will say, wow we will be married 25 years, 30 years...etc, a month or so before the date.  Then we forget. We celebrate birthdays, just not anniverseries. Don't know why.


@shoekitty, I think I can relate. At our age, we live in a space of warp time now! We go at the speed of sound. I'm trying to say it goes by very fast. So I hope I said that right. I bring up this stuff when I see it on the calendar, sometimes we remember it on the day, sometimes not. We have a "full" life, so I guess that's why. Lots of interests. It happens.

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Posts: 2,572
Registered: ‎07-29-2012

Re: Celebrate the big 50 years of marriage... Advice on what to do

You have to do what is comfortable for you and your husband.

We had only immediate family come to Fl., we all stayed in a lovely resort, and had a beautiful dinner.  Never would I have wanted a huge party - seems like more of a family time.