Caution watch what you say to family. - Page 8

Cakers3 · ‎06-17-2015

@dulwich wrote:
Thanks for all your viewpoints. I feel it is good to hear from others as it makes you think ‘outside the box’ and really try to look at all aspects before her next phone call. I feel so useless not being there for this dear friend.

I would say she is my closest, dearest, friend our kids grew up together, holidays together, etc., they have stayed with us here in U.S. distance has not harmed our relationship.

When she decided to move house I was concerned as my opinion of her son in law is that he is a control freak but her daughter kept asking her to do this for about 2 years and this arrangement seemed to be working until now and my friend is really very hurt as her family is her all it is the worst thing he could have said.

She told me she is carrying on as ‘normal’ but keeps out of the kitchen when he is home and anywhere he might be. Her daughter knows what happened and told her ‘that's what he’s like Mum you will never get an apology’ no more discussion and they are going about their daily routine as usual but she is still very hurt and to quote her ‘I can’t seem to forget it’.

When I told my own daughter she was very sad - this is her godmother - and she made me laugh as she said thank goodness it didn’t happen in our house as you (me) would have knocked him out not walked away! As if!

Thanks again for your good input Ladies.

@dulwich Without knowing all the family dynamics I will just say that this sentence jumped out at me-because if the daughter kept asking for the house to be signed over then my first reaction is that the daughter has an interest in owning her owm mother's house.

He may be a control freak but he didn't turn into one overnight. We don't know if he pushed to get this house; he may be the excuse as to why the daughter kept asking, having her own reasons.

It just doesn't seem to be all about him, imo.

And while I feel for you because you feel for your friend, you just don't know who is saying what, when, and in response to other times and situations.

"" Compassion is a verb."-Thich Nhat Hanh

Cumbercookie13 · ‎05-06-2016

My brother would be like that too, except he would tell our mom that "I am her father, I'm the one who makes the rules, etc..." Mom would always give it right back, saying, "well I am her grandmother, and I'm your mother, and you don't speak to me like that." She was the maternal grandmother, so she had some more "pull" especially because she watched her when parents worked. My niece was with my mom a lot during her first three years of life so she felt she had a right to speak her mind.

But right away my first thought was there's some tension due to the living arrangements and it may be causing him to lash out. Do you know if he's always been like this even before your friend moved in?

viva923 · ‎03-12-2010

the son in law reply could have been "heat of the moment" reply.

sometimes those heat of moment quips said can be very heart piercing, and hurtful.

Lilysmom · ‎03-09-2010

@viva923 , I don't give him the benefit of a "heat of the moment" reprieve because he said it twice, two different occasions. Grandmother is right to be upset. As daughter is not sticking up for the grandmother (her mom) not hard to see who is the dominant person in that duo. My DH would never have gotten away with that remark in my house, not that he would make it in the first place. LM

arrabella · ‎03-12-2010

@Lilysmom wrote:
@viva923 , I don't give him the benefit of a "heat of the moment" reprieve because he said it twice, two different occasions. Grandmother is right to be upset. As daughter is not sticking up for the grandmother (her mom) not hard to see who is the dominant person in that duo. My DH would never have gotten away with that remark in my house, not that he would make it in the first place. LM

After reading this JMO is the daughter is totally controled by her husband. I just can't imagine any daughter allowing anyone talking to their mother like that. She has just accepted the fact that he's in control especially when she said, "thats the way he is".

Anonymous032819 · ‎03-29-2019

@arrabella wrote:
@Lilysmom wrote:
@viva923 , I don't give him the benefit of a "heat of the moment" reprieve because he said it twice, two different occasions. Grandmother is right to be upset. As daughter is not sticking up for the grandmother (her mom) not hard to see who is the dominant person in that duo. My DH would never have gotten away with that remark in my house, not that he would make it in the first place. LM
After reading this JMO is the daughter is totally controled by her husband. I just can't imagine any daughter allowing anyone talking to their mother like that. She has just accepted the fact that he's in control especially when she said, "thats the way he is".

Unless...daughter agrees with hubby.

The Sky looks different when you have someone you love up there.

Lilysmom · ‎03-09-2010

@Anonymous032819 , if she agrees with her DH, then she should say so and not lay all of the blame on him. Cop out IMO. LM

dulwich · ‎01-18-2012

@Lilysmom @arrabella I agree with both of you I feel the same but my place is to just listen to my friend and help her along so that she comes to her own conclusions and ease if living in this situation.

Thank you all Ladies I have had good ideas/help as I said previously always good to hear viewpoints.