Community Chat

[SydneyH]

I have to assume there is way more to the exchange as it is being described.

[Trinity11]

Family dynamics are personal and no one really knows but the family themselves what made her SIL reply in the manner in which he did.

I have friends who ask my opinion of similar situations and I usually just listen without giving my opinion. After the dust has settled, people tend to resent anyone else's opinion of their family members. Good that you listened @dulwich and consoled your friend.

[croemer]

Can't imagine signing MY home over to anyone,,,but what is done is done. This SIL sounds like he has a major resentment with his MIL and he used this moment to vent his feelings. I think he is a jerk and now she has signed her home over.

She needs to have a heart to heart with her daughter and SIL and see if its workable.

[qvcfreak]

I think the SIL didn’t word what he meant properly. He should’ve said, “We’re going to handle this one (meaning the parents) but thanks for the offer”. 

[dulwich]

Thanks for all your viewpoints.  I feel it is good to hear from others as it makes you think ‘outside the box’ and really try to look at all aspects before her next phone call.  I feel so useless not being there for this dear friend.

I would say she is my closest, dearest, friend our kids grew up together, holidays together, etc., they have stayed with us here in U.S. distance has not harmed our relationship.

 When she decided to move house I was concerned as my opinion of her son in law is that he is a control freak but her daughter kept asking her to do this for about 2 years and this arrangement seemed to be working until now and my friend is really very hurt as her family is her all it is the worst thing he could have said.  

She told me she is carrying on as ‘normal’ but keeps out of the kitchen when he is home and anywhere he might be.  Her daughter knows what happened and told her ‘that's what he’s like Mum you will never get an apology’ no more discussion and they are going about their daily routine as usual but she is still very hurt and to quote her ‘I can’t seem to forget it’.

When I told my own daughter she was very sad - this is her godmother -  and she made me laugh as she said thank goodness it didn’t happen in our house as you  (me) would have knocked him out not walked away!  As if!

Thanks again for your good input Ladies.

[FancyPhillyshopper]

Too often family dynamics and life stresses cause folks to be unnecessarily mean and petty.

Also, people rarely appreciate their loved ones enough while they still have them.

So sorry your friend had her feelings hurt. I hope the family can resolve these tensions.

There is not much you can do but continue to be there for her.

[Pook]

It could be that the son in law merely meant that this was their family problem to deal with and he worded it a bit insensitively or the friend was too sensitive in interpreting what was said.

[Drythe]

@dulwich 

OUCH, OUCH!

This would be so hard.  

Hope your friend is able to make peace with it.  

We all make mistakes, living with someone who ‘never apologizes’... humm.

.

[Lindsays Grandma]

@dulwich ...I know I already responded but something else came to mind.  Your friend's SIL does not consider her to be a part of the family, well, sadly for her, because he married her daughter he is her son-in-law,  his wife is her daughter which makes his child her grandchild.  If that isn't part of the family I don't know what is.  Someone needs to give him a lesson on what makes a family. 

And for whatever reason she signed her house over to them was a huge mistake.  I know its too late but either someone did a good job convincing her or she, out of the goodness of her heart, thought she was being a loving mother and decided to do it.  Please let us know how your visit to England turns out.  By the way, I do believe I already told you I love the English people and worked with a whole group of them back on Long Island many years ago.  

[Lilysmom]

@dulwich , some times people can really disappoint, can't they.  If I were your friend, I would limit my interaction with SIL for awhile as I thought about the situation.  Let them visit her, not the reverse.

I have friends that have an in law suite and the daughter's parents live with them.  When the daughter first married, the daughter and SIL lived in an in law suite in the parents house.  Now it is the reverse.

it seems to work for them but I think that is the exception.  The daughter would not be able to afford the home without rent from the parents.  

It is good of you to be a support for your friend.  I am sure it is a relief for her to be able to vent to you.  LM