Caution watch what you say to family. - Page 2

dulwich · ‎01-18-2012

@MaryLamb Good thought - all I know is my friend signed her house over to them as they were very insistent that she move into their very large home which she did so that they would be looked after and be close to family.

I know they travel a lot and my friend takes care of their 4 dogs and the home all - to my knowledge - seemed to be going well.

Preds · ‎12-17-2012

@dulwich wrote:
@Preds You and I react the same but I said maybe he did not mean it then she added my ‘kicker’ comment see above.

Hmmm... In that case, there is more going on than she is sharing. Either way, just listen and give her an extra hug when you see her.

Fate whispers to her, "You cannot withstand the storm." She whispers back, "I am the storm."

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

@dulwich He might have been more sensitive in saying what he did but playing devil's advocate, we have no way of knowing how much or how little the grandparents have been perceived, over time, as being 'interfering' by the actual parents. Could it be that the son in law had reached a breaking point and could it also be that the joint living arrangement, regardless of why they all entered into it, has run its course... Of course, none of us can know the specifics of this relationship or arrangement, but the joint living seems like a really bad idea in most instances... Were it me, I might have suggested realizing I wasn't part of the nuclear family, but that I remain part of the larger family, was merely offering help and that a simple 'no thank you' would have sufficed. Clearly, when confronted and opting not to offer any further explanation or apology, the son in law has some concerns that heretofore have perhaps gone unexpressed... I do understand your friend being hurt, but also understand there was nothing you could do to assuage those feelings...

In my pantry with my cupcakes...

sidsmom · ‎11-25-2011

First, I would guess there are two sides to this story.

Second, "...what her son in law must really feel...". That means

she jumping to assumptions without talking the son-in-law with

the daughter.

This could've been straightened out quite quickly...and really NEEDS

to be straightened out quite quickly given their living arrangements.

MaryLamb · ‎04-03-2019

@dulwich wrote:
@MaryLamb Good thought - all I know is my friend signed her house over to them as they were very insistent that she move into their very large home which she did so that they would be looked after and be close to family.

I know they travel a lot and my friend takes care of their 4 dogs and the home all - to my knowledge - seemed to be going well.

@dulwich Your friend has been and continues to be a great support to her daughter and SIL. It sounds like in addition to being displeased about cohabitating with his in laws, the SIL may be insecure about the fact that he has had to take financial help in order to provide for his family. That could be a bruise on his ego that's fueling this anger toward his mother in law.

Drythe · ‎07-09-2011

There are sometimes when ‘Aren’t you sweet?’ just doesn’t quite Cover it.

What a hurtful thing to say, TWICE. 😕

"Animals are not my whole world, but they have made my world whole" ~ Roger Caras

blackhole99 · ‎08-22-2013

I would give him the benefit of the doubt that that's not really what he thinks. Even though I would love for my husband and I to have a living arrangement like that with our son, that usually doesn't work in the long term. My son mentioned the only way he would rent us an apartment is if he had to keep an eye on us, he's our POA,etc. I mention this because I am under the impression that my son and I are very close, so there you go. Yes, words are powerful, but that's family for you.

tansy · ‎01-02-2011

What did the daughter have to say about this?

Every so often one or the other of my sons talks about us moving in but I would not like the loss of privacy:/

skatting44 · ‎07-26-2019

I would speak directly with my daughter and just say if you need any help with your daughter , I am here for you all in any way you all may need me. I would not mention what the SIL said . I'd start fresh with approaching my own daughter . I'd just put aside what the SIL said. He may be feeling inadequate as a Father or Head of household depending on what his daughter's problem is . Maybe he feels insecure abt being Head of household because of the living conditions and that the home belonged to his inlaws.

If your daughter tells you the same than just be supportive .

GenXmuse · ‎05-15-2016

That seems very abrupt and insensitive to say. Makes me wonder if there are underlying dynamics at play. It's hard to say without living there. Hopefully it gets sorted out.