Community Chat

[Big Joanie]

maybe he is upset about the problem with the grand child ...

his child .....

[Big Joanie]

But i do know how it is .. I live in fear I may say something

offensive to either of my 2 children as well as my DIL .....

I don't think what your friend said was offensive .. probably

just bad timing ... and a bad response to what she said ...

Hopefully things simmer down ....

[Lindsays Grandma]

What a rude, hurtful thing for her SIL to say to her.   Obviously there is an underlying reason why he spoke like that and I personally feel it should not be left hanging.  When your friend approached him about what he said his comment added insult to injury.  As for me, I would find continuing to share a home with him extremely uncomfortable.   He owes her a huge apology.

[Ketra]

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@qvcaddition wrote:

Too late for me.  I know exactly how she feels. Asked my son yesterday why he never asked what I am doing.  Wasn,t he interested in my life?  He said no. I was excited about a new adventure I am embarking on next week. He was honest. I was always interested in his life.

I am lucky I have another son that cares. He feels his brother is unhappy and can,t take it out on his wife so hurts me.  Have to go on, but it hurts. 

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@qvcaddition I know how you feel, it is very hurtful. You are indeed lucky to have a second son.😊

[Ketra]

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@MaryLamb wrote:

Am I correct that it's your friend's daughter and son in law's home and that your friend and her husband are living in their separate quarters? It sounds like the underlying problem could be that the son in law is unhappy having his in laws under the same roof. 

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@MaryLamb It sounds like that could be the problem. Her friend needs to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with her daughter and son-in-law.

[LoveMyBaby]

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@tansy wrote:

What did the daughter have to say about this?

Every so often one or the other of my sons talks about us moving in but I would not like the loss of privacy:/

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I was thinking the very same thing, i would have asked my daughter whats up, and if she agreed with his candor. I also thought it could be that the SIL is stressed out and MIL asked at the wrong time, but then he reiterated it. Me thinks, SIL is not fond of the living arrangements. I value my own space and privacy to live with family, but if its out of necessity then that's different. I do feel bad for grandma. Ouch. 

[dex]

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@Lindsays Grandma wrote:

What a rude, hurtful thing for her SIL to say to her.   Obviously there is an underlying reason why he spoke like that and I personally feel it should not be left hanging.  When your friend approached him about what he said his comment added insult to injury.  As for me, I would find continuing to share a home with him extremely uncomfortable.   He owes her a huge apology.

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Or maybe she is controlling or prying in their lives too much.we don’t really know much except for this incident.

[jeanlake]

If family is sensitive, extended family is that much more. Maybe SIL is expressing what his wife couldn't. Conflict Management teaches until you have a better understanding of the situation -- Be silent. Be safe.   

[Wsmom]

My first thought is first mistake was signing the house over to them.  If I read that right it was her house and because they wanted her living close by she signed her house over to them and they moved into separate living quarters with a shared kitchen?  Assuming now they live in the main house? 

As far as his utterly thoughtless comment, my guess would be his meaning was you are not a part of their little family, parents and kids, with the parents being the direct caregivers/disciplinarians, etc., of their own children, and want to be sure that grandma doesn't get involved in that particular situation, whatever it may be, and when she told him it was hurtful, him saying yes, he said that, was to reinforce the fact that she was not to get involved in the grandkids' rearing.  

All of us grandmas know we all want to go to the rescue of our granchildren, as our parents did with our kids, but unfortunately just not our place, and I can easily see my DD or my very dear SIL saying, "mom, back off!"  

[Mom2Dogs]

@dulwich  Does your friend's daughter know what was said?  Of course I don't know the cicrumstances/reasons about their living arrangements but no house is large enough for two families, and yes I did read they have separate quarters...with that said and since there were no additional harsh works spoken I would move heaven and earth to find my own place to live.

It sounds like there was no reason for his comments   so....1.  either he should have kept his mouth shut or 2.  Have a discussion about the living arrangements, maybe does not like his inlaws living in the house.

I am a private person and that arrangement would never work for me or for my husband, unless it was an absolute necessity.