Community Chat

[occasionalrain]

On 9/17/2014 cody said:

On 9/17/2014 occasional rain said:

Last night NCIS happened to be on, it's not a show I watch so I don't know the names of the characters, and a woman punched her coworker in the stomach as she passed by. The thing is that had the male actor done the exact same thing to the woman, there would be letters of outrage.

In movies and on TV we see women throwing things at men, slapping and kicking them, and I wonder why that's seen as somehow acceptable. Why aren't they arrested and charged? Even in the Rice incident, there has been nothing condemning the woman's behavior. So why the double standard?

HUH???? Did she knock him out and drag him around unconscious like a piece of trash? What is wrong with you?

I could ask you the same. Somehow you only recognize abuse when it's happening to women but are blind to the abuse some woman commit. When a TV show condones a woman punching a man, whether or not he loses consciousness, there is something wrong with our society.

You continually hype what really happened. He dragged her out of the elevator the same way a fireman has been seen dragging an unconscious person out of harm's way. He didn't kick her as some have described it, he moved her feet so the elevator door wouldn't close on them with his foot. Should maybe have used his hands.

[NoelSeven]

On 9/17/2014 NC Bandwagon said:

@Marp2, NoelSeven, mstyrion, and cody, thank you very much for all that knowledge. I knew about the isolation part and the gradual tearing down, but I didn't know about all those other reasons. It's the year 2014, but it sounds like it's gotten even worse over the years. The fear of retaliation from an abuser seems to be the biggest one and - sadly - some abusers actually follow through with that. The family turning on the abuse victim sounds like the worst. But I guess if family members would do that to an abused woman or man, they were probably no good to begin with. That really is a shame.

Anyway, I'm sorry for what the women here went through and thank you for the info.

You're a quick study and insightful.

[cody2]

moonstone dunes, I just had to make a comment to you as I was leaving. Interesting, my single mother also gave me the "made my bed, now lie in it". I forgave her long ago but it had a lot to do with why it took me so long to get away. Truthfully, it was so long ago that I almost never think of it anymore. That is...until it comes up out of the blue as in this thread.

You done good. I am so happy that you did. And again, it is so brave of you to share it here. I hope it doesn't come up to bite us in the bum on this board someday. If it does...we can handle it!

Now I am REAALLY going to bed, lol. Nite all. This was a valuable conversation and I hope it might have helped even ONE person on this board tonight!

[Marp2]

moonstone dunes,

Please see my post #69. What you related in your post #87 was not TMI, it is information that is sorely needed. I will reiterate part of my earlier post, #41, We will never know how many may have found the courage to leave their abusive situations because of your sharing.

[NoelSeven]

On 9/17/2014 cody said:

moonstone dunes, I just had to make a comment to you as I was leaving. Interesting, my single mother also gave me the "made my bed, now lie in it". I forgave her long ago but it had a lot to do with why it took me so long to get away. Truthfully, it was so long ago that I almost never think of it anymore. That is...until it comes up out of the blue as in this thread.

You done good. I am so happy that you did. And again, it is so brave of you to share it here. I hope it doesn't come up to bite us in the bum on this board someday. If it does...we can handle it!

Now I am REAALLY going to bed, lol. Nite all. This was a valuable conversation and I hope it might have helped even ONE person on this board tonight!

If it does come up, there will be a lot of us on your side.

[NC Bandwagon]

@cody, goodnight. Sleep well.

@MOONSTONE dunes, I'm very sorry for what happened to you. I hope you found a good man for yourself who'll be good to you. Like I said in my other post, it's the worst when family turns on a woman or man in a situation like this.

@occasional rain, I think I can answer your question...I think I'm not sure on this, so please ignore me if I get this wrong. Yes, some women do physically abuse men, but for the women who are the abusers in the relationship, they abuse men differently.

Some may go around spreading rumors to their friends, family, neighbors and co-workers that "he's the bad one, it's all his fault, he's a man after all and it's always the man's fault." Some abusive women may tell their husband that they'll accuse him of hurting the children in some way or another and send him to jail. Some may just take the children and leave or they'll threaten to take the children and leave.

So, women who are abusive to men aren't always physical. They tear good men down by destroying their reputation and keeping them in line by threatening to take the children away forever. Some men are real good guys and will do anything to stay in their children's lives. This is very bad because this gives women who are actually being abused a bad reputation and makes them look bad. It's just a mess all around really.

Now, that's my take on it based on what I've heard. I could very well be wrong. I was a little ignorant as to why abused women stay with bad partners until a few posts ago. So, you may want to check a search engine or a different source to see about that. I could very well be wrong. Sorry if that offended anyone.

[mstyrion]

On 9/17/2014 NC Bandwagon said:

@Marp2, NoelSeven, mstyrion, and cody, thank you very much for all that knowledge. I knew about the isolation part and the gradual tearing down, but I didn't know about all those other reasons. It's the year 2014, but it sounds like it's gotten even worse over the years. The fear of retaliation from an abuser seems to be the biggest one and - sadly - some abusers actually follow through with that. The family turning on the abuse victim sounds like the worst. But I guess if family members would do that to an abused woman or man, they were probably no good to begin with. That really is a shame.

Anyway, I'm sorry for what the women here went through and thank you for the info.

Good for you NC. You do get it.

I know it's hard when you read some of the other garbage being written here--by people who have obviously never been through it.

The message is getting diluted by those who want to go down the path of women being a significant percentage of abusers. The sad fact is, men still control most things in this country. They earn more money. They are a higher percentage of law enforcement. They often control how income is invested/spent. They are primarily bigger and stronger. They are normally NOT the care-giver of children.

It's a red herring and I am not even sure why it's being used as some sort of pseudo-defense of abuse. If a woman is the abuser, she is wrong too. Simple as that.

[mstyrion]

On 9/17/2014 cody said:

moonstone dunes, I just had to make a comment to you as I was leaving. Interesting, my single mother also gave me the "made my bed, now lie in it". I forgave her long ago but it had a lot to do with why it took me so long to get away. Truthfully, it was so long ago that I almost never think of it anymore. That is...until it comes up out of the blue as in this thread.

You done good. I am so happy that you did. And again, it is so brave of you to share it here. I hope it doesn't come up to bite us in the bum on this board someday. If it does...we can handle it!

Now I am REAALLY going to bed, lol. Nite all. This was a valuable conversation and I hope it might have helped even ONE person on this board tonight!

You've probably gone to bed now cody, but if sharing our stories becomes fodder for bum biting, well h#ll. We've been through a lot worse and come out the other side. A few internet trolls is a walk in the park

[moonstone dunes]

thank you for your kind words and lending an ear, ladies...it was another life for me and another time... life is good. share with your daughters, nieces, young women - to respect themselves, build their self esteem, finish an education and become their own person before giving up their freedom for a man.

there is a list somewhere giving 10 signs of an abuser (male). some of those are spot on for my ex. too bad i wasn't aware back them, but that was close to 40 years ago. i don't recall it being talked about. i'll try to dig up that list...right now melatonin is dragging me off the dreamland...

[NC Bandwagon]

@hckynut, if it helps, you can read post #96. That was just based on what I heard, though. I could very well be wrong.

@NoelSeven, thank you. I wanted to find out right away as to why women stay. I knew why they stayed in abusive relationships many decades ago, but wanted to know why they stayed nowadays. Perhaps if they read these things on this board, they'll know that they're not alone and know what to do.

@cody, yes, understood what you meant right away. It's very complex and sad. Hopefully women that are being abused will read some of these things and get away from bad situations. I'm still baffled at the number of family members that turn their backs on these women, though.

@occasional rain, I think for the women that do physically abuse men, the men themselves might be ashamed of the fact that they got "beaten up by a girl" and "their manliness is now in question." Aside from the other stuff that I posted, that's the only thing I can think of. <---- This post that I made here isn't to try to flip the tables on the abuse that happens to women.