Community Chat

[NC Bandwagon]

I hope no one takes this the wrong way and I am very sorry for the women and/or men here that got abused, so please don't take what I'm about to ask the wrong way.

How come women nowadays who are being abused don't leave? I can understand why they didn't a long time ago. There wasn't much information about it back then and they were kind of shamed into keeping quiet about it. But nowadays, many people would help a woman that's abused and there are shelters to help abused women. Since abused women have more resources and people to help them nowadays, how come they still stay?

Sorry if that upset anyone here or sounded ignorant. I tried to word it as gently as possible. I really am wanting to know.

[mstyrion]

On 9/17/2014 Marp2 said:

On 9/17/2014 mstyrion said:

On 9/17/2014 pupcakes said:

If my man even thought about it I'd be out the door so fast, never to return. Never have understood why women stay.

clearly you speak from ignorance, so I'll give you a pass this once.

mstyrion, please don't give her a pass, take the opportunity to educate her. If you can open her eyes and her mind just maybe she will recognize the signs and symptoms of abuse that someone she cares about is secretly, silently experiencing, someone that she thinks can simply walk away.

Marp,

We've written hundreds and hundreds of words over the last few days on this subject. She doesn't choose to take advantage of the personal stories that have been shared and the information that is right in front of her nose.

I give her a pass, because she appears to be a lost cause. She gets the pass and nothing more from me. Some people are beyond educating because they closed their minds long ago. Let the ones who have their minds open learn.

[Marp2]

On 9/17/2014 NC Bandwagon said:

I hope no one takes this the wrong way and I am very sorry for the women and/or men here that got abused, so please don't take what I'm about to ask the wrong way.

How come women nowadays who are being abused don't leave? I can understand why they didn't a long time ago. There wasn't much information about it back then and they were kind of shamed into keeping quiet about it. But nowadays, many people would help a woman that's abused and there are shelters to help abused women. Since abused women have more resources and people to help them nowadays, how come they still stay?

Sorry if that upset anyone here or sounded ignorant. I tried to word it as gently as possible. I really am wanting to know.

NC, thank you for asking and I hope someone that has gone through the cycles will give you a first hand account. In the meantime THIS would be a good place to start. As you will see there are as many reasons as there are victims.

http://www.domesticabuseproject.com/get-educated/compelling-reasons-women-stay/

[NoelSeven]

On 9/17/2014 NC Bandwagon said:

I hope no one takes this the wrong way and I am very sorry for the women and/or men here that got abused, so please don't take what I'm about to ask the wrong way.

How come women nowadays who are being abused don't leave? I can understand why they didn't a long time ago. There wasn't much information about it back then and they were kind of shamed into keeping quiet about it. But nowadays, many people would help a woman that's abused and there are shelters to help abused women. Since abused women have more resources and people to help them nowadays, how come they still stay?

Sorry if that upset anyone here or sounded ignorant. I tried to word it as gently as possible. I really am wanting to know.

There's been a lot written about it, most of which is available online. Maybe I can give some of it here. First and foremost, abused women are usually too ashamed to tell others what's happening to them. Many have been brainwashed to think no one loves them or ever will, that they deserve what they're getting. Many came from abusive homes and think it's normal. Others have no resources. There are a lot of reasons.

[mstyrion]

On 9/17/2014 NC Bandwagon said:

I hope no one takes this the wrong way and I am very sorry for the women and/or men here that got abused, so please don't take what I'm about to ask the wrong way.

How come women nowadays who are being abused don't leave? I can understand why they didn't a long time ago. There wasn't much information about it back then and they were kind of shamed into keeping quiet about it. But nowadays, many people would help a woman that's abused and there are shelters to help abused women. Since abused women have more resources and people to help them nowadays, how come they still stay?

Sorry if that upset anyone here or sounded ignorant. I tried to word it as gently as possible. I really am wanting to know.

I'll answer your question with pleasure, NC because you honestly want to learn.

The abuse cycle seldom starts with physical abuse out of nowhere. The abuser often starts with a gradual tearing down of the victim's self esteem. Subtle criticisms about appearance, weight and intellect. Then there is an isolation from friends and family.

The victim begins to think she is unworthy of being loved. That the abuser is the only one who cares about her and she is lucky to have him.

So can you see how the stage is set? By the time the physical stuff starts, the victim has been beaten down to the point decision-making is difficult.

There are other things that prevent her from leaving as well. Children, money, loss of a place to live. If the husband was the primary bread-winner, a woman with children has to plan for a very long time before she can get out and be certain she can take care of her kids.

I hope this helps.

[cody2]

On 9/17/2014 NC Bandwagon said:

I hope no one takes this the wrong way and I am very sorry for the women and/or men here that got abused, so please don't take what I'm about to ask the wrong way.

How come women nowadays who are being abused don't leave? I can understand why they didn't a long time ago. There wasn't much information about it back then and they were kind of shamed into keeping quiet about it. But nowadays, many people would help a woman that's abused and there are shelters to help abused women. Since abused women have more resources and people to help them nowadays, how come they still stay?

Sorry if that upset anyone here or sounded ignorant. I tried to word it as gently as possible. I really am wanting to know.

Might I suggest that you read this whole thread one more time, slowly. There are as many reasons as there are women who have suffered severe abuse. And when you get done reading here, google is your friend. Do some research. I am replying to you because you sound sincere in your search for knowledge on this subject.

Severe terror can be a big factor. Shame and embarrassment another. Being beaten down until you no longer recognize who you are. And again, severe terror, just for starters. Now you can take it from there if you are really interested in the subject.

[NoelSeven]

On 9/17/2014 mstyrion said:

On 9/17/2014 NC Bandwagon said:

I hope no one takes this the wrong way and I am very sorry for the women and/or men here that got abused, so please don't take what I'm about to ask the wrong way.

How come women nowadays who are being abused don't leave? I can understand why they didn't a long time ago. There wasn't much information about it back then and they were kind of shamed into keeping quiet about it. But nowadays, many people would help a woman that's abused and there are shelters to help abused women. Since abused women have more resources and people to help them nowadays, how come they still stay?

Sorry if that upset anyone here or sounded ignorant. I tried to word it as gently as possible. I really am wanting to know.

I'll answer your question with pleasure, NC because you honestly want to learn.

The abuse cycle seldom starts with physical abuse out of nowhere. The abuser often starts with a gradual tearing down of the victim's self esteem. Subtle criticisms about appearance, weight and intellect. Then there is an isolation from friends and family.

The victim begins to think she is unworthy of being loved. That the abuser is the only one who cares about her and she is lucky to have him.

So can you see how the stage is set? By the time the physical stuff starts, the victim has been beaten down to the point decision-making is difficult.

There are other things that prevent her from leaving as well. Children, money, loss of a place to live. If the husband was the primary bread-winner, a woman with children has to plan for a very long time before she can get out and be certain she can take care of her kids.

I hope this helps.

Well done

[cody2]

On 9/17/2014 mstyrion said:

On 9/17/2014 NC Bandwagon said:

I hope no one takes this the wrong way and I am very sorry for the women and/or men here that got abused, so please don't take what I'm about to ask the wrong way.

How come women nowadays who are being abused don't leave? I can understand why they didn't a long time ago. There wasn't much information about it back then and they were kind of shamed into keeping quiet about it. But nowadays, many people would help a woman that's abused and there are shelters to help abused women. Since abused women have more resources and people to help them nowadays, how come they still stay?

Sorry if that upset anyone here or sounded ignorant. I tried to word it as gently as possible. I really am wanting to know.

I'll answer your question with pleasure, NC because you honestly want to learn.

The abuse cycle seldom starts with physical abuse out of nowhere. The abuser often starts with a gradual tearing down of the victim's self esteem. Subtle criticisms about appearance, weight and intellect. Then there is an isolation from friends and family.

The victim begins to think she is unworthy of being loved. That the abuser is the only one who cares about her and she is lucky to have him.

So can you see how the stage is set? By the time the physical stuff starts, the victim has been beaten down to the point decision-making is difficult.

There are other things that prevent her from leaving as well. Children, money, loss of a place to live. If the husband was the primary bread-winner, a woman with children has to plan for a very long time before she can get out and be certain she can take care of her kids.

I hope this helps.

You said it sooooo much better than I did. Thank you.

[occasionalrain]

On 9/17/2014 NoelSeven said:

On 9/17/2014 occasional rain said:

Last night NCIS happened to be on, it's not a show I watch so I don't know the names of the characters, and a woman punched her coworker in the stomach as she passed by. The thing is that had the male actor done the exact same thing to the woman, there would be letters of outrage.

In movies and on TV we see women throwing things at men, slapping and kicking them, and I wonder why that's seen as somehow acceptable. Why aren't they arrested and charged? Even in the Rice incident, there has been nothing condemning the woman's behavior. So why the double standard?

Why aren't they arrested? Good God. Because they're TV shows. And most are written by men.

Is someone paying you to miss the point?

[mstyrion]

thank you cody and noel.