Community Chat

[faeriemoon]

I think it's silly to get all gussied up for a house party.  I'm more of a casual chic kind of dresser, and that would be my choice for a party at home.

[Lipstickdiva]

If one of my friends threw a formal holiday party, of course I would go.  But I would much rather be in dressy casual attire to be at someone's home. 

One of my biggest pet peeves is being expected to get all dressed up for a house party and then arriving to find out we aren't allowed to wear shoes in the house and having to put on some slippers or socks. 

Why have dressy attire and then ruin my outfit with some dumb slippers?  My shoes are part of my outfit.  Anyhow, yes that happened to me.  LOL 

[SaRina]

@Lipstickdiva, if "no shoes" wasn't specified to me beforehand, I'd leave. I think that would be very rude.

[Tinkrbl44]

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@Moonchilde wrote:

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@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

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@Lilysmom wrote:

Why do you have to have a dress code?  I would just lets people come as they feel appropriate or say casual dress if you must specify.  I am not sure how I would dress if I got an invitation that said 'Chiristmas Attire'.  Maybe I'm the only one but the parties I go to don't say how to dress and most times there is no written invitation.  LM

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@Lilysmom

Haven't you ever gotten all dressed up for a special occasion?  It's a lot of fun!    Do you really think wearing sloppy jeans is appropriate all the time?  

I'm guessing that many women have holiday outfits they've only worn once or twice and would love to get a little more wear out of.  

 Specifying "Festive Holiday Attire" gives people a chance to wear something different and fun if they would like.    Not everyone wants to come in what they wear every single weekend to run their errands!

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I don't see where @Lilysmom mentioned wearing jeans at all, let alone "sloppy jeans", nor did she indicate in any way  that she felt jeans (sloppy or otherwise) were appropriate "all the time."

And we all know that there is a wide variety of dress between jeans and cocktail dresses - and that women don't all dress the same even to "run errands."

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Yes, @Moonchilde, I realize that.  I was just making an example.    Don't people usually have at least a bit of a variety of wardrobe choices?   

If someone would actually skip a "Christmas attire" party for fear of it being much too dressy, I'm betting they think jeans are always okay.   "Christmas attire" is a pretty broad range, and I can't imagine it would be all that intimidating, but I guess it could be.

[viva923]

I am not one for getting super dressed up.  I wear a nice outfit but I do not wear a formal attire type dress to a gathering unless it specially states "formal dress required".  

When i am invited to a gathering to sit down and chat with other people, I like to be in a relaxed mode, not worrying if i spill anything on my super fancy dress attire.

[Moonchilde]

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@SaRina wrote:

@Lipstickdiva, if "no shoes" wasn't specified to me beforehand, I'd leave. I think that would be very rude.

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@SaRina, have you ever seen or participated in one of the many, many "do you tell people to take their shoes off before they enter your home, and, rude or not?" threads?

They get as wild, crazy and deadly insulting as amy threads ever have on these forums.

I'm also on the "very rude" side, but there are others who never want anyone to darken their door who can't comply for any reason and would be happy to refuse admittance. The threads are pretty...entertaining in their polarity.

[magicmoodz]

Admittedly, I am the Queen of Casual and make no apologies for it.  Should I be invited to a home party where I am expected to wear cocktail attire, I would expect the host to use white linens, china and sterling and not serve wine in some kind of plastic vessel.  

I am hosting a party in a few weeks for a group of friends who are the best.  I have no doubt that everyone coming will be wearing jeans.  It takes the pressure off me as a host and who knows, by then we could have a blizzard. What is important to me is they are great, kind, generous and fun-loving.  I am getting excited to start the planning process!

[Moonchilde]

It depends on why the party is being given, the people the host and hostess are inviting, and to some extent, where they live.

People throw parties for reasons other than friendship. A party for you or your husband's law firm, clients/customers, or the Symphony Board, for example. Those would almost certainly be semi-formal at least. Linen, china, silver, probably somewhat catered or with outside help, etc. People more trying to give a good impression to those they may or may not know well, than giving a fun, happy party for close friends and neighbors.

Parties for those you are actually friends with - work or not, neighbors, family - I would think the main thing would be to make the great majority of guests relaxed and happy to be there and enjoy themselves - whatever that entails - or doesn't entail.

[Noel7]

We have very close friends who are Thai.  It's cultural and weaves in with religion to remove your shoes when entering their house.

They provide disposable clean and fresh slippers at the door and a basket in which to toss them on the way out.

The family are wonderful hosts and give a lot of parties, the dad and daughter are great Thai cooks.

They invite a lot of people and we are all free to bring along anyone we like, including parents.  I've only known one person to refuse to take off her shoes, she's an incredibly rude person anyway, and acts all nasty at what she sees as a presumption.  Last time I asked why she continued to attend.  I wanted to ask if it was for the free food but I didn't.

[Moonchilde]

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@Noel7 wrote:

We have very close friends who are Thai.  It's cultural and weaves in with religion to remove your shoes when entering their house.

They provide disposable clean and fresh slippers at the door and a basket in which to toss them on the way out.

The family are wonderful hosts and give a lot of parties, the dad and daughter are great Thai cooks.

They invite a lot of people and we are all free to bring along anyone we like, including parents.  I've only known one person to refuse to take off her shoes, she's an incredibly rude person anyway, and acts all nasty at what she sees as a presumption.  Last time I asked why she continued to attend.  I wanted to ask if it was for the free food but I didn't.

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 @Noel7

I have asked this before, in multiple other threads, but no one has ever responded with an actual answer, only a sneer of disbelief.

I cannot go barefoot not because I mind taking off my shoes (if I am informed beforehand) but because I have severe plantar fasciitis. Orthopedists and podiatrists (not just the Vionic guy) recommend that those with PF NEVER go barefoot. 

I can, after years of never, EVER going barefoot, manage to go to the loo in the wee (pun haha) hours and back to bed barefoot without pain most of the time, but am very aware (because it happens to me periodically) that going barefoot (i.e. without some sort of arch support) for 10 minutes on a "bad day" (completely randonly) can cause me disabling pain for literally *months* and leave me essentially housebound because it hurts so bad to walk.

I could simply not attend somewhere that I had to be shoeless, period. There have been people on the forums who have categorically stated that they could foresee NO exceptions/reason not to comply, and implied that anyone who said anything to the contrary was lying just to get out of having to remove their shoes.

I'm sure this comes up in those cultures where shoeless households are the norm, and I wonder how they handle it. I can't believe they would be so crass as to think that someone would lie just to not have to take off their shoes. Perhaps it's only Americans who would believe that.

Additionally, being "the" person the spotlight would be on as having to be an exception and deal with the suppositions of others would most likely cause me to decline - which would probably upset a thoughtful, kind host. So...what to do...?

I have wanted to visit the Sikh temple in San Jose for months, but hesitate to go because one must be shoeless in the sanctuary and I don't want anyone to believe I'm "just saying it." So I don't go.