Buying and saving for 'good'...why? - Page 2

jlkz · ‎12-02-2013

When I was getting my mom's things together for her memory care life chapter, I found exactly what other posters have said: Beautiful gifts still in tissue paper. I was sad to see the things I had bought for her being "saved"... I had picked out colors she loved and looked wonderful in. She thought they were too nice and maybe weren't deserved.

I gave up trying to understand some of the crazy habits of family members. I learned early to do what pleases me as long as no one else suffers and my responsibilities were satisfied. Amen.

We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.
Sir Winston Churchill

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

There are a number of issues involved here:

A) When you give someone a gift, it is a gift. It is theirs to do with as they wish. The moment you give it, it has nothing more to do with you. It is the gifting part that was important. At that moment, it is theirs, so it shouldn't make you angry or hurt no matter what they do with it. THe classic example we've talked about many times is food. People make food, give it to someone, then are furious to think that they threw it away or didn't eat it. So they didn't "gift" it to someone in that case.

B) People try to give others something they wouldn't have thought of giving themselves. This sentence is self-explanatory. . . LOL!!

C) People "surprise" other with something. "Surprise" is not always a good thing.

ASK someone exactly what they want and give it to them or give them a gift card. PERIOD. We all have a lot of stuff (most of us more stuff than room) and in today's world, it's the only way to gift.

I am not intending any of this at the OP in particular. I'm recounting information from a lot of threads over the years I've been here. Collective wisdom from our posters says a gift is to make the person receiving it happy. If it comes with strings, demands or expectations from the giver it is FOR the giver's happiness, not the happiness of the gifted person.

catwhisperer · ‎07-11-2010

Okay, now I get it. I figure why not use something and enjoy it while you can. It's of no use when you are gone. A poster on a thread a few weeks ago was talking about buying yourself flowers and enjoying them while you are alive. That has really stuck with me and I have been enjoying flowers in my home ever since.

I promise to remind myself every day that I am strong, courageous, and resilient.

mstyrion 1 · ‎09-18-2014

@Sooner wrote:
There are a number of issues involved here:

A) When you give someone a gift, it is a gift. It is theirs to do with as they wish. The moment you give it, it has nothing more to do with you. It is the gifting part that was important. At that moment, it is theirs, so it shouldn't make you angry or hurt no matter what they do with it. THe classic example we've talked about many times is food. People make food, give it to someone, then are furious to think that they threw it away or didn't eat it. So they didn't "gift" it to someone in that case.

B) People try to give others something they wouldn't have thought of giving themselves. This sentence is self-explanatory. . . LOL!!

C) People "surprise" other with something. "Surprise" is not always a good thing.

ASK someone exactly what they want and give it to them or give them a gift card. PERIOD. We all have a lot of stuff (most of us more stuff than room) and in today's world, it's the only way to gift.

I am not intending any of this at the OP in particular. I'm recounting information from a lot of threads over the years I've been here. Collective wisdom from our posters says a gift is to make the person receiving it happy. If it comes with strings, demands or expectations from the giver it is FOR the giver's happiness, not the happiness of the gifted person.

______________________________________________________

This is not really the point of the thread. We're not talking about unwanted or disliked gifts.

We are talking about the behavior of "saving for good". The gift is probably cherished to the point the receiver feels it should be saved for a special occasion. Sometimes the occasion never comes. It seems to be a behavior most prominent in older folks.

Two totally different issues.

~Enough is enough~

nana59 · ‎05-12-2012

Maybe it's time for "The Talk!" Time to end gift giving--and send a card to recognize their birthday.......

SeaMaiden · ‎03-10-2010

I grew up in a family with a history of never enjoying things.....my Father's Mother covered all the furniture in plastic. My a Father did the same in our house. He always bought only the best and finest of everything.....I could never sit on our furniture. We had to sit on the floor in the front room as children. We could not touch anything.

I vividly remember one day touching a lamp and out of the blue my Father hitting me on the side of my head like out of no where. At the time I did not know why he hit me. As an adult I figured it out.

I sort of became the same way....I can not now as an adult sit on or enjoy my own furniture....and I save things rather than enjoying them now. I buy new clothes and have a hard time feeling good wearing them. History repeats it's self

GCR18 · ‎07-03-2013

I've done it in the past. I don't do it anymore.

september · ‎03-09-2010

I'm a practical person and give a lot of gift cards too. But statistics show that many of these never get used.

So our choices seem to be: buy an older family member a nice gift that won't get used, send a gift card that won't get used, or send flowers. I usually send flowers. Maybe the best choice.

shaggygirl · ‎11-24-2011

I'm guilty of that in a different way. I have a few beautiful tea cups and saucers that belonged to my grandmother. I save them "for good", like if company is here and someone wants a cup of tea. Why I deny myself the pleasure of using them when I'm drinking tea by myself I have no clue. I keep using the same three old ones that have chips on the saucer edges and one of the tea cups has a chip on the lip.

catwhisperer · ‎07-11-2010

@september wrote:
I'm a practical person and give a lot of gift cards too. But statistics show that many of these never get used.

So our choices seem to be: buy an older family member a nice gift that won't get used, send a gift card that won't get used, or send flowers. I usually send flowers. Maybe the best choice.

@september...I'll never forget the time many years ago when DH and I stopped at a flower shop and bought a beautiful bouquet for his mother. Took them to her and she told me she didn't like flowers and to take them home with me. Wow. Okay. Needless to say, she never got another gift from me.

I promise to remind myself every day that I am strong, courageous, and resilient.