Buying a house with a significant other? - Page 4

jaxs mom · ‎04-18-2012

Would you all think it horrible if she was going to leave her kids her half of the house?

Don't Change Your Authenticity for Approval

Financialgrl · ‎03-13-2010

I like the way my yougest brother and his wife have handled their finances. Second marriage for both and when they married, any $ gotten when her parents died (inheritance) stayed in her name only. My brother has kept monies gotten when our father died separately. A lawyer structured it so that each has access to those monies only in the event that one has been considered incapacitated and needed for their medical care. When either dies, the survivor then gets the money.

They each had a home when they married and they each sold those homes and bought one together - so that is not his house or her house. They have comingled only the monies earned since they married and that is what pays the mortgage and bills. Should they split, they sell "their" house, still have their own monies and move on.

I agree with him - he wants to keep money in the family for his children and don't see a prob with that. However, let HIM buy a house on his own but I'd NEVER allow him access to my father's home or help him buy another home. Nope, never, wouldn't do it and as others have said he's had 3 marriages and all have failed - the common denominator in all 3 marriages - HIM.

Ibby114 · ‎03-10-2010

Trust your gut instinct fully and completely!

What do your siblings (who own part of he house) think about this?

walkingal · ‎03-09-2010

You need legal advice. The children most always come first in these situations.

Ibby114 · ‎03-10-2010

@Tinkrbl44 wrote:
@carlycat wrote:
Ladies, appreciate your thoughts on this situation . I am 60 and engaged to a nice man who is 63. I own my deceased mother's house with my brother, and my fiancée needs a house to use as his office. He does not currently own another home. We cere considering having him buy the other half of my mother's house from my brother, so that my fiancée and I would own it together.
However, he told me, that even if we got married, even if we owned it together for 10 years, he would leave his "half" of the house to his four adult children from his previous three marriages. He said he would let me use it as long as I wanted, but that he would not leave his "half" to me.
I feel this is wrong and unreasonable, especially if we were married. He says I am unreasonable and anyone would agree with him. He had a very expensive third divorce and says he's not losing that kind of money again. Your thoughts, please.
@carlycat

Why is it "wrong and unreasonable" for him to want to leave his real estate interest to his children?

I can tell you from first hand experience, the surviving spouse doesn't always do as the couple previously agreed upon. My father died, leaving their home to my stepmother. Upon her death, the proceeds of the sale of their home was to be split 4 ways ... with my sisters and I and her son. Immediately after my father's passing, she transferred 100% ownership to her son, and we didn't learn of this until after her passing! An estate planner friend of mine said this is happening all the time, and a lot of adult children are getting screwed.

This might be a good relationship, but I think you need to re-think owning a home together. Don't ask for trouble. He wants to leave his kids something .... your home isn't it. JMO

Was there a request in your Dad's will that your stepmother didn't adhere to? Who was your Dad's Executor? If your Dad's wishes were clearly stated in a notarized will, you need to hire an estate attorney!! (I know a very good one in NJ- I'm my Dad's Executor).

CelticCrafter · ‎03-09-2010

@Financialgrl wrote:
I like the way my yougest brother and his wife have handled their finances. Second marriage for both and when they married, any $ gotten when her parents died (inheritance) stayed in her name only. My brother has kept monies gotten when our father died separately. A lawyer structured it so that each has access to those monies only in the event that one has been considered incapacitated and needed for their medical care. When either dies, the survivor then gets the money.

They each had a home when they married and they each sold those homes and bought one together - so that is not his house or her house. They have comingled only the monies earned since they married and that is what pays the mortgage and bills. Should they split, they sell "their" house, still have their own monies and move on.

I agree with him - he wants to keep money in the family for his children and don't see a prob with that. However, let HIM buy a house on his own but I'd NEVER allow him access to my father's home or help him buy another home. Nope, never, wouldn't do it and as others have said he's had 3 marriages and all have failed - the common denominator in all 3 marriages - HIM.

Yes, whether he did the divorcing or the exes did it in either case it's definitely him...

SaRina · ‎04-17-2015

I'm sorry, but IMO this stinks from the get-go. I just don't like this man's attitude. Even if you were to draw up what sounds like a complicated legal agreement, I'm sure there would be loopholes which would cause a lot of grief and fighting in the future. Don't count on being "safe" to remain in your home just because your fiance says he will "let you use (your home) as long as you wanted" (Whaaa??). The children could possibly take your home away from you. It just does not sound like a good arrangement -- certainly not for you.

RetRN · ‎10-01-2013

Get rid of this guy ASAP. You do not need him controlling your life. If you stay with him I can promise big trouble ahead.

Ms X · ‎09-13-2012

I assumed from your post that he wanted to own half of the house after the marriage. Is he suggesting this even before you are wed? If so, what's the rush? Have you set a date?

Maybe I'm being paranoid, but I'd wonder whether he might have plans to take out a loan with the house as collateral once he bought into it. He'd need your signature, of course, but maybe he thinks he could talk you into it. What do you know about his financial situation and his credit score? If you get very suspicious at some point, you could always talk to a private investigator and try to get a detailed background check on him. Please forgive me if this is over the top, but he does have three ex-wives and four kids.

Hayfield · ‎03-10-2010

I'm 61, still married, but if something happened to my DH, I most likely, wouldn't get married again for the exact reasons a lot have stated here. What's mine is mine and only my children are going to ever get what I have. I've seen it happen too many times. You need to look out for your own best interest and I wouldn't believe a word anyone said. Let him go rent some office space somewhere, that isn't your problem. It's not your fault he's been divorced three other times, that's his problem too. Of course if he buys half the house he'd have the right to leave his half to anyone he wants to, and that's exactly why I wouldn't do it!!!!