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Honored Contributor
Posts: 21,184
Registered: ‎11-03-2013

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

[ Edited ]

@carlycat wrote:

Hello, all, OP here. 

No, I am NOT going to do this. I think it's ridiculous, and the quote from Maya Angelou did cross my mind. However, he was quite adamant with me that ANYONE would see his logic, so I was checking with everyone. 

My brother and I are selling the house because we don't want to keep it. I own my own home and it is paid for. The BF just sold his home for a small profit and would rein invest that $ in my mother's home and he and I would jointly own it rather than selling it.

Frankly I was shocked that he said he would leave his "half" to his children and I am reconsidering the entire relationship. I agree with all of you. I'm sad, but better now than later. By the way, my brother said, "no way." 


Oh @carlycat I had a post all drafted but then thought I should read through other responses before I posted and I am glad I did especially reading yours.  I was in a somewhat similar situation and trust me you are doing the right thing.  I wish you the very best, you sound like a wonderful person and deserve it!

 

eta:  Is your brother married?  He sounds like a great and very smart guy!  Smiley Happy

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,305
Registered: ‎07-07-2010

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

End the relationship now.  I guarantee that if he predeceases you, you will be sharing your home with his children and they will or can make your life so miserable that you will leave.  They will also have access to everything that is in the home, including your personal things.

 

Most of us know how bad these situations can be and know people who have really gotten burned in situations very much like you are considering.  Since you asked, please listen.  It is very important that as a single female that you protect your assets. 

 

If you decide to marry him, make sure you have an excellent attorney because I believe you will need one.  Don't forget an air-tight pre-nup.  Death brings out the greed in many people, or as I like to call it, the greed gene.

 

Good luck to you in making your decisions.

 

 

The next time that I hear salt and ice together, it better be in a margarita!
Contributor
Posts: 73
Registered: ‎06-02-2015

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

I see how this is a good deal for him because he has the use of the full house for his business, but only pays for half, and his half will hopefully increase in time for his kids, but I cant for the life of me figure out how this would benefit the OP.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 23,728
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?


@Shorty2U wrote:

Carlycat; Follow me through here.

 

That would not bother me in the least bit, but I am not about "material things" Also no one is thinking of this. If you die first he gets the whole house anyway. You cant predict death! But when people are married each owns half anyway!

 

What does bother me is that he was married 3X. That would worry me. But only you know him personally and what happened with his other marriages. So, I probably wouldnt have dated someone who was married 3X to begin with (unless he was widowed for 1 or 2 of those marriages).

 

But anyway I dont argue over material things. All that matters is what kind of guy is he? Only you know that, not anyone here. So i say do what is best for your situation.


"Material things" are how we eat, stay indoors, and stay warm and dry.  Nothing wrong with "material things" as far as I am concerned.

 

I knew a guy who lived with a woman a long time, she raised his son, and he died (NOT suddenly) and left her nothing.  Everything went to his kid.  Retirement monies, insurance, I'm not sure about the house (don't think they owned one) but everything he had of monitary value went to the kid.  We were all stunned.  She was stunned.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 21,184
Registered: ‎11-03-2013

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?


@Sooner wrote:

@Shorty2U wrote:

Carlycat; Follow me through here.

 

That would not bother me in the least bit, but I am not about "material things" Also no one is thinking of this. If you die first he gets the whole house anyway. You cant predict death! But when people are married each owns half anyway!

 

What does bother me is that he was married 3X. That would worry me. But only you know him personally and what happened with his other marriages. So, I probably wouldnt have dated someone who was married 3X to begin with (unless he was widowed for 1 or 2 of those marriages).

 

But anyway I dont argue over material things. All that matters is what kind of guy is he? Only you know that, not anyone here. So i say do what is best for your situation.


"Material things" are how we eat, stay indoors, and stay warm and dry.  Nothing wrong with "material things" as far as I am concerned.

 

I knew a guy who lived with a woman a long time, she raised his son, and he died (NOT suddenly) and left her nothing.  Everything went to his kid.  Retirement monies, insurance, I'm not sure about the house (don't think they owned one) but everything he had of monitary value went to the kid.  We were all stunned.  She was stunned.


@Sooner I couldn't agree more.  Unless you are protected by marital laws get a good lawyer and get it in writing and that includes dealing with your siblings.  I know of what I speak, trust me.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 25,929
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

I would not even date , let alone live with or marry a man who has been divorced 3 times.  Definitely would not buy a house with him. If the OP really wants to solely own her home she should get a mortgage to buy her brother out herself.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 23,728
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

Not just commenting about this post and answers, but in general:  I have watched way too much tv I guess, but ANYBODY who had been married three times, I would have investigated, or at least track down all the ex-wives to see if they were "still around."  If you don't know someone's true background in this day and age, I'd have them checked out!   It is so easy to fake an identity today.

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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,152
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

@carlycat

TERRIBLE IDEA. What are u thinking?????

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,660
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?


@millieshops wrote:

Not sure there's really a problem here -  if I owned a house with my brother, for example, I'd expect his half to go to his kids, not to someone I chose.  Why should a new spouse be expected to pay his way into the marriage and give up the usual benefits of home ownership?

 

I do think the parties need to be working with a lawyer who understands both real estate and the issues of second marriages.  There are devlish details to be put into writing -  and they have nothing to do with love at all.


 

 

 

ITA.  IF he puts up cash to buy your brother out he wants to make sure that the equity he then has in the house eventually goes to his children.  WHat is so wrong with that?    IH he writes a will and leaves his half of the house to the OP and he dies first she the gets full ownership.  SHe can then write a will and leave ownership to her kids or anyone else she  chooses and cut his kids out completely.  HE is trying to ensure that does not happen.  he is leaving her a life estate allowing her to,remain in the house as long as she lives but then when she dies the house will be sold and his kids will receive 50% of the selling price.  I see nothing wrong with this.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,154
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

DITTO on the RUN!!!!!