Community Chat

[YorkieonmyPillow]

OMG NO!!!!

NO WAY!!!

[Ms X]

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@jaxs mom wrote:

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@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

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@jaxs mom wrote:

Would you all think it horrible if she was going to leave her kids her half of the house? 

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@jaxs mom

Bingo!!!  ...   I don't think a lot of people are understanding this point ....  yet they are happy to make him the bad guy here.    This may actually be a very good relationship, but an attorney needs to help them sort out finances so there are no surprises later.   

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Kind of like how it's fine when they get those child support checks but they sure resent the exwife getting her check from their new husband. 

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There's something to the logic here, but most people would feel uncomfortable owning their home jointly with their deceased husband's children from his three previous marriages.  There's not the level of trust or family oversight that there would be if OP's brother's children inherited their half.  OP's nieces/nephews would have immense family pressure if they tried to do something that hurt OP.  That would be less likely to be the case with the children of that man and his three former wives.  He did say she would be able to stay in it, so maybe it would never be a problem.  I have no idea how ironclad such an agreement would be.

[jaxs mom]

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@Ms X wrote:

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@jaxs mom wrote:

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@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

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@jaxs mom wrote:

Would you all think it horrible if she was going to leave her kids her half of the house? 

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@jaxs mom

Bingo!!!  ...   I don't think a lot of people are understanding this point ....  yet they are happy to make him the bad guy here.    This may actually be a very good relationship, but an attorney needs to help them sort out finances so there are no surprises later.   

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Kind of like how it's fine when they get those child support checks but they sure resent the exwife getting her check from their new husband. 

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There's something to the logic here, but most people would feel uncomfortable owning their home jointly with their deceased husband's children from his three previous marriages.  There's not the level of trust or family oversight that there would be if OP's brother's children inherited their half.  OP's nieces/nephews would have immense family pressure if they tried to do something that hurt OP.  That would be less likely to be the case with the children of that man and his three former wives.  He did say she would be able to stay in it, so maybe it would never be a problem.  I have no idea how ironclad such an agreement would be.

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I'm not saying OP should sell her inherited house and use the money to buy a home and give her possible new husband half. I'm just saying that his desire to leave his assets to his children doesn't make him a bad person. 

OP should seek advice from a lawyer because laws vary by state. 

[NicksmomESQ]

    If you really love this guy & want to marry him make sure you see an attorney! You need to have a pre-nup!! You must protect your interests!! You should not buy a house together & you should maintain separate bank accounts!! You should also have a will to protect those you love!!

[Tinkrbl44]

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@carlycat wrote:

Ladies, appreciate your thoughts on this situation . I am 60 and engaged to a nice man who is 63. I own my deceased mother's house with my brother, and my fiancée needs a house to use as his office. He does not currently own another home. We cere considering having him buy the other half of my  mother's house from my brother, so that my fiancée and I would own it together. 

However, he told me, that even if we got married, even if we owned it together for 10 years, he would leave his "half" of the house to his four adult children from his previous three marriages. He said he would let me use it as long as I wanted, but that he would not leave his "half" to me. 

I feel this is wrong and unreasonable, especially if we were married. He says I am unreasonable and anyone would agree with him. He had a very expensive third divorce and says he's not losing that kind of money again. Your thoughts, please. 

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@carlycat

Yoo hoo ....    Carlycat .... where are you?  

There's been a lot of speculating here, but some key points are a bit fuzzy.   Would this be your first marriage?  Do you have children?

Another thing I can't determine ....  does your brother need the money?  Is this why it came up at all?   

If your brother needs the $$$, why not just buy him out and own the home 100 percent?    Or better yet, sell the home and keep all assets separate.

Older people re-marrying need financial guidance from a good  attorney.    Laws vary from state to state, so we can only speculate.

I hope we hear back from you ..........

[Tinkrbl44]

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@jaxs mom wrote:

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@Ms X wrote:

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@jaxs mom wrote:

---

@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

---

@jaxs mom wrote:

Would you all think it horrible if she was going to leave her kids her half of the house? 

---

@jaxs mom

Bingo!!!  ...   I don't think a lot of people are understanding this point ....  yet they are happy to make him the bad guy here.    This may actually be a very good relationship, but an attorney needs to help them sort out finances so there are no surprises later.   

---

Kind of like how it's fine when they get those child support checks but they sure resent the exwife getting her check from their new husband. 

---

There's something to the logic here, but most people would feel uncomfortable owning their home jointly with their deceased husband's children from his three previous marriages.  There's not the level of trust or family oversight that there would be if OP's brother's children inherited their half.  OP's nieces/nephews would have immense family pressure if they tried to do something that hurt OP.  That would be less likely to be the case with the children of that man and his three former wives.  He did say she would be able to stay in it, so maybe it would never be a problem.  I have no idea how ironclad such an agreement would be.

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I'm not saying OP should sell her inherited house and use the money to buy a home and give her possible new husband half. I'm just saying that his desire to leave his assets to his children doesn't make him a bad person. 

OP should seek advice from a lawyer because laws vary by state. 

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@jaxs mom     @carlycat

No, it doesn't make him a bad person.    ITA

[SaRina]

It must be stressed that a pre-nup is not always iron-clad and does not prevent children from dragging you through the courts If they so wish just to see if there are any loopholes.

ETA:  .... and you would be amazed at how instantly greedy people can become down the road (in this case, his children) even if they don't appear to be that way at all now.

[SahmIam]

@carlycat  Let me see:

*DANGER!! DANGER WILL ROBINSON....DANGER!!!!  *flings arms around widely*

*RED ALERT!! RED ALERT!! WALK AWAY FROM THE MADNESS...NOW!!! RED ALERT!!

*ARE YOU CRAZY?!! 

*RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN!!!!!!!!!

Seriously now, what are you NOT seeing that everyone else is seeing about this being a BAD. WRONG. HORRIBLE. CRAZY. FINANCIALLY RUINING. idea?!

Please, don't. Please get legal advice as well as therapy IF ONLY to understand why this is a horrible idea and to find out why you are EVEN engaging it as a possibility. Hugs to you. God, I hope you see the light quickly.

[Noreen]

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@SahmIam wrote:

@carlycat  Let me see:

Please, don't. Please get legal advice as well as therapy IF ONLY to understand why this is a horrible idea and to find out why you are EVEN engaging it as a possibility. Hugs to you. God, I hope you see the light quickly.

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There has been alot of good advice here, but this above is awesome. The real problem is that he says IF they get married, and his focus on another divorce already. He is not comitted. If you want somebody warm next to you, get a dog. They never betray. And they give their all.

[Imadickens]

@jaxs mom I certainly understand wanting to leave an estate to ones children. However, not to the exclusion of the wife! There is no way on God's green earth I would marry this man! If he had told OP he wanted to divide his estate among his wife and children, I still would be wary! At this age, why marry and mess things up? Keep dating, but watch your wallet!