Community Chat

[aggravated]

---

@Isobel Archer wrote:

Isn't there a legal way to jointly own the house so that when one dies, full title automatically passes to the other owner?

I know there are problems if you move into to someone else's house upon marriage - because any promise that you can stay for the rest of your life can be changed later, but if you own the house jointly - can one party just decide to leave his/her "half" to someone else?  If that is the case, then all married couples owning houses are at risk of one spouse doing this.

---

Yes, you buy the house together as "joint tenants".  Ensuring the other inherits if the other half-owner predeceases.

[Mominohio]

---

@Deanie wrote:

One of my maxims that I have borrowed from Maya Angelou is," when people reveal themselves to you, believe them the first time. "

Frequently, we no longer do this, preferring instead of looking at things, people, situations etc as we would have them be rather than as they are.

And, even with advice of well meaning others who have our best interests at heart, we ignore it and carry on with a toxic agenda,  Why is that?  I do not know, however, it has taken me a very long time and mistakes to learn that this is one of life's most important lessons.

---

@Deanie

This is quite profound and true.

First impressions are usually correct ones.

And today we are excusing away all sorts of things with people including their behavior, their lack of responsibility, and their lack of performance in roles from anything to employee, to parent, to citizen. Until we stop the excuses, stop seeing things through rose colored glasses, people will continue to treat us the way we allow them.

[hoosieroriginal]

First reaction - NO WAY!  I have seen too many older women who own homes give up their homes to purchase a new home with a boyfriend or significant other, only to be left out on the street when things go bad.  If you are going to do this - get an attorney and PUT IT ALL IN WRITING!  Nothing to say his kids or family wouldn't kick you out of the house and then what?  I try to tell women - PROTECT YOURSELF!  If a woman has a house and marries, keep the house in YOUR NAME ONLY! 

[depglass]

He of all people should understand the unfairness of what he is asking of you.  You don't need this money and it sounds like you don't need him.  Don't get backed into a corner.  Late in life romances should not supercede your bequests to your children. 

[Lucky Charm]

Without reading all replies, but seeing you've never returned after the opening post, I have a bunch of questions.

Do you have any children?

If so, do you think the house should be left to only them?

Is he paying for his *half* with his own money?  (Cash--not mortgaging it.)

If so, should his half that he paid with his money, go to only you and your children?

Were you going to give him the entire half of your inheritence to him--or split it with whomever you were planning on giving it to before you met him?

Do you not like the idea that you can stay in the house as long as you need to, if it's in writing and legal? 

Would your inheritied half not be enough profit for you to move to somewhere else, if need be, as you get older?

Would your brother *give* you his half, if you needed that extra money to be able to move? 

Or does your brother have children that he wants to give his *half* to?

[Nataliesgramma]

Oh Boy......I am 61 and I can understand the need for companionship, but from what little you told us....I see alot of red flags. How long have you known him? Why do you feel that you even need to get married at this stage in life? You can enjoy spending time with each other without complicating things. 

This house issue is a BIG thing and I am at the age that I don't want a man telling me what to do or how to spend my money. I wouldn't marry a guy who is in financial straits either.

I would take a step back.......take a breath...... and would think twice about marrying this guy.

[hckynut]

(thread title)

@carlycat

I am not a lady. 

I however am with Judge Judy. When unmarried couples some say SO, and they are now former SO? 

She tells them "there are.no courts for those wanting to play house". That comes out to in my mind to: "if you are not married, don't come to courts looking for them to bail you out".

My suggestion? Wait till your SO is legally called "my husband". Even at 60, that does not mean we are now immune from making big mistakes. 

I did not read the body of your post. The title alone for me told me to quote what Judge Judy says repeatedly to unmarried's that are looking for her to figure out who owns what, and that is when she says the above quote.

hckynut(john)

[bri20]

If he needs an office, let him rent one.

I wouldn't even consider selling half a family home to him. 

[RedTop]

Oh, HELL NO!  The only good thing is that you know his plan up front, so if you proceed and ultimately wind up in a very bad spot, you will know exactly who to blame.   His children will want cash, and you will be forced to buy their half of the house.   

One of my friends was in this type of situation with her 3rd husband and their business.   As soon as he died, the kids jumped on her immediately to get their share.  My friend lost everything but her car, and the home, which was in her name only.  

[jaxs mom]

---

@Isobel Archer wrote:

Isn't there a legal way to jointly own the house so that when one dies, full title automatically passes to the other owner?

I know there are problems if you move into to someone else's house upon marriage - because any promise that you can stay for the rest of your life can be changed later, but if you own the house jointly - can one party just decide to leave his/her "half" to someone else?  If that is the case, then all married couples owning houses are at risk of one spouse doing this.

---

It all depends on how you have the ownership on the property. Married people can own property as their sole and separate property and leave it to whoever they want. Also state law varies.