Bullied to death - Page 7

Ms tyrion2 · ‎05-08-2017

@Marp wrote:
@chrystaltree wrote:
@Bri36 wrote:
@Trinity11 wrote:
Does anyone else find it strange that the parents are already talking about suing both the school and the parents of the children who bullied their daughter? The last thought I would have would be litigation if my daughter had died. They certainly seem proactive about litigation ...

I saw both of them on the News. Very composed and blaming everyone but themselves...
I'm not going to put myself in their shoes, and I'm certainly not going to judge them

The parents went to the school and to the parents of the girl who did the bullying. What blame do they shoulder?

Seriously? Is that ALL they did? If it is, then they own 100% of the blame for the child death. You don't just leave your child in a dangerous situation because you had a chat with some kids parents.

Excerpts from previously posted link: (emphisis added)

Nagel said the family went “all the way up the line” looking for help, approaching guidance counselors, teachers, the vice principal and principal of Copeland Middle School. Week after week, month after month, he said, “it fell on deaf ears.”

“The law requires that educators pay attention to whether a child is being hurt in a systematic way and investigate it, communicate with the parents of the hurt child and take steps to address it, including preventing further occurrences,” Green said.

Dianne Grossman said Tuesday that she “followed the school’s protocol" and school officials told her they would investigate but nothing was ever done.

Green helped craft New Jersey's anti-bullying law. He said the legislation was strong when it was written but now needs tweaking.

“The law has no specific discipline or measures put into it for when administrators and staff don't address the issue adequately,” Green said.

“No anti-bullying advocates feel that we are near the end of addressing this problem,” said Green. “We are nowhere near addressing it adequately.”

Thank you for providing facts in this case, @Marp.

BTW, I love your siggy. Very true words

happy32 · ‎10-29-2016

@2blonde wrote:
@Mominohio wrote:
@2blonde wrote:
I'll get bashed for this, but I truly think social media is a curse on our kids. When I was in school (100 years ago), I was skinny and awkward, and my best friend was very large. We made quite the pair walking down the hall, but any comments that may have been made were made in person in real time, and we were able to deal with them face to face. No one ever committed suicide while I was there for 12 years.

I agree, and what's worse, are the mealy mouthed parents that won't keep it out of the hands of their kids until they are older and able to use it responsibly. And in my opinion, 12 is not old enough for most kids.

These parents want to be their kid's friend, not their parent. They don't want their kid to 'suffer' by not having and doing what everyone else does. They make excuses that 'this is how kids interact and socialize these days'.

Parents need to grow a pair and learn to say no. And mean it. I'd rather my kid not like me, than to be burying them, or having to deal with suicidal tendencies because they can't cope with things that they should be able to get away from for at least a part of each day.
@Mominohio I couldn't have said it better myself. I know a very conservative family with two boys who have never been allowed to participate in any of this, or even have cell phones. Those two kids are the nicest, most responsible and well-adjusted teens I've seen in awhile. Their parents love them and they know it. The oldest will be starting college here this month. His mom is so proud of him.

Bingo! 2blonde hit the nail on the head.

I work in a school setting where most of the parents are good parents, they really care about their kids and see them for who they really all (warts and all). They praise when it's earned and discipline when it's necessary.

And then you have the other group of parents.....the ones who refuse to hold their kids accountable because it's too much work and they would rather be the fun parents. There is a sense of entitlement that the rules don't apply to them and the kids pick up on that behavior.

I remember seeing an interview with a very wealthy businessman (he was a billionaire from another country) and he was asked if it was hard to say no to his children when they asked for certain things. His response? (Paraphrasing)

"It's actually very easy to say no because if I say yes, they grow up thinking only about themselves and what they want. Then they grow up to be selfish and spoiled, so by saying yes I would be hurting my children in the long run. As a parent, I don't want to hurt my children so saying no to them is easy."

I don't think discipline (when done correctly) hurts the child, it actually helps them. It shows them that there are consequences to certain behaviors. I am so grateful for the discipline I had as a kid because it taught me that it's not always about me and what I want. My parents loved me but they had no problem putting me in my place when it was needed. That was their job and to them it was just common sense. The message was loud and clear: be honest, kind and respectful. Or else.

nun ya · ‎03-09-2010

One thing i have noticed, a boy will bully alone.

A girl has to usually have a few others, put them together is like a pack of wolves.

MickD · ‎03-10-2010

Shame on the school - laziness, and shame on the parents - denial. Of course I'm not meaning to blame the grieving parents, but no one else is going to be more proactive toward the child, than the parents. Take the phone a way. Take the child out of school and connect online to the local school district. Easy. Case closed.

Our school district has a very strong anti-bullying stance. My son was never bullied, but felt odd at his school. We tried a smaller classroom environment. That didn't work. We transferred him to another school which has a better fit for his learning needs. Problem solved. He will be a senior this year. He does no social media whatsoever. His phone is for contacting us.

Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you.... ~ S & G

Lipstickdiva · ‎03-10-2010

@smb3 wrote:
I don't think the school is to blame. The children involved in the bullying are to blame! Most schools do not allow cell phone use with students during school, so where does the school get the blame. Go to the source of the bullying, which is the kids. I would of went directly to the parents. I also would of taken away her phone, as I do not think a 12 year old really needs a cell phone, especially if there are kids bullying her and that is the source they are using to do it. If she goes to a school event, out and about with friends or has afterschool activities thn can have the phone for emergency. I can't judge the parents and what they"ve done. We all make mistakes and can look back in hindsight and know there were better choices, etc. Parenting isn't an easy thing, but i think for the most part, we try our best. I am still shocked that a 12 year old committed suicide, seems so young to have that idea in your mind....

But it appears you are judging the parents. You are judging them for blaming the school. They did go to the school multiple times about this and the school did nothing.

You are judging the parents because you said they should have gone to the parents of the bullies. They did do that and were told by the parents it was a joke.

You are judging the parents for allowing their child to have a cell phone at the age of 12. I'm not sure I'd allow my 12yo to have a cell phone at that age but that's a personal decision and a judgment call.

Bri36 · ‎02-20-2017

The kids were bullying her on school property. It wasn't solely on her phone.

I don't know if Mallory's parents took her phone away or not. They may have wanted "evidence" of the bullying. Mallory's mom said she was on the phone with one of the girl's mom who was bullying Mallory. The girl was sending texts as they were speaking.

It's a parent's choice to give their kids a cell phone at that age. There should be some monitoring. If your kid is bullying someone, please take it seriously.

The school really didn't care about the bullying. They cared about her falling grades. Sad.

Cumbercookie13 · ‎05-06-2016

I actually think girls are worse than boys when it comes to bullying. I've dealt with them in my childhood, and I noticed that when I talked back to the boys and stood up for myself, they stopped and left me alone. The girls, though, they would keep at it. No amount of cussing them out, telling them to shut up, or even threatening violence back would ease up their behavior, as a matter of fact, it made them even more angrier and meaner. Now with social media in the mix, some are downright relentless and won't stop unless they're physically stopped.

Even adults gang up on others on Facebook and say awful things. If grown people are engaging in this behavior, it's not hard to see their children will be the same way too. They're getting the green light from Mom and Dad to be bullies. And schools need to wake up and realize it's not about "this is what kids do, they'll grow out of it." Because some don't, and now we're seeing the tragic results with kids commiting suicide.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@Trinity11 wrote:
Does anyone else find it strange that the parents are already talking about suing both the school and the parents of the children who bullied their daughter? The last thought I would have would be litigation if my daughter had died. They certainly seem proactive about litigation ...

I saw both of them on the News. Very composed and blaming everyone but themselves...

@Trinity11

First, I have to say that I've never seen this on the news and what I know is from this thread ... and I've read every post.

If I had repeatedly contacted both the school AND the parents of the bullies, you bet I would look to make an example of them ..... and the publicity that goes with suing their azzes off is the very least they have coming. Public humiliation gets the attention of other parents very quickly.

The SCHOOL is obligated to provide a safe environment for students .... both for learning and and development. They are OBLIGATED to monitor the behavior of students.

Example ...... What if there were a bunch of boys going around raping female students, should the school also look the other way? Should the raped girls be transferred to another school .... or the rapists pulled out?

The PARENTS OF THE BULLIES had an obligation to monitor their kids' behavior, including texts sent & social media posts. No excuses.

Perhaps there needs to be a person who investigates these types of predatory behavior? I could see a meeting with all parents concerned, the school principal and a police officer hold a meeting based on the complaint .... evidence is on either social media or text messages ..... and make it clear that the bullies' parents were put on notice that charges would be filed if this didn't stop immediately.

Okay, maybe the problem is that the laws really haven't caught up with how schools respond .... as in, if it's not illegal, we'll take these complaints with a grain of salt.

All I can say is that the bullies need to be arrested and taken to task for this predatory behavior ..... with a looong period of PROBATION.

When all else fails, I say sue them for everything they have .... but even that won't bring their daughter back.

Trinity11 · ‎11-16-2014

@Tinkrbl44 wrote:
@Trinity11 wrote:
Does anyone else find it strange that the parents are already talking about suing both the school and the parents of the children who bullied their daughter? The last thought I would have would be litigation if my daughter had died. They certainly seem proactive about litigation ...

I saw both of them on the News. Very composed and blaming everyone but themselves...

@Trinity11

First, I have to say that I've never seen this on the news and what I know is from this thread ... and I've read every post.

If I had repeatedly contacted both the school AND the parents of the bullies, you bet I would look to make an example of them ..... and the publicity that goes with suing their azzes off is the very least they have coming. Public humiliation gets the attention of other parents very quickly.

The SCHOOL is obligated to provide a safe environment for students .... both for learning and and development. They are OBLIGATED to monitor the behavior of students.

Example ...... What if there were a bunch of boys going around raping female students, should the school also look the other way? Should the raped girls be transferred to another school .... or the rapists pulled out?

The PARENTS OF THE BULLIES had an obligation to monitor their kids' behavior, including texts sent & social media posts. No excuses.

Perhaps there needs to be a person who investigates these types of predatory behavior? I could see a meeting with all parents concerned, the school principal and a police officer hold a meeting based on the complaint .... evidence is on either social media or text messages ..... and make it clear that the bullies' parents were put on notice that charges would be filed if this didn't stop immediately.

Okay, maybe the problem is that the laws really haven't caught up with how schools respond .... as in, if it's not illegal, we'll take these complaints with a grain of salt.

All I can say is that the bullies need to be arrested and taken to task for this predatory behavior ..... with a looong period of PROBATION.

When all else fails, I say sue them for everything they have .... but even that won't bring their daughter back.

Yes, @Tinkrbl44....I was just mentioning to Cakers that some of the posts here were something I needed to think about. I change my position reading through them and was thinking hindsight is always 20/20. I think the parents probably need some kind of closure and if suing would help some other precious child from having to go through such a terrible thing, it would be worth it....

It is such a tragic case to lose such a beautiful, young girl to suicide.

abbeythe 8th · ‎04-17-2010

While schools are obliged to provide a safe environment, I do not see how they are able to control what takes place out of school, particularly on social media. If the bullying took place in school then go after to school. If it did not, I do not see how they can be help responsible.

My heart breaks for this poor young girl and the family she left behind. If the bullying took place on line the obvious solution would have been to not to allow the child to participate on any of these sites. Haven't there been examples where outside of school bullying became legal issues?