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Honored Contributor
Posts: 39,905
Registered: ‎08-23-2010

Re: Book Recommendations for Finding the "One"


@DiscountDiva wrote:

I am 30 in less than 4 weeks! I know about the "The Rules". Anything else that you found helpful? TIA


 

 

 

So what if you're 30 in less than 4 weeks?    While it's nice to meet someone, don't count on it happening.    Another person won't complete you and maybe your life is meant to go in another direction.  Nothing is worse than when people try to force a specific outcome.

 

One more thing ......    If you have The Rules, throw it out.  What a ridiculous book!

 

 

Valued Contributor
Posts: 699
Registered: ‎02-16-2011

Re: Book Recommendations for Finding the "One"

[ Edited ]

@DiscountDiva wrote:

I am 30 in less than 4 weeks! I know about the "The Rules". Anything else that you found helpful? TIA


 

When I was single, I thought 2 things were helpful

 

1. If you are looking for a book, read "why men love B itches".  

2. If you have not, try online dating.  I met my husband on E-harmony as did several of my other friends.  

 

IMHO, to find someone to love and to love you, you first have to love yourself.  The gist of which is discussed in the book I recommended.  That a b itch is meaning not a nasty woman, but rather a confident, secure, independent woman who doesn't need anyone else to make her happy, has her own full life and does not take any BS.   A mate should complement your life, not complete it.  

 

best of luck, and don't be too worried about age.  30 is the new 20 and all of that!

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,829
Registered: ‎03-18-2010

Re: Book Recommendations for Finding the "One"


@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

@DiscountDiva wrote:

I am 30 in less than 4 weeks! I know about the "The Rules". Anything else that you found helpful? TIA


 

 

 

So what if you're 30 in less than 4 weeks?    While it's nice to meet someone, don't count on it happening.    Another person won't complete you and maybe your life is meant to go in another direction.  Nothing is worse than when people try to force a specific outcome.

 

One more thing ......    If you have The Rules, throw it out.  What a ridiculous book!

 

 


I have to agree with you here, the Rules is pretty ridiculous.

 

I agree with what many here have said. In the past I have had friends who were really desperate to find a man and quite frankly whether they realized it or not, it was very apparent to the men they tried to date and scared them off.

 

I know it is easy for one to say just enjoy your life single, you don't need a man to have a good life, etc,... For someone who wants to find a mate, it seems that isn't easy. What I suggest is to get out there and put yourself out there more. I do think it is very important to enjoy your life even if you don't have a mate already. Do the things you enjoy doing, get out there and sign yourself up for classes you are interested in like cooking, yoga, painting, etc... Not only are you doing something you honestly like to do but you will meet other people who like them too. While you may not meet the man you want to date there, you may meet other women or men who you like as friends. That is important because not only will you meet a future friend but that also opens up more opportunities to meet their friends are family. Who knows, maybe you will meet your future partner through them.

 

Have you tried any online dating services? Just like anything else in life you will find people who aren't there so much for real relationships but hook ups. That is normal and you shouldn't let that discourage you. I helped one of my friends write her description and interests. I think it is important to write on there you are interested in friendship or possible relationship but aren't interested in hookups and to not contact you if that is all they are interested in. That of course won't guarantee that, but I think it is good to include that. I also think there are online dating sites that are better than others. I googled best online dating sites, and this is the link I got and this goes by reviews. 

 

http://www.top10bestdatingsites.com/?kw=best%20online%20dating%20sites&c=91150696027&t=search&p=&m=e...

 

Hope that helps. I think the most important thing is to get yourself out there. The more avenues you open yourself up to, the more chances you will have to meet someone. Getting out of your comfort zone is a good thing to do, not only for dating, but life in general. Good luck!

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.
JFK
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,829
Registered: ‎03-18-2010

Re: Book Recommendations for Finding the "One"


@tantallum wrote:

@DiscountDiva wrote:

I am 30 in less than 4 weeks! I know about the "The Rules". Anything else that you found helpful? TIA


 

When I was single, I thought 2 things were helpful

 

1. If you are looking for a book, read "why men love B itches".  

2. If you have not, try online dating.  I met my husband on E-harmony as did several of my other friends.  

 

IMHO, to find someone to love and to love you, you first have to love yourself.  The gist of which is discussed in the book I recommended.  That a b itch is meaning not a nasty woman, but rather a confident, secure, independent woman who doesn't need anyone else to make her happy, has her own full life and does not take any BS.   A mate should complement your life, not complete it.  

 

best of luck, and don't be too worried about age.  30 is the new 20 and all of that!


 

This is so important to remember and is absolutely true!

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.
JFK
Valued Contributor
Posts: 949
Registered: ‎05-22-2010

Re: Book Recommendations for Finding the "One"


@151949 wrote:

@segrl21 wrote:

@Mz iMac wrote:

Stop looking & "The One" will fall in your lap when you least expect it.


Not to be disagreeable but think that it is an overused statement. Most of the married people I know actively pursued someone and searched for a spouse. This may happen for some people but think most have to put some work into it. My mom also said something very wise "the one that falls into your lap may have planted themselves there". 


 

I met my first husband when I answered an ad for a car he had for sale. I went to see it and he asked me if he could call me for a date. He was older than me and had custody of his kids so I hesitated but he was just so darn handsome and sexy - and he was from London. Anyway, I certainly did not have to "put any effort into meeting him" I didn't even buy the car he was selling.


Thanks for sharing your story, but its that your story, a lot of us have searched for the one.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,907
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Book Recommendations for Finding the "One"

30!  You've got plenty of time!  Although I'm reasonably attractive and dated many men post-college I didn't meet Mr. Right until I was 39 (married at 40 baby at 45).   Keep being involved and interested (and be interesting).  You will probably get married when the rest of your life is in sync and you meet someone who you complete and who completes you.  When I was about 50 I went to a party with about 20 sorority sisters and we shared what our lives had been like since we graduated at 21, 22.  Several were happy, several weren't but few had lives as interesting as mine--glad I waited to marry!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,491
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Book Recommendations for Finding the "One"


@DiscountDiva wrote:

I am 30 in less than 4 weeks! I know about the "The Rules". Anything else that you found helpful? TIA


 

I've never found one book to be perfect. I have found good tidbits in many different books.

 

My main books, besides The Rules, are

 

Mars & Venus on a Date

(as an aside, Mars & Venus in the Workplace is also very good and eye opening)

Surrendered Single

 

If you've never done online dating, Fine I'll Go Online is very good for crafting your profile, navigating the process and staying safe.

 

If you are an overly nice person, Why Men Love and Why Men Marry (I'll leave off the last word of these 2 books) is very good for overcoming that particular affliction.

 

 

===================================
QVC Shopper - 1993

# IAMTEAMWEN
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,136
Registered: ‎06-29-2010

Re: Book Recommendations for Finding the "One"

Lots of good takes here on how to look at turning 30. 

I believe that marriage is not for everyone.  Seems that younger generations don't need marriage or another to feel complete.  Know why you want to meet 'the one'.  Do a lot of self searching and also pay attention to what's going on with the available people in your age interest. 

Ask yourself, are you the one who needs to re-vamp yourself to attract certain mates? 

Never Forget the Native American Indian Holocaust
Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,047
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Book Recommendations for Finding the "One"

After reading about your sister's life as a new wife on a more recent thread, are you still intent on "finding the one"?

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,475
Registered: ‎03-14-2015

Re: Book Recommendations for Finding the "One"


@deepwaterdotter wrote:

After reading about your sister's life as a new wife on a more recent thread, are you still intent on "finding the one"?


 

 

 

 

Personally, I think that Diva is jealous that her younger sister got married before she did.