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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,912
Registered: ‎03-29-2019

Bittersweet Memories - a.k.a A Year of Goodbyes

Today was the pizza party for all currents and past Sears employees at a local pizza joint.

 

 

I went there straight from work, and the place was packed.

 

There were a couple of big cards to sign, which I did.

 

 

It was nice to see familiar faces that I haven't seen since I left 12 years ago.

 

Everybody looked older, and thicker, as I know I did too.

 

 

A couple of people that I knew and worked with have since passed on, but they were remembered with great fondness.

 

 

I learned that everybody was going to meet up at the old store to take a group photo.

 

Of course I went.

 

 

It was so sad to see the store so empty. Almost everything was gone.

 

 

We assembled outside, and our group photo was taken.

 

 

There were may hugs, and getting caught up on each other's lives.

 

 

 

 

I walked through the store for the final time, and everywhere I looked, there were memories of my younger days.

 

 

How innocent I was, and even naive about life I was.

 

I was so happy-go-lucky then, as I suppose all young people are, before Life smacks them upside the head.

 

I miss being that person.

 

 

As I walked out to my car to go home, it hit me.

 

 

A chapter of my life was coming to a close, was ending.

 

 

A very important, significant part of my life was closing.

 

 

 

 

This year, 2019, has been a year of "good-byes" for me.

 

 

 

I said "Good-bye" to Sears, where I was hired as a wide-eyed, innocent 19 year old, and left when I was a wiser 37 year old.

 

 

 

 

I said "Good-bye" to my 16 year old cat, Charlie.

 

 

And last, but certainly not least, and most importantly, I said "Good-bye" to my dear, sweet dad. The kindest, most gentle of men that you could ever hope to meet.

 

I was so lucky to be his daughter, and to have him as my father.

 

There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him, and miss him, more than mere words can convey.

 

My heart aches with missing him.

 

 

This whole year, has felt like a very important, significant chapter is coming to a close and is ending.

 

 

I know that I said that earlier, but that's how it feels.

 

 

It's like, I have come through the darkest, fiercest storm, and have emerged on the other side, stronger, older, and hopefully, wiser.

 

While I look forward to the next chapter, I find myself tearful of letting go of the old chapter.

 

But let go I must.

 

 

It's time.

 

 

I'm now ready to face what lies ahead.

 

 

At least, I think that I am.

 

 

I feel ready to start anew.

 

 

 

My ultimate goal, is to leave this county, and move to where no one knows me, and there is no personal history for me.

 

 

I came up here to this county when I was 18 years young, and now that I don't have anything tying me here, I want to move and start fresh.

 

It may not happen next year, but that's what I want.

 

 

Anyway, those are my rambling thoughts for today.

 

Thanks for making it this far and for listening.

The Sky looks different when you have someone you love up there.
Valued Contributor
Posts: 687
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: Bittersweet Memories - a.k.a A Year of Goodbyes

@Anonymous032819,

I'm so sorry to read your story.  Change can sometimes be good, sometimes heartbreaking.

 

I've gone thru similiar.

 

My dear cousin Frank died in his sleep at the age of 74.  He had a golf game that morning, his wife went to wake him and ...  That was April 13.  That week we also found out my dad's remaining sibling, his sister, died in Italy.  

 

I was thrilled to chaperone a high school trip to Italy (with the school I retired from).  We spent Easter in Florence, went to Rome, Sorrento.  From Sorrento we visited Capri and toured the Amalfi coast.  It was a great trip.  Students loved it, I loved it.  

 

Got home Sunday night, that Tuesday dad, age 97, fell in the house.  We rushed him to the hospital, he had pneumonia.  He died Saturday, May 4 surrounded by his 2 daughters, his son in law (who we always said dad loved more than usWoman Wink), his 2 grandsons and grandson's new wife.  We had him cremated and threw him a big party a few weeks later.  And we put his ashes in the beautiful garden near mom (he was a gardener).

 

I've spent the last few days with my cousin as we sit with her 95 year old mom, my aunt, who is the final stage of her life.  She was a spitfire when younger, but dementia has changed all that.  It is heartbreaking to see my cousin go thru this. 

 

And it will be the 3rd family death in our family since April.  Ugh.  

 

I understand you wanting to start over elsewhere.  I actually did that too.  In August, I left all immediate family behind and moved to the beach in Delaware.  I always wanted to be near the beach, and now I am.  I'm near one cousin (who is about to lose her mom).

 

Life is to be appreciated as we never know what will happen.  And we never know where life will take us.

 

I wish you peace and happiness in 2020.  And I hope you get to realize your dream.Heart

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,749
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Bittersweet Memories - a.k.a A Year of Goodbyes


@Anonymous032819 wrote:

Today was the pizza party for all currents and past Sears employees at a local pizza joint.

 

 

I went there straight from work, and the place was packed.

 

There were a couple of big cards to sign, which I did.

 

 

It was nice to see familiar faces that I haven't seen since I left 12 years ago.

 

Everybody looked older, and thicker, as I know I did too.

 

 

A couple of people that I knew and worked with have since passed on, but they were remembered with great fondness.

 

 

I learned that everybody was going to meet up at the old store to take a group photo.

 

Of course I went.

 

 

It was so sad to see the store so empty. Almost everything was gone.

 

 

We assembled outside, and our group photo was taken.

 

 

There were may hugs, and getting caught up on each other's lives.

 

 

 

 

I walked through the store for the final time, and everywhere I looked, there were memories of my younger days.

 

 

How innocent I was, and even naive about life I was.

 

I was so happy-go-lucky then, as I suppose all young people are, before Life smacks them upside the head.

 

I miss being that person.

 

 

As I walked out to my car to go home, it hit me.

 

 

A chapter of my life was coming to a close, was ending.

 

 

A very important, significant part of my life was closing.

 

 

 

 

This year, 2019, has been a year of "good-byes" for me.

 

 

 

I said "Good-bye" to Sears, where I was hired as a wide-eyed, innocent 19 year old, and left when I was a wiser 37 year old.

 

 

 

 

I said "Good-bye" to my 16 year old cat, Charlie.

 

 

And last, but certainly not least, and most importantly, I said "Good-bye" to my dear, sweet dad. The kindest, most gentle of men that you could ever hope to meet.

 

I was so lucky to be his daughter, and to have him as my father.

 

There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him, and miss him, more than mere words can convey.

 

My heart aches with missing him.

 

 

This whole year, has felt like a very important, significant chapter is coming to a close and is ending.

 

 

I know that I said that earlier, but that's how it feels.

 

 

It's like, I have come through the darkest, fiercest storm, and have emerged on the other side, stronger, older, and hopefully, wiser.

 

While I look forward to the next chapter, I find myself tearful of letting go of the old chapter.

 

But let go I must.

 

 

It's time.

 

 

I'm now ready to face what lies ahead.

 

 

At least, I think that I am.

 

 

I feel ready to start anew.

 

 

 

My ultimate goal, is to leave this county, and move to where no one knows me, and there is no personal history for me.

 

 

I came up here to this county when I was 18 years young, and now that I don't have anything tying me here, I want to move and start fresh.

 

It may not happen next year, but that's what I want.

 

 

Anyway, those are my rambling thoughts for today.

 

Thanks for making it this far and for listening.


Beautiful post. I am so sorry for your losses...unfortunately most of us have years like yours. If looking for a new job...hope you find another soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Careful... I have caps lock and I am not afraid to use it.**
Super Contributor
Posts: 333
Registered: ‎09-02-2018

Re: Bittersweet Memories - a.k.a A Year of Goodbyes

[ Edited ]

What a moving post and thanks for sharing your personal story.  Goodbyes are so hard and bittersweet from jobs to our personal relationships, especially family. I'm sorry about the loss of your father and cat. That's 2 major losses.  Last holiday season was the first year without my mom  for Thanksgiving and Christmas so I know how emotionally difficult it is to miss a parent.  But I wish you peace and comfort.  It's so admirable you want to make a move in the new year. Sometimes new experiences help us to move forward and hoping you find a place you love. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,213
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Bittersweet Memories - a.k.a A Year of Goodbyes

@Anonymous032819 May your year be amazing. Keep expressing your hopes and dreams to the universe / your higher power / people who support you. There's something magical about expressing your hopes and dreaming big. Someone on this forum mentioned this week that life is a series of hellos and goodbyes. I've also lost people this year and some dear friends are battling serious health issues. I'm thinking if I allow that statement / reality to sink in that the pain of loss will be manageable. I'm hoping so. 

"I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees." Henry David Thoreau
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,158
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Bittersweet Memories - a.k.a A Year of Goodbyes

My father worked for Sears too and retired in Duluth,MN. He is no longer living.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,891
Registered: ‎09-22-2017

Re: Bittersweet Memories - a.k.a A Year of Goodbyes

I am so ready for this year to be over.

 

Bring on 2020!

Frequent Contributor
Posts: 132
Registered: ‎05-09-2010

Re: Bittersweet Memories - a.k.a A Year of Goodbyes

What a beautiful letter.  It is sometimes so difficult to remember wonderful memories.  I retired in 2006 from a job I loved.  Recently a coworker very young passed from breast cancer.  Attending her service and seeing so many people people from my working made me so very happy and sad at the same time.  I guess I thought I would get older, but my outlook and my health wouldn't change.  Unfortunately that is not the case so much any more. Good luck starting over elsewhere!

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,614
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Bittersweet Memories - a.k.a A Year of Goodbyes

@Anonymous032819 

 

Your thoughts are so true for many of us ... finding the next chapter.  When I lost my dad that was the worse chapter -- I miss him every minute of everyday.  He suddenly passed when I was 31.

 

Then I said "yes" to early retirement & move away from my family after years of listening (nagging) to my spouse who had been retired 10 years before me. I honestly believed life would be "fulfilling" and retirement would be fun -- guess I wanted to believe my spouse was right...he's living the dream not me.

 

I'm much younger (by 25 years) to most of the friends I've met since my move.  As I am thinking about Thanksgiving sadly, I'm realizing how many of those who graced my life for years (and my holidays away from family) very few are still with us☹️.  

 

A big wake up call knowing that I've been trying to "find" my next chapter -- my saving grace is I go home a lot.

 

Life is getting shorter so we need to get to the "next chapter" sooner than later!  Whatever you decide I hope it's a new beginning & you find happiness🙂

 

 

 

 

Regular Contributor
Posts: 229
Registered: ‎07-24-2019

Re: Bittersweet Memories - a.k.a A Year of Goodbyes

@Anonymous032819   Wherever you may go always be prepared to write down your random thoughts of the day. You have touched the reality of everyone's life . This beautiful post about things gone and what lies ahead makes all of us wonder.