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Frequent Contributor
Posts: 96
Registered: ‎08-09-2010

Re: Birthday disappointment: is it me?

Sounds like you are throwing yourself a pity party. Good grief, do you know how many women would give an arm and leg for their husband to remember their birthday with cupcakes and a gift card? Red velvet is romantic.....it's chocolate and pink/red. And you had told him about the ipod thing you were interested in......he probably stuck that thought back in his brain thinking that would be a good bd gift for you. The store didn't have the item you wanted in yet so he got you the gift card to show you he remembered it. What on earth do you want from him? You sound very hard to please. And maybe he didn't want a handmade bookshelf from you or for you to move his things around. You'd better watch your attitude or you'll lose him to someone who better appreciates him.
Kate
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Occasional Contributor
Posts: 12
Registered: ‎02-18-2016

Re: Birthday disappointment: is it me?

We actually share a birthday. I received nothing for my birthday from my family. I was hoping I would be taken out to lunch but I didn't even get a card or phone call. I'm disabled and not able to get around very well by myself so i spent the day home alone. I would have been very happy with cupcakes and a gift card. 

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Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,291
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Birthday disappointment: is it me?

I have two inlaws that think birthdays are just another day and nothing to acknowledge should be done.  They think birthday cards are dumb. 

 

I don't feel this way at all.  My point is:  everyone is different.  

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Contributor
Posts: 62
Registered: ‎05-21-2015

Re: Birthday disappointment: is it me?

[ Edited ]

 

I've been married for 40 years and it's true--men are not great at giving gifts, even if they love and adore you. 

 

Instead, they show their love by what they do for you--so the cupcakes and the gift certificate speak volumes. Show him appreciation for what you did get and drop hints the next time. I'm betting your husband wants to make you happy, so help him out, so that you're both happy.

 

 

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Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,617
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: Birthday disappointment: is it me?


@shaina wrote:
Today is my birthday. My husband didn't once ask me what I wanted to do, or what I wanted as a gift, or anything in the weeks leading up to today. This morning he goes out and comes back with a dozen red velvet cupcakes. I've never had red velvet in my life, bc I'm a picky eater and it doesn't seem appealing. I don't really care about cake, in general. Then he got me a gift card for Best Buy so I can buy the apple airpod wireless headphones when they come out. I guess we talked about how cool they are back when they were announced 2 months ago. I haven't said a word about them since, nor do I listen to a lot of music or use headphones often. On the gift card package he wrote " this isn't as lame as it looks." He said he felt bad bc he was hoping they would have released the headphones by now and that a gift card isn't the best present.

For his bday this year I took him to the store and let him pick out a chair/couch for Man cave. Then while he was out of town, I built a bookshelf for his record collection, moved all his records to it, then hung (drilled for the first time ever) display shelves and carefully chose his fave records to display. I also ordered a blanket/throw of his favorite footy all team for that room and had it thrown over the chair. He came home to this while I was at work.

I feel so let down. Like I worked so hard, and he did almost nothing and what he did do was like he hardly knows me. Am I being dramatic? Expecting too much? Thoughts?

@shaina

 

I know its been a little while since this has been posted but I just saw it.  

Occasions -- birthdays, anniversaries, are more important to some than to others.  Some people don't think its a big deal while others think this is the main way that a party should show their love.  

 

I, personally, love to be remembered on an occasion.  For me, its not about the gift, it's about being remembered.  It's important to me that a significant other, DH in my case, remembers my birthday, anniversary, etc. as this makes me feel that he appreciates me, needs me and loves me.  He does show me every day that he loves me and I know that.  But when we care about someone, what does it hurt to put a little extra something into a special day for someone?  All it might take is a card, fixing a special meal, baking a treat, going for a drive - whatever.  Spending a lot of money is not for me what matters.  It's the remembrance that is what matters to me.  

 

DH and I had an incident awhile ago which I will not go into, but it ended up in my being terribly upset and him getting very angry and then the whole day was ruined.  The end result was that we both decided that we would no longer buy gifts for each other with the exception of Christmas.  We would exchange cards instead.  When one person puts a lot of focus on gift giving (whether small or large, expensive or inexpensive) and the other person just does not see the importance of it, it can cause a lot of upset --- not worth it.  

 

I am genuinely sorry that you were disappointed and hurt in your birthday situation.  Maybe you and your husband could have a discussion and agree to have a similar arrangement.  Maybe you could agree to exchange non-monetary gifts instead.  I tend to have high expectation for occasions and this leads to disappointments and hurt feelings.  It's really not worth it.  It sounds like you have a good man, but he just looks at things a little differently than you.  

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." - Steve Martin