Community Chat

[beach-mom]

I thought this was interesting. It's from a letter in 1745. giving marriage advice to young men and telling them why they should marry an older woman! Controversial at the time? Yes. What do you think about this advice today? 

Knowledge and conversation that enriches the mind 

Franklin observed that older women have a wealth of knowledge and experience, making them engaging conversationalists. Their minds are "better stored with observations," leading to more meaningful and enriching discussions. 

This perspective was particularly progressive for the 18th century, when women's intellectual capabilities were often dismissed. Franklin recognized that wisdom and experience contribute significantly to relationship satisfaction, a finding supported by modern relationship studies. 

The development of lasting friendship and care

Franklin believed older women develop into "the most tender and useful of friends." He observed as physical beauty changes with age, women cultivate other valuable qualities, becoming particularly attentive and caring partners, especially during times of illness or hardship. He believed long term compatibility relies more on emotional support and practical partnership than on superficial attributes.

Social discretion and reputation management 

Franklin noted older women's superior discretion and prudence in managing relationships, protecting both parties’ reputations. This practical consideration would have been particularly relevant in the socially restrictive environment of colonial America.

While social norms have evolved significantly since Franklin’s time, his observations about mature judgment and social wisdom remain relevant to modern relationship dynamics.

Equal pleasure in physical intimacy 

Franklin's most controversial point addressed physical intimacy. He said the pleasure of intimate relations with an older woman equals or surpasses that with younger women, noting that experience enhances rather than diminishes satisfaction. 

Modern research agrees, with studies indicating that women often experience increased sexual confidence and satisfaction with age.

Mutual appreciation and attitude 

Franklin addressed the emotional dynamics of age gap relationships. He observed that older women often show greater appreciation for their partners, leading to more balanced and mutually satisfying relationships. 

Though written nearly three centuries ago, Franklin’s letter offers surprisingly relevant insights into relationship dynamics. While his primary advice remained in favor of marriage as “the most natural State of Man,” his observations about the advantages of mature relationships challenge age-based prejudices that persist even today. His letter, initially censored for its frank discussion of intimate matters, now stands as a testament to his progressive thinking about age, relationships, and human connection.

[AuntMame]

All well and good, but Franklin was known to have treated his own aging wife rather poorly. In later years, he lived apart from Deborah Read for years at a time; they lived on different continents in fact. During that time he was known as a womanizer and philanderer. If he developed lasting friendships with older women, they were probably not with his wife. 

[Goldengate8361]

Well at least what he wrote would indicate that Ben was a pretty smart guy. There are other reasons, too, to conclude he was a smart guy. 

[Major Shopper]

@beach-mom Thank you for sharing.

I remember seeing a documentary on PBS about Ben Franklin and he was less than an ideal husband!

Wasn't home much of the time and busy doing his own thing!

Also, not the most faithful guy!!!

I would take his Marriage Advice with a grain of salt!

[San Antonio Gal]

What age is considered older back then @beach-mom ?  

[just bee]

[Laura14]

The younger woman probably threw him out in the middle of that lightning storm with his key and told him to go fly a kite. 

Now we know the rest of the story...

[beckyb1012]

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@San Antonio Gal wrote:

What age is considered older back then @beach-mom ?  

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From VeryWellHealth

Industrial Age

1760–1860 AD

38–44 years

[lgfan]

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@Major Shopper wrote:

@beach-mom Thank you for sharing.

I remember seeing a documentary on PBS about Ben Franklin and he was less than an ideal husband!

Wasn't home much of the time and busy doing his own thing!

Also, not the most faithful guy!!!

I would take his Marriage Advice with a grain of salt!

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Those who can do and those who cannot teach.

[Mz iMac]

Ben was a male ho & had several illegitimate (at least 2) children.  I learned this in my high school history class.