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Re: Been here 50 years I want to move


@Snowpuppy wrote:

Could never trade in my happiness for cash. Nope, nope, not happening.

 

I've had two men show me the door. One is the absolute love of my life yet I took the door both times.

 

How much can a man love YOU when you are between a rock and a hard place yet he doesn't budge an inch to accomodate you? 

 

If I leave, I wake up alone yet if I stayed I'm just as alone and you show your children you are a doormat.

 


@Snowpuppy

 

Are you saying the OP is “between a rock and a hard place”? If so, please define.

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Re: Been here 50 years I want to move


@goldensrbest wrote:

I was thinking about this ,  in a way i can identify with this need , i had it in 1998 ,i so wanted to leave here ,after the death of our son ,husband looked for job in our home town area, i found a house ,in the end he did not want to leave his job, fast forward he died in 2013,  looking back i feel it would had been best if we had moved in 1998.


@goldensrbest Best for ...?

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Re: Been here 50 years I want to move

@Retired Legal Secretary..would it be possible to rent/buy a house trailer in a park near your sister?... that way you could visit anytime you wanted... you'd have your own space that wouldn't cost an arm and a leg... less maintenance, taxes, etc....I think that's what I'd look into for a temporary situation.

 

I know exactly how you are feeling... like you're stuck...

 

I was in a similar predicament as you about 4 years ago.. We had moved (in 1997 and lived there 18 yrs.) , 10 hours away from family/home town as I had accepted a good job offer (as per his coaxing)... we were out in the boonies (what my hubbie wanted and he had some friends close by)..

 

We had to drive everywhere... i.e. gas station, doctor, pharmacy, groceries, etc...We lived in the woods and a ways out of our small town...it was a nice home,  quiet, dark at night (no street lights), with only one close neighbor....he was able to just walk out our back door onto our property and go hunting, close by to fishing, etc..

 

He loved it, but I got to despise it.....We both worked in opposite directions... 15 mi. one way and 35mi. the other way... I hated driving , especially in the winter...The desire to move overtook me and my health started to suffer... I wanted to live closer to our families (who were 500mi. away)...

 

Finally after I stopped working, I had to threaten my husband with divorce to talk him into moving.... we'd been married for over 40 years, but I didn't care... I wanted to get out!!!.....So he finally agreed to accomodate me (after he retired) and we moved back to our home town closer to our families/friends, a smaller home with neighbors and closer to everything...

 

I wish I would've never moved away... I know that now, but cannot change the past...so now we are trying to rekindle relationships that were almost lost because of the move... (We now have one estranged daughter)..

 

I know exactly how you feel about it not being 'home'... you are just living there...

 

I hope all goes well and wish you all the best in your decision, whatever it is...

 

 

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Re: Been here 50 years I want to move

I get the convenience thing.  I would hate to have to drive miles & miles for shopping, appointments, etc.  I would consider moving to the closest town/civilization that you like. At least you'd be out of the boonies & maybe your husband would be OK since he would still be close to his family & area.  You'll still be far from your sister but at least you will be closer to other people & facilities, plus your kids will be nearby.  Your husband might like being closer to doctors & hospitals the older he gets. 

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Re: Been here 50 years I want to move

@occasionalrain

Just wondering...? How long have you been married?

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Re: Been here 50 years I want to move

@Retired Legal Secretary, If you can afford to do so, buy the home near your family and buy it in your name only.  Spend time in both homes as it suits you.  You have lived long enough to know about regrets.  Just do it!

The next time that I hear salt and ice together, it better be in a margarita!
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Re: Been here 50 years I want to move

[ Edited ]

@occasionalrain wrote:

Fifty years of catering to one's spouse, putting his needs and wishes first, while working and driving 10 miles each way to get groceries. Giving him two children, caring for him through illness. That doesn't sound all that worth keeping. Now after 50 years of living where he wants, making the best of putting him first, just once she wants him to put her first and he won't even considerate it.

To me, that's a deal breaker. 


@occasionalrain

  

I think we have to remember that things aren't always as they sound.  According to her own words he has been good to her and she loves him.  I think it would be pretty hard to love someone who never accommodated you...I get that.  It sounds to me like .....up to now.... they have both done their share of accommodating.  If that's the case there should be a happy medium to be reached.  Maybe not the complete fulfillment of a dream but somewhere a bit closer than she was.  You mentioned all she has done for him....well....what about all he has done for her???  That is probably one of the reasons they are still married after fifty years....don't you think?

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Re: Been here 50 years I want to move

Holy cow, first I haven't catered to him for 50 years and his isn't a dictator.  I wouldn't have stayed married for 1 year let  alone 50 to someone who dictated anything. We have always discussed major life choices to be made. Yes, I took care of him when he was sick and when my hip was shot and I needed surgery he helped me and after surgery did everything I needed unasked. He still helps me around the house, makes me coffee in the morning like he did when he retired and I was still working.We talked for 3 hrs last night. He said if we were younger and in better health he would most likely do it.  His fear in going is something happening to him and my sister,  She is diabetic, they are worried about her kidney function and she had congestive heart failure last summer.  He worrries I would be alone there and the kids would be here. Plus my 2 closet friends are here. I haven't been miserably unhappy for 50 years. When we were raising the kids I was busy,they had cousins next door and close by to play with, they did sports etc. but I was younger. The kids visited my parents for a couple weeks in the summer and my parents came up. My Dad loved it here. When I worked it was okay, although hte driving was a pain but again I was younger.  I see his points and he understands my reasoning. I would prefer conveneince at this age. We will continue the discussion.

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Re: Been here 50 years I want to move

Haven't read all the responses, so maybe this has already been suggested.  I wouldn't move back to my hometown without first renting -- ideally for 6 months -- but at least for a little while.  I still have feelings of "home" when I think of where I grew up, but it has changed so much. So many people have moved away.  And especially if you don't really care for your sister's husband.  It's one thing to see him on a visit, but would he be a bigger fly in the ointment if you actually lived there?  

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Re: Been here 50 years I want to move

I would think no matter what it would be good to get out of the boonies & into a condo or townhouse where you don't have to deal with yard maintenance & all that.  Someplace near the doctor, grocery & drug stores, restaurants, shops, etc.

 

Years ago I remember my mother-in-law saying she & my father-in-law "wore out their welcome" & stayed too long at their house.  They lived about 50 miles from the closest family & after they stopped driving a grandkid would have to come down & take them to the store, dr appts, mow the lawn, etc.  They were on the east coast & we are on the west coast so we couldn't do much.