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Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,408
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Been here 50 years I want to move

If it is in your heart to want to move....It is sad that your DH says no way.....that is a tough situation.... I hope you can figure something out that fills your bliss.  Leaving your husband is most likely not a way to fulfill your dream....but..... how important is it to you to move?😶 This might be the only way if he will not budge.

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Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,171
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Been here 50 years I want to move

Stay with your sister for a few months. If they are allowed to have a travel trailer on the property , stay in that for privacy.

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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,197
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Been here 50 years I want to move

The doctor situation would be high on my list of considerations.  If your DH has already had cancer, I would be even more concerned.  What would medical care be like in your new location if he or you got sick?  Is there anyone in the new location to give you support?  It doesn’t sound like your sister is in the best of health so there probably won’t be much help there.

 

I get your desire for change.  It is no doubt prompted by your newfound freedom in retirement.  Is there another move not so far away that would address both your concerns.

 

Good luck @Retired Legal Secretary.  I am sending you and DH best wishes in your retirement.  LM

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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,832
Registered: ‎05-11-2013

Re: Been here 50 years I want to move

@esme  I have nothing in common with my in-laws. 

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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,967
Registered: ‎04-23-2010

Re: Been here 50 years I want to move


@esme wrote:

@Retired Legal Secretary You’re retired. Make the four-hour drive to see your sister etc. when you want to see them. Stay as long as she’ll have you. It’s easier...and kinder to your husband...than moving. 

 

ETA...or just leave, since you “have nothing in common.”  Would he notice?


She said that she has nothing in common with her in-laws; not her husband

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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,832
Registered: ‎05-11-2013

Re: Been here 50 years I want to move

We will certainly continue discussing subject.  I love him and I would never just up and leave him after 50 years because I didn't get my way on this. Nor would he leave me if reversed.  His health is my main consderation in this.  

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Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,473
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Been here 50 years I want to move

I agree w/ ECGB - can you split your time? Maybe downsize at both locations? It's so important to feel at home and being near your sister would be so nice. Try to find a way to compromise, as Cherry and others suggested. And husband getting his way is not a compromise.

"I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees." Henry David Thoreau
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Valued Contributor
Posts: 946
Registered: ‎04-14-2018

Re: Been here 50 years I want to move

You would have ask yourself "Is it worth the fight?".

 

The answer could be yes. If so, you have to find the courage to branch out alone.

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Registered: ‎09-15-2016

Re: Been here 50 years I want to move


@Retired Legal Secretary wrote:

@kitcat51  He knows I would prefer it elsewhere.  Moving is a want not a need.  I would love to move but I'm not going to wither and die if I can't get him to change his mind. I guess it comes down to him being more unhappy there or me just not wanting to be here. If we stay I want to go back to work  part time.  there is a good size city 35 miles from here. A 45 min.to 1hr.commute depending on traffic but I would get out of the boonies a few days a week.


My late husband wanted to move to a MD suburb outside of Washington DC & live in his childhood home but I didn't want to leave our sons, grandchildren or the small town we live in. We had arguments about it & I don't know what would've happened but I do know I feel guilty he was so unhappy about my no before his death. A couple & 2 different wants, it's hard...I think your plan of getting a part-time job in the city if you don't move is a great idea, Good Luck. 

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Posts: 5,317
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Been here 50 years I want to move

[ Edited ]

@Retired Legal Secretary wrote:

We will certainly continue discussing subject.  I love him and I would never just up and leave him after 50 years because I didn't get my way on this. Nor would he leave me if reversed.  His health is my main consderation in this.  


@Retired Legal Secretary   Something to factor into your thinking:  You DH obviously loves living where you are currently at  and the lifestyle it provides since he has been there his entire life.  If he would not be as happy or comfortable  in a more urban area  it will affect his health.  I say that due to personal experience.

 

I lived through my grandmother and my mother being uprooted from their homes and watched as they tried valiantly to adjust but just could not fully make the transition.  They both longed to "go home" the remainder of their lives.  The effects of the moves and their sense of loss played a  significant part in the deterioration of their health.

The more I learn the more I realize how little I know.
Being perfect must be a heavy burden.