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Re: Been here 50 years I want to move

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Did your husband know you were unhappy living in the country all those years?  I suspect that he either didn't know or didn't know how unhappy you were.  Yes, it would be nice if you could get him to agree that since you have lived where he wanted for 50 years, you should spend the next years where you want to live.  But it doesn't sound like that would ever happen.  I can't see a 72 year old man packing up and moving away from his home and everything that he loves and is familiar with.  That's something a 20 year old girl with stars in her eyes would do. It's odd that after 50 years, you never settled in and made connections.  I think, at this late stage, you have the life you made for yourself.  Perhaps you can speak with your sister and arrange for you to visit her for long weekends and holidays.  As you said, it's only a 4 hour round trip.  I would accept the reality of my life.

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Re: Been here 50 years I want to move


@occasionalrain wrote:

He may be sweet but he's selfish. You have given him 50 years of his choice and he should want to reciprocate. He knows you are unhappy and doesn't seem to care. A man who loves his wife wants to please her. Apparently, he loves his relatives more.

I would, divorce him, out of the blue, and move to the house near my sister. 


 

        Spoken like someone who isn't married.  

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You realize nothing will be the same, not even being by your sister. Sorry but I wouldn’t go either. And that’s from experience.  You want to drag him away after 50 years, I don’t see not wanting to uproot my whole life as being selfish. Not sure if my husband was serious or not, but I told him to have fun.It wasn’t to his hometown, just south of where his sisters live. I’ve only lived here 28 years.

~~
*Off The Deep End~A very short trip for some!*
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Re: Been here 50 years I want to move


@Retired Legal Secretary wrote:

Thanks for the replys.  Having to have 2 houses and spend 6 mos. at each is something I don't want to have to do.  Twice the upkeep,  taxes etc.  He's  not dictating our location but he knows I never LOVED it here and at 75 and 68+ why uproot and leave now.  Our daughter might be okay with it. she moved back in and helped when her Dad got cancer a couple of years ago. Our son would never leave.  He loves his house and has a ton of friends here. I would never divorce over this. I'll see if I can convince him. I have to consider too if he relents and something happens to me he's there with none of his family.


 

        If you still have two grown adult children living in the house, I assume they are paying room and board.  Is there any way that you can rent a small apartment near your sister and split your time?  

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Re: Been here 50 years I want to move

He may be just enough older than you that he is also thinking about illness, nursing homes, etc.  I think you start thinking about that kind of thing more in your 70's.  He may want to be where he knows people who  would drop in and help or check up on you both...including your children or grandchildren....if need be.

 

 

If he absolutely won't consider moving there permanently, maybe you could rent a property 3 or 4 months out of the year.  This is a tough one.  Hopefully you can meet somewhere in the middle. If not would he mind your being away several months out of the year?  

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Re: Been here 50 years I want to move


@Chrystaltree wrote:

@occasionalrain wrote:

He may be sweet but he's selfish. You have given him 50 years of his choice and he should want to reciprocate. He knows you are unhappy and doesn't seem to care. A man who loves his wife wants to please her. Apparently, he loves his relatives more.

I would, divorce him, out of the blue, and move to the house near my sister. 


 

        Spoken like someone who isn't married.  


You would be wrong. I am married and more than pleased with my husband. 

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Re: Been here 50 years I want to move

That's a tough one. I guess I'd ask if he would go visit the home you'd like to buy. Also point out the convenience of this new location and hope he takes the bait. I'm not clear on the proximity of son and daughter. Would one of them want your existing home?

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Re: Been here 50 years I want to move

If I’d had to live close to my in-laws for 50 yrs., at some point I’d have had a change of address to the state penitentiary, if you get my drift.

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Re: Been here 50 years I want to move


@Retired Legal Secretary wrote:

 I moved from a small city to the country (or East  Begeezus as I call it) when I married 50 yrs. ago,  I was 18 and it was new and different. Other than a major PITA as far as distance for basic needs as in 10 mi.minimum one way for Dr., hospital, grocercies I managed. I was busy raising kids and then working after they were in school. I worked in next the town, if 1 stop light and a movie theatre open weekends makes a town. I am now retired and this place is not me. There is a house for sale in my hometown one street from my sister.  I want to buy it and move there.  Husband is a no way.  His siblings live here and he has been here 71 yrs.  I am not close to my in-laws.  No fighting just nothing in common. This town is not home I just live here. Would like to spend whatever time I have left someplace I Iove with my sister and her kids and grandkids. I still have friends from school there too.  We have2 great neighbors here and I would miss them and my friends but it would only be a 4hr.round trip to visit and it wouldn't be an issue to do it. What would you do?


OP, did you just drop this wanting to move thing on your dh or has it been an ongoing discussion between the two of you?  We moved cross country when dh retired but, it had been in the works for 20 years and we'd talked about making a move time and time again before we finally settled on a place.  And we'd spent vacations in each of the places we'd been contemplating moving to.   If I just dropped moving on him all of a sudden, I think he'd have refused, too.  Moving is a big decision and maybe he just needs time to digest it all, especially if it hasn't been discussed in the past.    (I probably should have read the entire thread before posting this, but I didn't take the time.)

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Re: Been here 50 years I want to move


@occasionalrain wrote:

He may be sweet but he's selfish. You have given him 50 years of his choice and he should want to reciprocate. He knows you are unhappy and doesn't seem to care. A man who loves his wife wants to please her. Apparently, he loves his relatives more.

I would, divorce him, out of the blue, and move to the house near my sister. 


That's one heck of a cavalier attitude to have when talking about a marriage that's lasted 50 years.