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Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,246
Registered: ‎09-12-2010

Re: Been here 50 years I want to move

After 50 years of marriage and a husband who has had cancer and is now in his early 70s, it's pretty hard to sell a home and move to another location. The OPs family is a 2 hour drive one way - that really isn't that far. I have no family where I live, except for my hubby's two sons and their families....this is not my first marriage. DH has a lot of health issues, so there is absolutely no way I would expect him to leave this area when all of his physicians are right here. Do I wish things were different? At times I do, but I love him and will be here for him. The OP is not an insurmountable distance from her sister and family. So come to an agreement with DH and spend a week or two with sister every 2 or 3 months. With a son and daughter who both live in the area, she certainly isn't alone (unless there are other issues). Very few of us have a perfect family or perfect home or perfect marriage. If there is no love left in the marriage, that's another story, but that doesn't seem to be the issue here.

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Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,492
Registered: ‎10-27-2010

Re: Been here 50 years I want to move

It’s Between you and your husband. Your obvious anger tells me that this is about more than your location. Nuff said. 

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Posts: 5,471
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Been here 50 years I want to move


@Retired Legal Secretary wrote:

@Sooner  I meant my sister and her family are there not that I prefer them to my own kids. Our "kids"are both in their 40's.  In fact our daughter will be 50 on her next birthday. In fact, I wouldn't be shocked if she would be in favor of a move.Our son loves the house he bought 5yrs.ago near us, he's a country person.He hunts, he has his ATV a great group of friends and he dates.  He has a really good job he likes so he won't go anywhere. I would miss the kids but it's 100 miles not across the country. They have their own lives.  We have no grandchildren.


@Retired Legal Secretary - 100 miles? I thought you said it was 4 hours away, which has to be way more than 100 miles. If your daughter lives in your house, what would happen to her? I would imagine you'd be selling your house if you were moving. Does she have the means to move into her own place? 

 

I wish you the best of good luck, but your life is a little too confusing for me. When I get mine all straightened out, I'll be back.

 

 

The measure of any Society is how it treats its women and girls.
~~Michelle Obama
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Posts: 1,200
Registered: ‎06-18-2018

Re: Been here 50 years I want to move

[ Edited ]

@sunala wrote:

@Retired Legal Secretary wrote:

@Sooner  I meant my sister and her family are there not that I prefer them to my own kids. Our "kids"are both in their 40's.  In fact our daughter will be 50 on her next birthday. In fact, I wouldn't be shocked if she would be in favor of a move.Our son loves the house he bought 5yrs.ago near us, he's a country person.He hunts, he has his ATV a great group of friends and he dates.  He has a really good job he likes so he won't go anywhere. I would miss the kids but it's 100 miles not across the country. They have their own lives.  We have no grandchildren.


@Retired Legal Secretary - 100 miles? I thought you said it was 4 hours away, which has to be way more than 100 miles. If your daughter lives in your house, what would happen to her? I would imagine you'd be selling your house if you were moving. Does she have the means to move into her own place? 

 

I wish you the best of good luck, but your life is a little too confusing for me. When I get mine all straightened out, I'll be back.

 

 

@sunala   Yes, you are confused. @Retired Legal Secretary, in her original post, said 4 hours roundtrip. That could be about 100 miles one way. She also said her adult daughter is in no way an issue regarding this marital decision.
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Posts: 728
Registered: ‎06-03-2012

Re: Been here 50 years I want to move

[ Edited ]

Just a idea......have you thought, perhaps, of acquiring an RV? It doesn’t have to be terribly large, but comfortable enough that your husband might enjoy taking off with you for a few days/weeks at a time. You could get your “change of scenery with your family and friends” fix, and who knows? Your DH may change his mind. If not, you still get a taste of what you long for, while in your own “space.” Best part, you’ll still be together. 😊

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Posts: 1,200
Registered: ‎06-18-2018

Re: Been here 50 years I want to move

@Retired Legal Secretary  I've read almost every post and you sure do have a lot of varied opinions here. That lends credence to your original thought that this is a very hard decision to make.  I'm going through a situation in my life now that's quite similar, so I understand the doubts and real concerns you're experiencing. I'm happy to hear that DH is now at least willing to do visits and see if this may be something to consider long term.

 

Your husband may have been quite ill but he is not elderly nor are you.  But now is the only time for a change like this, you can't do this in 20 years. Have you discussed with him the problems with driving such distances where you live now as you both age?  You don't know what will happen with anyone's health... his, your sister's or even your own. But like everyone, you're all getting older. I haven't heard this mentioned either, have you discussed with him the probability of getting better health care, with more choices of doctors, specialists and hospitals in a more urban setting? 

 

I would do what you are doing.  As a next step, I definitely wouldn't sell my home, I'd rent near your sister for at least six months (if financially possible), just to really see how I felt after that amount of time. That would also make him feel that the decision is not permanent and irrevocable. After temporarily renting, he might also realize that downsizing to a townhome, apartment or condo may really make life easier (and healthier) for both of you.

 

If he's an outdoor type guy,  he can always visit his family and your son for "guy" type weeks or weekends whenever he wants.  I wish you all the best and let us know how it all works out for you.

 

 

 

 

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Posts: 2,225
Registered: ‎05-11-2013

Re: Been here 50 years I want to move

@LibbyAnnE  Anger?   I am not angry. I posted that we have decided to spend sometime in my hometown each month and look at options. I have not been miserible for 50 years. aggrevated at times having to drive over hill and dale for basic needs,especially in bad weather. Again when the kids were growing up and I was younger being in the car was just life. As an example the school is a 10 mile round trip.  They rode the school bus but on the rare times they missed the bus off  we went in the car. When I worked in an office is was 28 miles round trip. Fine in summer but if the weather was bad and we got out early (normal for us as most had a distance) the drive home was entertaining. Now at 68 I am over the distance thing. Hubby will be 75 this summer, some say 70's are not ederly. What is average life expectancy, 76/78? Yeah, 75 is elderly. If we could get groceries delivered even that would help. You can order on line but you have to go get them as we are not in the delivery area. Our daughter worked locally until she was 25. got a new job which is close to 35 miles one way. I thought she crazy then and still do. but she likes to drive and dosen't mind it. She's done it for almost 24 years. 

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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,767
Registered: ‎09-30-2010

Re: Been here 50 years I want to move

@Retired Legal Secretary   Your original post and your subsequent ones definitely don't have an angry tone.  I would characterize it more as being wistful.  

 

I'm praying for you (and you are not alone in needing prayers, we all do, including me right now) and hoping that whatever the outcome is that you determine jointly with your husband will be one that helps you both be content and together.

 

Be well. aroc34

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Contributor
Posts: 63
Registered: ‎11-30-2018

Re: Been here 50 years I want to move


@Nananana59 wrote:

you have been living close to your husband's family for 50 years.....maybe it's time for your husband to live close to your family.........


Change can be good.

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Contributor
Posts: 70
Registered: ‎02-16-2015

Re: Been here 50 years I want to move

[ Edited ]

On my gosh, Retired Legal Secretary, you wrote my story exactly!  I so know what you are feeling.  I wish you peace of mind.💓