Community Chat

[PIT-HAG Melissa]

(((beckyb)))

My mom passed at the end of May(31st) in 2005, we knew that M.D would be our last one together...

It was definitely bittersweet...

I got back to a normal routine right away because I stayed in denial for a LONG time..Looking back I am glad I did...

[croemer]

Oh...how sad..wish I could help. I lost my father about 6 years ago...the pain eases but will always remain. I am especially sorry you lost your Mom just before Mother's Day...extra sad.

[Mominohio]

I,too, am sorry for your loss. I lost my dad when I was 18. I wanted to get back to work and "normal" life, because it gave me less time to think. In my case, I just wanted everyone to act like nothing had happened, and I knew I could make it through the day. But of course, people aren't (and probably shouldn't) going to do that. For me, it was easier to get all the condolences over with, get the crying with others who care for me over with, so I could establish my new normal.

However you need to deal with things, do it on your time frame and in the way that works for you, and don't feel the need to feel or act any specific way. There is no wrong answer for the pace and pattern you follow to move on.

[terrier3]

On 5/12/2014 Luv2Decorate said:

I was young when my dad died. I was in school and working. My boss let me have a few days off. I went to work the day after the funeral. It was terribly hard and I would cry from time to time.

My boss brought me outside and we sat on the curb and he said to me "see all of those people driving up and down the street? They didn't stop living because your dad died, neither should you". I was a little shocked about the conversation, it was a little crass, but it was honest and direct. I went back in and went to work.

That was 30 years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday.

Remember the good things, cherish the love and try to live your life in a way that would make her proud.

My mom died in the morning, on the way from the hospital to hospice. When I left the hospital for the last time, I was shocked that kids were going to school, people were waiting at the bus stop...everyone was going on as if nothing was happening!

I had the same thoughts as your boss did.

We didn't have a funeral, just a cremation (at my mom's request). I went back to work in 2 days.

It's not as if we didn't mourn...I think of her every day. But she was the first one to say "Life goes on" and that is what she expected from those who loved her.

[Mominohio]

On 5/12/2014 Luv2Decorate said:

I was young when my dad died. I was in school and working. My boss let me have a few days off. I went to work the day after the funeral. It was terribly hard and I would cry from time to time.

My boss brought me outside and we sat on the curb and he said to me "see all of those people driving up and down the street? They didn't stop living because your dad died, neither should you". I was a little shocked about the conversation, it was a little crass, but it was honest and direct. I went back in and went to work.

That was 30 years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday.

Remember the good things, cherish the love and try to live your life in a way that would make her proud.

Luv, I lost my father young as well (I was 18) and I'm usually a big "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" kind of person, but I think your boss, although maybe well meaning and making an excellent point, was out of line. Given your age and the short time since your loss, I think he could have handled it a little better than that. I guess it is important that perhaps he cared enough to try to help in maybe the only way he knew how or thought would help.

[glb613]

On 5/12/2014 Luv2Decorate said:

I was young when my dad died. I was in school and working. My boss let me have a few days off. I went to work the day after the funeral. It was terribly hard and I would cry from time to time.

My boss brought me outside and we sat on the curb and he said to me "see all of those people driving up and down the street? They didn't stop living because your dad died, neither should you". I was a little shocked about the conversation, it was a little crass, but it was honest and direct. I went back in and went to work.

That was 30 years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday.

Remember the good things, cherish the love and try to live your life in a way that would make her proud.

If it helped you, it was a good thing.

[Luv2Decorate]

On 5/12/2014 glb613 said:

On 5/12/2014 Luv2Decorate said:

I was young when my dad died. I was in school and working. My boss let me have a few days off. I went to work the day after the funeral. It was terribly hard and I would cry from time to time.

My boss brought me outside and we sat on the curb and he said to me "see all of those people driving up and down the street? They didn't stop living because your dad died, neither should you". I was a little shocked about the conversation, it was a little crass, but it was honest and direct. I went back in and went to work.

That was 30 years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday.

Remember the good things, cherish the love and try to live your life in a way that would make her proud.

If it helped you, it was a good thing.

It was a good thing and it has helped me throughout my life. There are things that we cannot change and we must adapt and learn to live differently. It made me more spiritual, and realize that life indeed continues. In some ways it has made me live for the moment.

[hckynut]

On 5/11/2014 carlycat said: Hi ladies, My mother died a week ago, and it's back to work for me tomorrow, Monday. I'm single with no kids. My brother lives near and we are close. I'm dreading going to work. I just want to stay secluded but obviously can't forever. Any words of support are appreciated. Thank you!

My mother died when I was 30 years old, in 1969. We lived just the 2 of us together for the last 10 years of her life, many of which she was declining with each passing year. Her issues were a genetic heart issue and back in the 1960's there was little to know information as we know it today.

I felt lost when she died as we spent quite a bit of time together during those 10 years. I worked many different night shifts during those years and some were beneficial to our togetherness as I was home for much of the day time when she was awake and I could help her continue to do things that she loved, but felt I needed to watch over her.

My job gave me 3 days paid leave for the death of an "immediate family member", and that is the time I took before I went back to work. For me it was the best thing for me to do as opposed to being in the house that now would be vacant of my mother, but lots of reminders in her clothes/furniture and a myriad of things that would take me back in time.

Took me a long time to get an keep my life in order after she died and that included many years with what I now see as "alcoholism" and also being addicted to gambling of football games. These things were in addition to me playing hockey and running my adult hockey league, and of course spending 8 hours a night/day at my job.

I had 3 older sisters living in the same town at the time so it wasn't like I had nobody to talk with about this. The problem with this was that my sisters were dealing with it also and 2 of them were not handling it well at all, so I limited my time visiting them because it not only didn't help, but at times seem to make things worse for me and for them.

Do the best you can and hopefully you have some close friends among your co-workers as that is certainly a big help after the loss of a family member as close as one's mother.Let those closest to you know how you truly feel and don't try to look like everything is ok, because it is not.

Best wishes go out to you and condolences on the loss of your mother.