Back to work after a family death

carlycat · ‎06-07-2010

Hi ladies, My mother died a week ago, and it's back to work for me tomorrow, Monday. I'm single with no kids. My brother lives near and we are close. I'm dreading going to work. I just want to stay secluded but obviously can't forever. Any words of support are appreciated. Thank you!

gidgetgh · ‎03-09-2010

Sending my condolences to you on the loss of your mom. I lost my mom a little over 3 years ago and it's very hard.

My mom passed away on a Wednesday. I was off Thursday and Friday. We were off the next Monday for a holiday and I took Tuesday off (my office gave 3 days off for family deaths). So I went back on Wednesday. To be honest, for as sad as I was, I was SO happy to get back to work and to a more normal routine.

Nothing was going to lessen the grief I felt- you deal with that as you go, but I found it great therapy for me to return to work and do normal things- keep my mind busy. First day was a little "iffy"- caring co-workers stopping me in the hall, etc., but it was ok and I appreciated their comments. Next day was better.

You'll be ok. You'll grieve at your own pace and sometimes the grief will pop up when you least expect it to (I call it frozen peas moments- you might be in the grocery store or wherever and in the frozen aisle buying like frozen peas. All of a sudden the grief hits you. You don't know why. Your mom didn't care one way or the other for peas, frozen or fresh, but sometimes something unexpected or unrelated will cause the grief to hit you. It's bizarre sometimes, but those "frozen peas" moments will pop up from time to time.) I told a close friend of mine about the frozen peas moments when she lost her dad and she said she has those times also. Things you think will trigger grief and sadness don't and something totally unexpected will.

Anyway, I'm hoping tomorrow goes well for you. I think you'll do better than you think you will.

Why is it, when I have a 50/50 guess at something, I'm always 100% wrong?

JustJazzmom · ‎03-09-2010

Having recently suffered the death and burial of my father after a brief illness, I think its wise to get back to your usual routine. I know my gardening has been a solace and comfort to me this past week. Just take comfort in that you will get through this and of course little things will remind you of your Mom (as for me my Dad).

Your Mom is looking down upon you and your brother. Condolences to you both.

☼The best place to seek God is in a garden. You can dig for him there. GBShaw☼

brii · ‎06-20-2010

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I lost my mother in October and it's very difficult. But the best thing is to get back to a normal routine. It's quite overwhelming though.

It's a time filled with so much emotion, and there are ups and downs.

Abby1967 · ‎03-09-2010

My heart goes out to you. I lost my mom several years ago. The first day back to work was very hard. I felt like all eyes were on me. Some people offered comforting words others didn't say a word to me. We all deal with grief differently. Some people don't know the right words to say so they don't say anything others may say to much. You come to realize the only people who understand about a death of a mom is someone who has lost their own mom. A couple weeks after I was back something very funny happened in the office and I realized I was laughing, I remember turning to my co-worker and simply saying I never thought I'd laugh again. I'll be thinking of , take care of yourself.

BellaPaprika · ‎03-09-2010

It will be a good thing for you. You will have to get up, get dressed and function which can be difficult after a death in the family. You may feel as if you're running on "autopilot" but it will make the day pass and distract you from your sorrow if only for a moment. Also I have found that co-workers can be very supportive at such a time - the kindness of strangers.

pattypeep · ‎06-06-2011

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Getting back into your routine is probably best. Everyone will be giving condolences and hugs, which kind of brings it all back, but just say thank you and get back to your usual tasks. God bless.

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea-Robert A. Heinlein

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

My sympathy to you in the loss of your Mother. I worked in the hospital where my Dad passed, so I received a lot of comfort and support from my hospital family during his illness. Going back to work was made easier by my connection with those friends. Their hugs and kind words helped tremendously. Wishing the best for you carlycat!

sidsmom · ‎11-25-2011

My sister passed on a Tuesday & I was back to work the following Monday. It was enough time by myself...and I was anxious to get back into a routine. It was awkward, at first, to have people come up to offer condolences...I started tearing up, but I got stronger throughout the first day. I know some people (on these boards) are easily offended by what people say.....yeah, some condolences were awkward, but I didn't take offense....they were just doing their best. Acknowledging death is challenging. On my drive home is when I would tear up the most....but that lessened over the years...but the tears never go away. Just arm yourself win a lot of tissues, in case..and excuse yourself to the ladies room for a private cry, if needed. Good luck & (hug).

carlycat · ‎06-07-2010

So sweet, all of you. Thank you. I know you're right, the routine will help. I just have to get back at it. I tend to cry when people are nice, so I will probably tear up. And I have three high profile events next week. I just have to do it. Dreading it is worse than actually doing it! Thank you for your kind words.