Community Chat

[occasionalrain]

It's not just the big things, it's the everyday small things. Example: some of the best posts are those about things going wrong. At Thanksgiving don't we revisit other years and what seemed a disaster at the time but now is an amusing story, one that's become a shared memory to be passed on to our children?

[hckynutjohn]

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@occasionalrain wrote:

The thought is that changing one's attitude will change one's behavior. 

Any thoughts?

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Possible, but in thus era of time? In my opinion, very unlikely. If only it were that simplistic!

hckynut(john)

[cotton4me]

I like to use what is called “reframing” – taking something bad and reframing it to look at the good aspects. I’ll use one example from my job. I got a bad boss who didn’t like me or women in general. I had a male assistant who didn’t like to work hard but relied on his charm to get ahead. My boss loved him. They colluded and conned. I wasn’t included in meetings and was completely ignored. They made decisions about my department without consulting me. They treated me like I didn't exist in the hopes I would quit. It was a very bad situation and I almost did quit, but I was determined to find the good in it. Ah, what good you might ask.

As I thought about the situation I realized my boss was really hard on this guy, dumping his work on him, making him work all kinds of crazy hours (8 am – midnight). They were both using each other. I decided it was a good thing that I was being ignored. I could focus on my job without getting in the mire and I wasn’t working those crazy hours. I clung to those thoughts, telling myself I was actually lucky.

My assistant eventually quit because he couldn’t take it anymore. My boss had to do his own work. I was still going strong, unfazed by the battle taking place around me because I changed my perspective. Instead of feeling sorry for myself and having hurt feelings, which I did for a while, I decided to believe I was lucky.

I came across this quote not long ago.  It reminded me of that time.

"You do build in darkness if you have faith. When the light returns you have made of yourself a fortress which is impregnable to certain kinds of trouble; you may even find yourself needed and sought by others as a beacon in their dark." ~ Olga Rosmanith

[Irshgrl31201]

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@occasionalrain wrote:

I was told this by my parents along with  there being a bad aspect to good things and a good aspect to bad things. 

The thought is that changing one's attitude will change one's behavior. 

Any thoughts?

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Your parents were wise. I can personally attest to times where a negative attitude I might have had only dominoed and created more negativity. Then there were times where I very deliberately decided to keep a very positive attitude and that positivity dominoed as well. While I do fail at times a positive attitude is important in EVERY SINGLE ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE and it most certainly contagious. In my family and in my life I think a positive attitude will get you through most anything. When you have negative attitude, you attract people in your life who are negative, the same for positive. 

Will a positive attitude get you through everything that comes up in your life unscathed? NO, but it will make the ride a lot more enjoyable not for just yourself but those around you. 

[Mominohio]

I have always believed that changing your behavior first, will then change your attitudes. 

Let's take the example of a mother in law, who doesn't like her daughter in law. She has ideas, and attitudes about her son's wife, dislikes certain things about her, and therefore doesn't get along with her, which contributes to strife in the family, and possibly weakens her relationship with her son. 

Changing her attitude is not as easy as changing her behavior. If the mother in law changes her behavior when around her daughter in law, to positive and kind ways of speaking to her, and treating her, including her in things, asking her opinions or suggestions, etc., it will become habit. Once it is a habit, her attitude change will follow. It is quicker to change your behavior than to change your attitude, that is why I believe changing behavior first will net better results.

And to me, attitude is different than feelings. We are all entitled to our feelings and opinions, even the negative ones. What we need to control is our behavior and our attitudes. We can feel something, but to me, attitude is more about expression and what comes out of our mouth and is seen through our actions. Feelings can be kept private and are something personal and close to the heart.

Change the behavior, make it a habit, attitudes will follow. 

[Irshgrl31201]

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@151949 wrote:

I don't really think you can control your attitude about something. You can keep it to yourself and proceed like you don't have that attitude but you are not able to change what you feel about anything.For instance - if I had a patient who came in to ICU from the ER and they were disgusting and filthy I would have a very negative attitude about them but I had to keep that to myself while I admitted them and then scrubbed them up. I had to be nice to them no matter what, but that doesn't mean I did not have thoughts about them, I just had to keep those thoughts to myself.

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You can absolutely control your attitude. Your opinion of someone or some situation has absolutely nothing to do with how you handle it. You had to be nice to them no matter what? God, that sounds terrible that you HAD to be nice to another human being who was most likely suffering from either a physical or mental ailment (or both) causing them to be filthy. People just don't walk around like that unless they have some serious problems. I think it is best that you are retired. Your posts seem to lack the most fundamental pieces of compassion. 

[Irshgrl31201]

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@Mominohio wrote:

I have always believed that changing your behavior first, will then change your attitudes. 

Let's take the example of a mother in law, who doesn't like her daughter in law. She has ideas, and attitudes about her son's wife, dislikes certain things about her, and therefore doesn't get along with her, which contributes to strife in the family, and possibly weakens her relationship with her son. 

Changing her attitude is not as easy as changing her behavior. If the mother in law changes her behavior when around her daughter in law, to positive and kind ways of speaking to her, and treating her, including her in things, asking her opinions or suggestions, etc., it will become habit. Once it is a habit, her attitude change will follow. It is quicker to change your behavior than to change your attitude, that is why I believe changing behavior first will net better results.

And to me, attitude is different than feelings. We are all entitled to our feelings and opinions, even the negative ones. What we need to control is our behavior and our attitudes. We can feel something, but to me, attitude is more about expression and what comes out of our mouth and is seen through our actions. Feelings can be kept private and are something personal and close to the heart.

Change the behavior, make it a habit, attitudes will follow. 

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Indeed. You hit the nail on the head as you so often do. 

[Cakers3]

You cannot change your attitude until you first change your perception/belief/opinion about a person or situation.

From Epecticus to Albert Ellis and beyond - your perception will determine how you react and that is where attitude comes into play.

[esmeraldagooch]

Anyone struggling and successful with addiction knows this is true.

[AliJoi5]

I absolutely agree that attitude is crucial, and that, to a certain extent, you have to choose happiness in this life.  As they say, you cannot necessarily control life's circumstances or the hand you're dealt, but you can control how you respond to it.

This is slightly O/T, but I once read about a study where they found that people who acted "as if" were actually "happier" than those with similar general outlooks who put forth no effort.  Naturally, there's some measure of subjectivity here, and I'm not exactly clear on how they quantified "happiness," but it's still some interesting food for thought.  The study also found that even forcing a smile raised endorphins.  So ladies, I guess the moral of the story is... fake it til ya make it!