Community Chat

[RedTop]

I am very sorry this drama has not been resolved, and continues to build hard feelings. Since your new DIL continues to be extremely rigid in her thinking, this might be the first episode of drama with her, but I feel very sure it will not be the last. Saying a prayer for you and your family jacnit that differences are resolved, in order to give you a peaceful heart for the future.

[ROMARY]

The son, unfortunately, just might be secretly torn the most. Sometimes there is a DIL's Mom jealousy, (perhaps toward her SIL's mom, I don't know) and the son is caught in the middle. Jealously is a very strong emotion, and sometimes it's almost unstoppable, and will ruin peaceful, healthy family dynamics and relationships. Best thing here, IMO, is to halt any jealousy (or whatever is going on bet. the DIL's mom and her DD) now, be cheerful, keep smiling, be nice. I have a feeling that O/P's hubby would agree. Maybe DD, too. All we can do is wish O/P to begin a new life, be around more friends, get out of the house , join a few clubs/organizations, and try to stop thinking about this present situation. p.s. I edited this to make more sense, and now it's even more confusing..............sorry............

[jacnit]

There is not jelousy on either end..we have had a great relationship and I thought nothing less of her than a daughter and I honestly felt nothing less than closeness from her. My husband was saying today that he thinks she/they are under a lot of pressure from her mom and when we didn't respond as they thought we would, they told us they thought we would be the ones jumping up and down w/excitement at the sandwich shop and thought her mom would get mad and storm out..neither of us nor her mom was jumping up and down..we were all kind of stunned, not mad, just stunned and of course like I said the surroundings were very awkward. We got over that in a day and were so excited to be invited to shop for her ring with my son and also to help plan the party..they both said since it wasn't a typical wedding it would be fun to have all the parents involved..my son told me her mom threw a pretty huge fit over the phone w/her when she found out the other side would be helping..why I'm not sure lol, anyway that's what my husband came to the conclusion today. This morning I was just so down but it's not the end of the world and I know I will not feel so sad forever..just giving myself the time to feel sad but yes, after a day or so it's time to dust off

[ROMARY]

Sorry I worded my post wrong.......looks as though the Mom (her's) might possibly have a 'jealous' streak...........That's why I'd keep myself away from any/all party planning. That would solve one problem, for sure. She wants to be in charge of it all, and that's a good thing for you, in the long run. Nothing uncommon for the bride's family to provide the wedding/reception, etc. Everyone else just 'shows up' and enjoys!

[ROMARY]

p.s. Lots of good luck and good health to you and all. Keep coming back to that thought, the most important of all.

[jacnit]

no worries Romary that could be I guess...that's what is also hard about this because I met the woman once and spent a very intense, weird, awkward hour with her lol it's funny because we talked at the table about a party and my son said maybe we could cook..now, that's not a bad thing because it's our passion..we love it...she didn't have much to say about that and kind of shot down a few suggestions we brought up...again, another awkward moment at that time...well, we shall see how this all turns out..i appreciate yours and everyone's input!!!

[Lucky Charm]

I love my sons as much as anyone else here, but I would not consider this situation a mother making her son choose between her and his wife. That's ridiculous.

The son has 'turned' and it's only going to get worse cause obviously that makes his wife happy.

I would step away from them. Let them enjoy their party, their reception, their ring shopping, their happy life together. It seems like she's pulling him around by the nose and he's happy to stumble along.

It would be like being stung if my son did any of this to me such as texting me demanding an apology, make me a part of plans and then pull back on that, repeat to me mean comments said about me by faceless co-workers. Who does that to their mom? I don't think I would enjoy a Mother's day with him. Or any day for that matter.

You seem like a sweet person, jacnit, and I know it's hard to really know someone just from posting, but obviously you are hurt and embarrassed and I totally understand.

You have your dear husband and a nice daughter and there's nothing better than grandchildren. Happy belated Mother's day!

[ROMARY]

D/P

[jacnit]

Lucky Charm, thanks for you kind words. It does seem like he has "turned" a bit..actually it feels like they both "turned"..it's the craziest thing because we went from being their favorite adults to hang around with (their words) to this.

Romary, my son and dil both asked us at the sandwich shop, in front of her mom, to be involved in the party by cooking, my dil interjected to her mom "they are the BEST cooks!" and the mom asked "would you want to do that?", we said Yes! it's not work for us, it's our hobby and passion and we love it!..you could have heard a pin drop lol my son and dil both said it would be fun to have it in their backyard at their new house because it's a beautiful yard..we were talking about a place we have rented tables,tents, awnings from before,etc and her mom said well, what if it rains?..wouldn't bugs be all over the food?, stuff like that..it wasn't intense at all but somewhat awkward with her. Both my son and dil also, well, my son actually called me to ask if I wanted to go with him ring shopping and we also talked for a good hour about party ideas, food,etc..he was going to set up a private Facebook page where we could all get together online and chat and plan,etc...my dil never called me by phone but we did instant message for quite awhile for a couple of days back and forth about what kind of food, we talked about how fun it would be to have my daughter and her family over and she and my son over to roll 10 dozen meatballs or so..laughed about how fun a night of that would be (we all did that for my family reunion we cooked for and had a blast!)..etc,etc,,it was all so happy and fun then the bomb dropped and it came by FB msg completely out of the blue and said "hi, so my parents have basically taken over the party and now will be throwing it exclusively. I need a list from you within the week of anyone you would like invited to the party. It is going to be July at Havenot downtown..not sure of the time, well ok, bye"...when I wrote back and said what happened to us being involved and cooking,etc..I got back a blast of why can't we just be happy for them,etc,etc,etc..again as I keep saying..delivery was very unthoughtful, in my opinion. It's been a good decision to take a break from talking w/my son as I feel much more centered and settled this morning..I think doing as Lucky Charm says is a good way to approach it at this time. I appreciate your thoughts and kind words also!!

[Jingles5]

jacnit, I think you ought to edit your post #90. Too much personal info.

JMO.