Community Chat

[dex]

@JaneMarple 

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@JaneMarple wrote:

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@goldensrbest wrote:

This just goes on and on,thread posted because of another thread.

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Not one thread but several from this month alone, @goldensrbest on several forums. The threads have been mostly personal and asking advice about homes, children and finances. When some of the answers weren't to to the liking of the authors of theses threads, then a few complained about being bullied and bashed.

So my question is "Why start a thread asking advice if you're not able to handle the answers"?

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I think they never anticipate the different viewpoints and didn't really need advice just a sounding board.

[dex]

I am never going to intentionally attack or hurt anyone I come into contact with.If I have ever hurt anyone's feelings here I owe you an apology and I am truly sorry.i like to think I am sensitive to others feelings and will always try my best not to spoil anyone's day.

[Shanus]

@dex. I've found this a good place to ask for a sounding board. I needed help what to do about getting my elderly mother's driver's license taken away. My girlfriends' moms had passed away before that point. I had no one to ask.

The consensus of opinions was to talk to her PCP which I did. He was quite helpful in the decision making....and asking for help was what I needed to find out what others have done.

[SaRina]

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@Shanus wrote:

@QueenDanceALot. So if the forums are not a safe place, we should all expect a possible personal attack? Why would anyone want to post in a place where being shot down is the norm?

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I'm not Kitty, but if I may answer...

There is always the possibility of a personal attack on an anonymous public forum (unless, perhaps, you are a member of a specific forum -- usually relating to a medical condition -- where compassion would likely prevail). That is the nature of forums. Time and time again on this forum, people have said "you (general) need a thick skin", "you can't take things personally here"... and with good reason.

As to your second question... Someone without a thick skin or who is too sensitive should probably stay away from these types of public forums, unless they are able to post in a more benign way, that is, without giving others an opening to criticize.

[dooBdoo]

          I echo those insightful posters who emphasize that it's the way we treat each other, and the way we offer our replies, that makes a major difference.   Certainly, though, we're limited to the written word so we might write clumsily or the reader might not hear our actual intent since we read through our own personal filters.

         I keep these quotes handy as reminders to myself, because the only person I can control is me:

"Few things reveal your intellect and your generosity of spirit — the parallel powers of your heart and mind — better than how you give feedback."  ~Maria Popova

“You don't have to disrespect and insult others simply to hold your own ground.  If you do that, it shows how shaky your own position is.” ~Red Haircrow

“Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.”  ~Sir Isaac Newton

[dooBdoo]

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Whatnow wrote:

I am never going to intentionally attack or hurt anyone I come into contact with.If I have ever hurt anyone's feelings here I owe you an apology and I am truly sorry.i like to think I am sensitive to others feelings and will always try my best not to spoil anyone's day.

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          @dex,  I've always found your posts to be thoughtful and considerate.❤️

[dooBdoo]

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@QueenDanceALot wrote:

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@Mominohio wrote:

I dont' think it is always the opinion that isn't well received, it is the method of delivery. There are either kind ways or more neutral ways to give an opinion that you know may not be well received.

Doesn't have to be sugar coated, but if done with supporting facts or reasons, and still not accepted, a real opinion or honest input was never what was really being sought anyway.

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Do opinions always have to have "supporting facts"?  Sometimes opinions are just feelings about things.

I think sometimes questions and opinions are given in a hostile way, and those are usually responded to in kind.  And sometimes people are just cranky and answer in a combative way because of their own issues, having nothing whatever to do with what was said.

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          I also think some people tend to be combative, or sarcastic, or confrontational themselves, so they assume others are doing so.   And, as you said, we all  have our personal issues....  our "filters," which cause us to interpret what we read in a certain way that might be different from the other person's intended meaning.

[Shanus]

@dooBdoo. I love those reminders you use for yourself. Will make a note of them.

[nun ya]

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@dex wrote:

I just wonder if someone who we would consider fragile recognizes that sbout themselves...maybe not and that is the reason for their feelings of always being attacked.

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Imo, no they don't see that in themselves. Not everyone thinks and processes things the same. 

[dex]

@Shanus I noted those reminders too...thanks dooBdoo!