Community Chat

[Mominohio]

As in most things, I'm not always out looking to be offended or put off by others. I tend to try to take whatever is said, in the spirit in which I think it is being delivered. So it's more about the person/situation/tone/intention, rather than the exact words. Heck, any work can be said lovingly or kindly or in a spirit of fun and any word can be spoken in just the opposite, with hate, or spite, or mockingly. 

For me, it's all about what I perceive the intent or the person's 'ways' to be, more so than a choice of words.

[J Town Girl]

---

@henderson wrote:

I've been called "mama" in the hospital after surgery.  I think these were Filipino women.

---

I had to smile when I read your post because there's a young Filipino girl who works at our local Wendy's drive-thru.  If she's on duty when we stop there she always greets me with " How are you doing, Mama" or "You look so nice today, Mama".  

The first time she called me that I was a little surprised and didn't know what to say.  Then I realized it is a name that they use most likely as a part of their culture.   She is so sweet and friendly that there is no way I would be offended.  

[Vivian]

Hon is unfortunate but OK. Babe, NO. Worse is "Dear," said by a young person with vast dollops of condescension.  Show some da^^ned respect.

[chickenbutt]

I tend to go off of intent.  If it's some smarmy guy you can usually tell that he's just being slimy and condescending.  Short of that, I usually just think they are being nice.

I sometimes use the term 'Dear' as a term of endearment and certainly don't mean anything creepy about it.  I'd hope that if it offended anybody they would tell me so I wouldn't do it again.  To date, I haven't heard that.  I'm just being kind and it kind of comes naturally when a scenario presents itself where I will use the term.

On another board where I've also belonged for many years, one guy once called me sweetie or hon (can't remember which one), but it came across as condescending.   I almost said something but, TBH, I really didn't know for sure if that was it or he was just being nice so I never said anything.  But I don't forget stuff like that so if there's a trend I pay attention and make an assessment if it becomes clear that the person is being icky.

[chrystaltree]

No woman has ever called me babe.  Occasionally a grocery store cashier or a senior citizen waitress will call me Hon.  It doesn't bother me.

[Porcelain]

Doesn't bother me at all. If someone is trying to be genuinely nice or friendly I don't get mad about wording.

The fake "Boss Babe" and "Hey babe!" vernacular used by MLM representatives and beauty companies just strikes me as funny.

[suzyQ3]

We examine this issue on are regular basis around here. :-) And that's fine. In fact, I'm not sure the reason for someone to post that it is not important. My goodness, if we only posted about important issues, everything would be deleted!

So I'll repeat that in general I do NOT like any of these so-called endearments coming from anyone. But who is saying it and how they say it determines how offensive or not so offensive it is to me.

[Pooky1]

I just asked my wife what she thought. She said she wouldn't like it either. And if she gets called man. That she really hates. We had bought a car one time and the dealership screwed up the registration and when we went back in there the sales was telling my wife mam mam. Calm down mam. She said don't fxxxxxx  call me mam.

[Johnnyeager]

As a person, it doesn't bother me at all.

[fancy pantsy]

for the most part it's ok coming from friends.  but if it comes from say a sales person or someone providing a service or trying to get my attention .... NO !!!  

except here's the thing.  i am somewhat of an empath.  (maybe a FULL empath LOL )... and sometimes one of those phrases comes out of a stranger's mouth, and i recieve it as endearing.