Community Chat

[Mz iMac]

My daughter never came/moved back home once she graduated from college.  Even though we are very close, she grew up knowing....

"Two queen bees cannot live under the same household.  One of us is gonna get killed & it ain't gonna be me." 

[gmkb]

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@Carmie wrote:

I have three children, the oldest, a girl lived at home until she got married at age 30.

 The middle child, a son, joined the military soon after HS.  Four years later he came home with a pregnant wife and they lived with us until my son finished his education and found a job.   I was bummed out when they moved with my granddaughter into their own home.

Five years later, the middle child moved back home with wife and two children for about a year while their new home was being built,

My youngest, a son, lived at home until he was 35.  He moved into a huge home with 5 bedrooms and lives there alone.

I am of Italian decent,  it is a mortal sin for kids to move out of their parents home before they are married.  LOL in Italy, there are many single men still living with Mama well into their 40, 50's and beyond,

@Carmie  I am from Polish parents and they too believed it was a mortal sin to move out before you were married.  My Father and Mother both said they lived at home until they married at 30 and 26 They turned their paycheck over to their parents and were given an allowance. Those were totally different times.  

I lived at home until I was married and just paid a small amount of rent. 

My 3 children came back after college until they found good jobs. I was glad to have them and never asked for rent.

Differences in the times.

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[LeighMarie]

My two oldest boys had their own apartments. Then my oldest had some problems and had to move back home for a couple of months. My middle son is moving back in this weekend. He is not happy about it. But we told him it would be best to move home for a couple of months and save some money and get some repairs done on his car.  My youngest (19) is still living with us. They all work fulltime and have their own vehicles.  We told our youngest to just live at home til he is ready to get married. Save your money. They pitch in for food and water bill. We dont mind helping them out. Our one rule is you have to be working. Rent is very high so we understand that sometimes it takes awhile to get established. 

I think it depends on the family and what they can deal with. 

[onlyshopsonline]

No.  My daughter moved out 11 years ago, and got her own apartment, when she graduated from college.  She's now married and has two beautiful children.

But, she and my SIL know that, should something unexpected happen, they will always have a roof over their heads.  Our home is their home.

Neither my husband, nor I, ever had that safety net.  And, we went through some very difficult financial times when we were younger.  It would have been a lot less stressful to know that there would have been a temporary safety net, should we have needed it.

[GSPgirl]

I make it too hard for them to live here.  I have a friend who has her college educated and employed daughter living with her and the excuse she gives me is that it's too expensive for her to live on her own.  I told her that's what roommates are for.  My daughter had to have roommates. I had to have roommates, too.  Yes, times are different now than the 70's, but it's still doable for your child to live away from your house.  I think the problem is that college kids don't want just any job.  I had to take a lesser job when I graduated.  Anything to not live with my parents.  

[Hayfield]

I have two children, my son, now 30, graduated from college and never came home.  He lives in NYC and rent is high and does have a roommate and they get along really well.  My daughter, 26, came home after college and lived at home while she worked full time and went to school at night full time to get her masters, she moved out as soon as she got another full time job.  She really didn't like living at home those 3 years but it was the only way for her to get her masters without having loans.  Rent is very high in the Northern VA area, 20 miles south of Washington, DC and she does have roommates.  Every family is different, some parents really enjoy having their children at home, the economy has really done a number on a lot of people.  I'm thrilled that my two don't live with me, I love them and enjoy them when I see them but I'd rather them be on their own.  To each their own.  I do come from a large Italian family and everyone always wanted to know everyone's business and were in everyone's business.  I was sooooo excited when I got married and moved 250 miles away.  It was too much for me. I love my family from a distance!

[queendiva]

Two sons, 22 and 26. No longer living at home.

I was for blessed that provisions were made for college payment so that each of them has very minimal college loan debt. DS #1 did live at home for two years, as did his fiancee, so they could save for the down payment on the house they bought last year. Both are employed in their chosen fields full time and DS works additional jobs and finishing up his Master's degree next year, paying for it as he goes. No additional debt.

DS #2 graduated from college in May. He is an officer in the Army. He is in officer training now in another state and will move to his assignment overseas before the end of the year.

Today, planning for college must be done with the greatest care. Starting life with crippling student loan debt is just awful for young people and their parents. No one wins but the financial institutions. And they wonder why the economy is so sluggish.

[Chrystaltree2]

I think that 70% is ridiculously high but more 20 and 30 somethings are living at home now, for a variety of reasons.  A lot of it is just the Peter Pan syndrome.  They won't grow up and they spend their incomes on fancy cars and vacations and gadgets and concerts and trendy bars.  Often there is a plus side for the parents too because if they are smart, they charge the "kids" room and board and bank that money.   No, I am ever so thankful that both my girls were strong, independant, self sufficient young women who went out on their own after college.....and never came back to mooch on us.  Daughter #1 actually left the nest when she went to college, she was less than 100 miles away but she had her own little studio apt and a made good money waiting tables at a $$$$ restaurant.  I think she stayed with us for 3 or 4 weeks after college, and then she out the door.   Daughter #2 commuted to college, so whe had her in the house longer but  once she saved enough to go....she went.   And we sold the house and downsized.  In my world that is the way it is supposed to be.  We get them through those college years and then they leave the nest.......and they don't come back.   I have one friend who has a divorced daughter, the daughter has two little ones.  She does have a good paying job but childcare is expensive and the ex sometimes skips payments.   So, my friend pays the daycare tuition for her grandchildren.   It's a lifesaver for her daughter but my friend does it mainly because she wants her daughter and her grandchildren in their own apartment.....not in her house.  If "kids" in who have passed that mid 20 mark are still "barely" making it; they are moochers who obviously never gave a thought to their future and don't really want to.

[queendiva]

@lianne: most of my sons' friends live outside their family homes and have roommates. 

I had no problem with my sons living here while they were full time students and/or getting established in their careers. There was always an end date and goal to move out.

[hockey mom]

My two sons live at home. My oldest is 27 works full time as a graphic designer makes good money. He works 30 minutes from the house. We feel let him live here and save, he's paying off school loans and saving for his own home. My youngest is 22 going to college for his BS. He goes to school full time and works part time. Most of their friends still live home.