Are you a good judge of character? - Page 7

LilacTree · ‎03-25-2012

I have not been carrying a grudge. I never even got that angry in the first place. It was she who told me to go away, not the opposite.

I just don't know whether it's worth it or not, but I did "accept" the friend request.

She just sent me a litany (thousands) of political comments. Although I agree with them, I do not post on such sites as I think they are just repetitious and do no good. Everything that must be said has already been said.

If she actually sends me something personal, I will respond.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986

Trinity11 · ‎11-16-2014

@LilacTree wrote:
@Trinity11
I have not been carrying a grudge. I never even got that angry in the first place. It was she who told me to go away, not the opposite.

I just don't know whether it's worth it or not, but I did "accept" the friend request.

She just sent me a litany (thousands) of political comments. Although I agree with them, I do not post on such sites as I think they are just repetitious and do no good. Everything that must be said has already been said.

If she actually sends me something personal, I will respond.

Is this the friend @LilacTree@you posted about who made an inappropriate comment?

LilacTree · ‎03-25-2012

@Trinity11 wrote:
@LilacTree wrote:
@Trinity11
I have not been carrying a grudge. I never even got that angry in the first place. It was she who told me to go away, not the opposite.

I just don't know whether it's worth it or not, but I did "accept" the friend request.

She just sent me a litany (thousands) of political comments. Although I agree with them, I do not post on such sites as I think they are just repetitious and do no good. Everything that must be said has already been said.

If she actually sends me something personal, I will respond.

Is this the friend @LilacTree@you posted about who made an inappropriate comment?

@Trinity11

Yes, but it goes far deeper than that. That was just the catalyst because I called her on it, and she didn't like that. I had rarely done that in all the decades we were friends, and she couldn't handle it.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

I think I am but I don't think your situation is about misjudging someone's character. You have to know something about a person before you can form and opinion. So, you had a phone comversation with some stranger who called you about property. Ok, he talked nice and you liked what you heard and got carried away. He could have been a mass murderer or the biggest con artist in the country. You had no way of knowing anything about him except that you wanted to like him. You certainly did not know that he was "very nice". Who knows what his angle was. It doesn't even matter, you were taken with him and it's possible that all those calls were to soften you up for the take. We see it all the time with older women. Not many women, of any age, would have spoken to him 7 or 8 times unless they were interested in HIM not in whatever property he claimed to be interested in. It's not like you are realtor. He had some angle that he ultimate decided not to purse. You and the owner of the other house should consider yourselves luck.

AuntG · ‎03-09-2010

Have never been "burned" as they say. I pretty much take people at face value, but I stay clear of people who brag about their talents or accomplishments. After being in the workforce for many years, I found humble people to be much better workers. Anyone who says "I trust no one" is going way too far in my opinion.

Free2be · ‎03-10-2010

@haddon9 wrote:

@Free2be . I sort of know what you mean.

I have a "friend" that I've known for at least 10 years. I'm not close friends with her but she is usually very friendly when I see her which is usually 2-4 xs a month. We have had lots of long conversations and have gone out to lunch together. She's warm, engaging, funny & entertaining.

She told me about a gym class that she goes to and convinced me to sign up. It's a great class. However other than sying hello, she completely ignores me. She's busy with some other friends in the class. Now I don't expect her to have long conversations with me and of course I'm fine with her hanging out with these other women but it's weird and hurtful at how I'm ignored. It would be nice for her to say something to me other than hello and then turning away from me.

I feel like I'm not part of the "cool girls" but this is ridiculous and I'm too old for this. Is it a personality disorder on her part?...or am I making too much out of this? Yet when I see her at other times I really don't feel like having these warm & engaging conversations with her anymore.

So am I a good judge of character? Probably not but it depends on the person & circumstances.

@haddon9 Your presence at the gym being barely acknowledged is strange, just know it isn't about you. That you now don't feel as warm toward interacting with her at other times seems more smart than avoidant. Why should you make yourself open and socially available to someone who limits interactions with you unless you both can enjoy it for what it is. The upside of this intermittent relationship is she isn't asking more of you than you're willing to give, she isn't important in your life, she does not define who you are as a desirable friend, and the best part is you like being at the gym where there are other friendships to be made. It's possible she simply lacks good manners or uses superficial to protect herself from emotional exposure. Hard to know without asking her which may not be worth opening a potential can of worms.

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

@Free2be wrote:
@haddon9 wrote:

@Free2be . I sort of know what you mean.

I have a "friend" that I've known for at least 10 years. I'm not close friends with her but she is usually very friendly when I see her which is usually 2-4 xs a month. We have had lots of long conversations and have gone out to lunch together. She's warm, engaging, funny & entertaining.

She told me about a gym class that she goes to and convinced me to sign up. It's a great class. However other than sying hello, she completely ignores me. She's busy with some other friends in the class. Now I don't expect her to have long conversations with me and of course I'm fine with her hanging out with these other women but it's weird and hurtful at how I'm ignored. It would be nice for her to say something to me other than hello and then turning away from me.

I feel like I'm not part of the "cool girls" but this is ridiculous and I'm too old for this. Is it a personality disorder on her part?...or am I making too much out of this? Yet when I see her at other times I really don't feel like having these warm & engaging conversations with her anymore.

So am I a good judge of character? Probably not but it depends on the person & circumstances.

@haddon9 Your presence at the gym being barely acknowledged is strange, just know it isn't about you. That you now don't feel as warm toward interacting with her at other times seems more smart than avoidant. Why should you make yourself open and socially available to someone who limits interactions with you unless you both can enjoy it for what it is. The upside of this intermittent relationship is she isn't asking more of you than you're willing to give, she isn't important in your life, she does not define who you are as a desirable friend, and the best part is you like being at the gym where there are other friendships to be made. It's possible she simply lacks good manners or uses superficial to protect herself from emotional exposure. Hard to know without asking her which may not be worth opening a potential can of worms.

@Free2be . Thanks for your response. Yes it probably isn't about me and it makes me feel better just hearing you say so...however sometimes when people act oddly towards someone one can't help from wonder what is going on and ....what did I do?!

It's bothered me though I know that I shouldn't let it.

Since I'm not really close friends with her I'm not going to bring it up but there are still instances when I will have to be around her...outside of the gym. I'll be cordial and friendly enough but will keep her at arms length. One learns to be wary of certain people by the way that they treat you....it just seems so odd since she's always so warm & friendly otherwise...oh well live & learn!