Community Chat

[Yahooey]

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@Financialgrl wrote:

In my case, I wouldn't call it a good judge of character as much as my sense of perception.  Due to life experiences I've always been cynical/skeptical about ppl, their stories, etc.  And in my case there are not many things I'm good at but when it comes to figuring out ppl or situations, my first impression is rarely ever wrong.

Recent example - my brother's daughter got engaged 2 years ago and this was the year they were to be married.  From the moment I met him I out and out didn't like him.  I'd hear things I considered "red flags" and told my sister.  Her fiance was verbally abusive and more than once I was waiting for him to hit her.  Everyone else always said this was just "him kidding" or "that's just the relationship they have".  They moved 2 hours away and within 5 months she packed up and left - bc though he never hit her, his verbal abuse got worse and worse.  My sister recently said - "wow, you sure had him pegged".  

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@Financialgrl

Once separated from family bc of distance - he can control everything. Little by little, bit by bit. From who you can associate with or tall to etc. I hope you or your brother keep the lines of communication open and she can always feel free to confine without judgement. She should neve feel alone. 

I have a friend whose DH is very controlling - it gets worse as the years go on. She is waiting for her daughter to graduate and then get out of the marriage. 

[Financialgrl]

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@Yahooey wrote:

@Financialgrl

Once separated from family bc of distance - he can control everything. Little by little, bit by bit. From who you can associate with or tall to etc. I hope you or your brother keep the lines of communication open and she can always feel free to confine without judgement. She should neve feel alone. 

I have a friend whose DH is very controlling - it gets worse as the years go on. She is waiting for her daughter to graduate and then get out of the marriage. 

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@Yahooey  That's not a problem; however, I think this niece's only goal is to be married.  She got married at 17 and that lasted all of about 9 months.  I think she's in love with being in love and sadly, bad decisions and choices are her way of life.  

[Shanus]

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@Imaoldhippie wrote:

I did not used to be because I took everyone at face value and trusted everyone.  Through years and years of being hurt, taken advantage of, lied to, stolen from, left high and dry,etc, etc.  I have finally learned my lesson.  I trust NO ONE and take my time before I decided to like or not, and I do not get close to anyone anymore.  I now have acquaintances and very, very few friends.

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@Imaoldhippie  Sorry you’ve had those experiences.

[Imaoldhippie]

Thank you, a lot of them happened because I made bad decisions and others were not.

[QVCkitty1]

I like to think that I am, but we can all be fooled. A few years ago I was looking for someone to mow my lawn and trim bushes. He was just starting out and showed me his business plan, all typed out, etc. Anyway I had a good feeling about him. Long story short, he did a lousy job and when I wouldn't agree to more services such as pressure washing, he disappeared along with my lawn mower. I found out later he had been fired from a local restaurant for stealing. Trust , but verify.

[Lipstickdiva]

Yes I am.  My friends and family have often commented on my innate sense to judge someone after meeting them.  I don't know what it is but I can talk to someone for a very short period of time and I just sense what type of person they are.

Rarely am I off the mark.

[qualitygal]

Today, I no longer trust people the way I use to.  Too obvious in today's world. That is what is a shame (among other things) in this world today.

[Deanie]

I have read these responses and many of the posters bemoan the fact that they have been snookered. Others have lamented that it is no longer as it used to be. I would challenge those assumptions by saying years of history indicated that it was never as it used to be. We were the ones brainwashed to believe it was different. Years of human history show that one needs good survival skills and that includes using our sixth sense in situations. Unfortunately, for us, we have been led down a garden path so to speak of the wrong direction. The self preservation that was built into our DNA of survival was suppressed from various and sundry sources and we were told all people were good. Not so the case. Hence, this results in our being victims due to the fact we disregard our instincts or disappointed in human nature. It is called cognitive dissonance.

[Cakers3]

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@chiclet wrote:

I can honestly say I am clueless.  I trust no one anymore.  When I occasionally let my guard down and think "What a nice person" I usually am dissappointed.  This man called about my home for sale and we talked.  He was older and very nice.  I told him about a house for sale down the street since mine had just sold.  He called me many times and the people down the street with questions about the area etc. since he lived many hours away.  I enjoyed talking to him and thought he was such a nice man.  He made an appt to see home and then did not show up or cancel appt.  The owner called him and he will not return call.   He must have called me 7 or 8 times and her probably as much wasting our time.  I had no reason to talk to him but just wanted to help him in his relocation process.   I can understand if he decided the neighborhood or area was not for him but no cancellation or thanking us for our time spend on the phone trying to help him.  What is wrong with people....

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@chiclet  Maybe he died.

[Spurt]

@chiclet

I am normally suspcious, but since this guy was older and he called so regularly maybe something happened to him health wise---maybe he had a stroke or a heart attack, or maybe he has mental issues and it's a fantasy about him buying a home and hes also lonely, and maybe a caregiver found out what he was doing and told him to stop calling people because he wasnt buying a house........