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Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,201
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: Are You Responsible for Everyone's Happiness?

[ Edited ]

I used to turn myself inside out to try and make all my family members happy.  Anything I ever did I will say in all honesty I never did because I wanted anything in return.  I did out of love and because I have always felt --- this is what you do for family.  Also, I had this belief that what you gave out, you got back.  Sadly, after so, so many years, it fnally sank in that this is not the case at all.  When I love someone, I love them with all my heart.  Whether it be a famil member or a friend.  I had the mistaken belief that just because I felt this way, they would feel the same way about me.  This has only led to years of disappointment and feelings of being used, etc., when these feelings were not returned.  And also, when I tried to always do things to help people.  Not only that, but I've always tried as much as I can to be supporting and be there in times of need.  

 

It's been a hard realization to know that the majority of the time, it doesn't matter how much I give and give, it's never enough.  Although it goes against my grain, I am trying very hard to focus on my husband and myself at this late stage in life.  

 

The answer to your question is a very big --- NO!  

 

From what I can see and my personal experiences, the majority of the people I have come in contact with --- they really expect others to do things to make them happy instead of finding happiness within themselves.  If this doesn't happen, then it doesn't matter who tries to do what because as I said before, it's never enough.  You make your own happiness.  As simple as that.  

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." - Steve Martin
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,144
Registered: ‎09-14-2010

Re: Are You Responsible for Everyone's Happiness?

No.

-Texas Hill Country-
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,475
Registered: ‎03-14-2015

Re: Are You Responsible for Everyone's Happiness?

[ Edited ]

Do I feel responsible to make those around me are happy?

 

 

Oh, G-d, no!!!!!!

 

 

 

Women put a lot of pressure on themselves, in thinking that if they don't make everyone happy, then "feelings will be hurt".

 

 

What a bunch of bull carp!

 

 

If women would just stop worrying about what others "might" think, then they would be

a lot better off. (imho)

 

 

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,788
Registered: ‎06-10-2010

Re: Are You Responsible for Everyone's Happiness?

No, it's not my responsibility to make others happy.  You really can't "make" another person happy.  You can  be a kind person and treat others as you like to be treated, but, in the end, happiness is up to them.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,341
Registered: ‎04-19-2010

Re: Are You Responsible for Everyone's Happiness?

My experience is so different.  In my family, I never see the women being the glue.  Don't get me wrong, we are all happy and healthy and fully functioning, but I have never seen it being caused by a single lady being in charge of everyone else's experiences. (With the exception of a mom with llittle kids, of course -- that is different.)


-- pro-aging --


Rochester, New York
Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,284
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Are You Responsible for Everyone's Happiness?

No, it isn't my responsibility to make others happy.  

 

If they are unhappy, it's up to them to remedy the situation.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,628
Registered: ‎01-06-2015

Re: Are You Responsible for Everyone's Happiness?

So many women suffer from the disease to please, no doubt about that. How many men do you see who suffer from that? I'm sure there are some, but not as many. 

 

Women need to be responsible for their own happiness and let others do the same. Feeling that you are responsible for the happiness of others is a sure road to all kinds of problems and unhappiness. It's not healthy for the others either.

"You call him The Edge, I just call him The"
Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,305
Registered: ‎06-08-2016

Re: Are You Responsible for Everyone's Happiness?

I didn't raise my kids to be whiners, when they were young I didn't try to smooth everything out for everyone, I let them make their own way as well as accept their own consequences.   They are very well adjusted and mature adults now.   The only time I would intervene would be when they were unjustly accused of misbehavior.  As their mom, I was and will always be their advocate.   I'm not a peacemaker just to have peace.  But I will attempt to right a wrong.   Life is about ups & downs.  It's best to learn to handle both at an early age.

 

I know other parents who made sure their kids had all the advantages, right or wrong.  I just thought it was better for my kids to make their own way.

 

@Sooner

Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,917
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Are You Responsible for Everyone's Happiness?

@Sooner I used to try to keep everyone happy and shielded from bad feelings but like you I have retired.My son is a grownup,my friends,family everyone I am associated with daily is old enough to accept or at least manage their own life's  strifes.I think it is freeing to accept that there will be unhappiness.It will be ok if I am just there to listen and not repair.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,812
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Are You Responsible for Everyone's Happiness?

Then who makes us happy?  

Go VOLS
Rocky Top you'll always be home sweet home to me.. Good ole Rocky Top, Rocky Top Tennessee... Rocky Top Tennessee