Anyone Retire in 2013? - Page 3

tansy · ‎01-02-2011

Sfnative -- If your husband will admit he's at least a problem drinker, there are some meds now that he could try which deal with the cravings. I wish you well. You have a lot to deal with

Burnsite · ‎03-10-2010

No advice, sf, just a hug and a hope that

your daughter will alleviate the heavy child care burden, which is very thoughtless of her and that

maybe you can attend the AA meetings for family members and get some support and ideas that way?

You have to make a change. Caregiving is very stressful and I think it's likely your daughter is taking advantage of you -- unless this is an emergency with an end date. If she rewrote this as an endless assignment, you have to object and go back to the original agreed upon.

Margo Channing · ‎03-09-2010

I'm so sorry retirement isn't what you hoped it would be. If I were in your position I would have a serious heart-to heart with my daughter. You don't enjoy good health and minding baby is a lot of sheer hard work. I hope you can figure out a schedule that works for the both of you.

cater · ‎03-10-2010

No advice here to give to you except a big hug and to tell you my heart and thoughts are with you. The thing I would do is to let my daughter know right now that taking care of this new baby is not going to be able to happen for 4 days a week. Not if you have to put up with your husband drinking and yapping at you all day long. It is too much stress for you to have to go through even when the baby is sleeping you still have the husband to contend with. I myself can not stand a drunk who never shuts up have had it in our family (not my husband ) but a family member who has now passed away, but having to listen to them telling you they don't have a drinking problem when they are falling over is just too much for anyone to have to live with. You see what is in front of you and what you are facing I would have to tell my daughter that as much as I want to help her that her father's drinking is out of control and you are having problems trying to except that this is not the retirement you were looking forward to. .As I said my thoughts and prayers are with you that your husband will realize how serious his problem is and do something about it. I am not being prissy with you I my self enjoy a mixed drink of what ever but my feelings are whether a person is a happy drinker or a person who gets mean when they drink, over drinking your a drunk either way, and everyone suffers especially the person who is married to them .

raven-blackbird · ‎06-03-2010

geeze..........the only thing I can say to you is.........I'm so sorry this didn't turn out as you had hoped..........................................raven

We're not in Kansas anymore ToTo

sfnative · ‎03-10-2010

On 2/17/2014 abbeythe8th said:
On 2/17/2014 sfnative said:
On 2/16/2014 tansy said: Do you mean you are babysitting your grandchild four days a week?

tansy,

Yes, we're babysitting four days a week. As previously stated, DD started asking about 2, then increased to 3, then 2 weeks before we moved she called to "confirm" that we were babysitting 4 days a week. After discussing this with my husband, we agreed to move ahead with it. I wasn't too thrilled, as I knew there were "things" I wanted to get done or do that would not now be possible.

Forgive me for saying this, but your daughter is terribly selfish. She knows you have lower back problems and need to have knee surgery, yet she expects you to take care of an infant 4 days a week.

Sad to say, it sounds like your husband will not go for help unless someone steps in. He is an accident waiting to happen. Surely your daughter does not trust him with the baby.

I agree, he is an accident waiting to happen. Last week during our bad snow storm, he went out to take a walk. A walk on ice, snow, ice, snow and a top 1/2" layer of ice. He was gone three hours at which point my phone rings and he says he's on his way home. He was slurring his words so bad it was ridiculous, so I told him he was drunk and should take it slow. "I'm not drunk," was the reply. I'm am repeatedly surprised that he can get around drunk like that.

My daughter is aware of this issue. When we arrived here in July, I told my husband that he could not drink on days we have our granddaughter and that if I detected alcohol, that would be it. So far he's been compliant in that regard. However, our daughter continues to trust him with the baby.

sfnative · ‎03-10-2010

On 2/17/2014 gidgetgoeshawaiian said:
Forgive me for asking this, but you've kind of put all this information out there, so here goes.

Does your husband drink in your home, during the day, while you're taking care of your grandchild?

I kind of agree with glb613 on this one. You didn't retire. You just changed jobs and you're going to have to work at changing the situation you're in.

I really am so sorry for your situation, but I think you need to make some changes here. If it were me... if I were in your situation, I'd talk to my daughter and tell her she has to find other arrangements for child care. Unless there are some financial issues with her and her husband, she needs to have someone else provide her child care. People will disagree with me on that and that's ok, but you're in a real predicament here. You're not physically 100% and your husband is excessively drinking. I think taking care of a child is too much. Changing that would then give you time to get out and do some things, take a class, volunteer work, whatever you physically are able and are emotionally interested in doing. Give you a break and give you some stimulation.

With your back and knee issues, how are you going to care for a baby 4 days a week?

Again, I'm really sorry for your situation. You've had massive changes. You need to take the bull by the horns here and make some positive changes.

Thank you so much for being up front. I do appreciate it.

No, my husband does not drink during "baby" days, as I had put my foot down to that. He drinks at home on off days and in the evening, but doesn't let me see it and for the first time, he goes to bars quite frequently here in our newly adopted city. I don't think I've ever seen so many bars in my life.

I'm going to give your advice and that of all others some very, very serious thought, as I agree that my daughter is rather taking advantage of me/us. I've been thinking along these lines all along, but thought that I was perhaps out in left field. Now I know I'm not and for that I'm very grateful.

sfnative · ‎03-10-2010

On 2/17/2014 cater said:
No advice here to give to you except a big hug and to tell you my heart and thoughts are with you. The thing I would do is to let my daughter know right now that taking care of this new baby is not going to be able to happen for 4 days a week. Not if you have to put up with your husband drinking and yapping at you all day long. It is too much stress for you to have to go through even when the baby is sleeping you still have the husband to contend with. I myself can not stand a drunk who never shuts up have had it in our family (not my husband ) but a family member who has now passed away, but having to listen to them telling you they don't have a drinking problem when they are falling over is just too much for anyone to have to live with. You see what is in front of you and what you are facing I would have to tell my daughter that as much as I want to help her that her father's drinking is out of control and you are having problems trying to except that this is not the retirement you were looking forward to. .As I said my thoughts and prayers are with you that your husband will realize how serious his problem is and do something about it. I am not being prissy with you I my self enjoy a mixed drink of what ever but my feelings are whether a person is a happy drinker or a person who gets mean when they drink, over drinking your a drunk either way, and everyone suffers especially the person who is married to them .

This is all bringing tears to my eyes. I need to close up now and give all of these responses thought.

Thank you, everyone.