Re: Anybody prepay funeral & burial or cremation e... - Page 5

KatieB · ‎03-10-2010

@Goldengate8361 wrote:
I'm thinking about it. I want to be cremated with my cremains buried in a "memory garden" plot. I don't have a spouse or children and no relatives nearby, so I'm thinking that I might should take care of everything I possibly can ahead of time. I'm only 61, but you never know, right? Have any of you prepaid your plans for cremation or burial?

@Goldengate8361 I'm going to do this this year. I don't have any living relatives, so I have to take care of it while I'm able to do so.

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

@shoesnbags That's a good observation. I know Catholics could not be creamated and have a funeral mass with their cremains present.

I remember when it was first allowed. It's been a few years now.

The deceased was very active in her church and community. Her priest knew her very well. He had many stories about the good things she did for the parish. Everyone knew her.

The obit in the paper said burial would be private. No one mentioned what would happen to the ashes after the mass. My BIL ( DH's brother) was the funeral director. He is first cousin of the deceased's father-in-law.

My husband asked why the ashes were in a velvet bag with a gold tie insted of an urn and his brother said there was a scatter box in the velvet bag. He whispered where she would be scattered.

It is possible the priest doesn't know, but since he is good friends with the family, he would have to suspect, I would think.

.

FiddleDeeDee · ‎03-06-2020

This has been a very interesting read.

We have not but need to. My inlaws have.

My mother did not and she did this on purpose (my dad died 15 plus years ago)

I don't know if this is the law in every state but in MD, the FIRST person to be paid from an estate (and it must be shown during probate that they have or will be paid immediately from any asset or a person) is the Funeral Home. If there are no funds, you don't receive the body for burial and your debt adds up. At a certain point, the remains are deposited in a designated "Paupers Grave" in the county of the deceased. My mother was very specific in what she wanted but left NO MONEY to pay for it. All of her insurance policies went to a "friend" and all her bank accounts were POD to this same "friend". Therefore, her only asset (which was left to her grandchildren) was her house and it had to be sold. It sold quickly for less than half of the market value due to the repairs that were needed on the house and because time was of the essence. With that, back taxes and CC debt, her grandchildren received ZERO while the lawyer (her friend) walked away with over a million dollars in addition to legal fees.

I write this because until my mothers' death, I had no idea how any of this worked. It was an eye-opener and I've shared it (and many, many more details) with others to understand that lawyers can be predatory as well as family members. That in death, expenses add up quickly and there are laws on the books to make sure some are paid and others simply lose out. Educate yourself before EVER signing a piece of paper. Please...educate yourself.

"Coming to ya from Florida"

KailaS · ‎03-09-2010

Prepaid everything, including headstone, five years ago this week after my dad died. I am single with no children.I wanted to make sure I took care of everything.

Silkeej · ‎04-01-2010

We took care of it years ago and now there will not be a burden on our kids. Our wishes are known, it’s paid for and it will be one less stressful thing for our kids to do.

naturalfan · ‎03-09-2010

I have purchased a burial plot - was going to prepay for funeral as the funeral director was a long-time family friend and he conducted funerals for generations of my family. He got sick and his children were not interested in carrying on the business so he closed it down. (He subsequently passed away). He actually had been the 4th generation in the family funeral business. I would have been comfortable working with him but have not decided where to go now. Not the most pleasant of thoughts, is it?

patbz · ‎03-10-2010

Since OP mentioned Legal Zoom I'm going to mention that DH and I have a will, trust etc for over 20 years and it was updated 12 years ago when we moved from CA to AZ but some important factors have changed and we feel its time to update again and are considering Will & Trust who will redo it for around $250. Has anybody used this and what do you think? Our previous paperwork was done by lawyers but our estate is less complicated . Additionally, our younger son is unmarried and has two children (10 & 12) and he needs some legal documents and his funds are somewhat limited, so he is also considering this option.

Zoe · ‎06-10-2015

Real-life experience here & advice: may want to give that some additional thought.

Seems like a good idea -- until you relocate for one reason or another whether illness or preference. And then, when you pass, your pre-paid space or funeral home is hundreds or thousands of miles away. Had it happen to us when a family member died recently. Pre-paid arrangements 8 states away. Since that incident, we have all agreed just to set money aside in a dedicated savings account and make our wishes known to one another without being geographically specific.

My parents (who are still living though elderly and frail) own plots in a state half a country away from where they now live. They decided in their older years that they no longer wanted to be in that climate, haven't lived there in over 20 years. Yet it will be my task (and expense) to return them there when they pass. No idea how I will tackle that when it is time.

Prepaying seems like a good idea, until it isn't. Just my real life experience. Your mileage may vary. If you're 100% certain that you won't ever leave or move, perhaps it's a good idea. I've just had it work against me in real life -- twice.

tiny 2 · ‎03-10-2010

@Zoe wrote:
Real-life experience here & advice: may want to give that some additional thought.

Seems like a good idea -- until you relocate for one reason or another whether illness or preference. And then, when you pass, your pre-paid space or funeral home is hundreds or thousands of miles away. Had it happen to us when a family member died recently. Pre-paid arrangements 8 states away. Since that incident, we have all agreed just to set money aside in a dedicated savings account and make our wishes known to one another without being geographically specific.

My parents (who are still living though elderly and frail) own plots in a state half a country away from where they now live. They decided in their older years that they no longer wanted to be in that climate, haven't lived there in over 20 years. Yet it will be my task (and expense) to return them there when they pass. No idea how I will tackle that when it is time.

Prepaying seems like a good idea, until it isn't. Just my real life experience. Your mileage may vary. If you're 100% certain that you won't ever leave or move, perhaps it's a good idea. I've just had it work against me in real life -- twice.

@Zoe

When I did mine there was an option to buy insurance that would cover transport. It was only around $200 more. Transport can be very expensive(thousands). You might check with the company that did your parents prepay and see if it was included or ask if you could add it.

Zoe · ‎06-10-2015

@tiny 2 Thank you for the suggestion.

I know it wasn't arranged for nor an option in the two other situations we recently went through. Both people who had passed had, with the best of intentions, prepaid all of their arrangements where they formerly lived. Their "home towns"...they thought they'd never ever leave those areas. But both ended up having to relocate to other areas due to health issues to be closer to family who could care for them.

Thank you for the kind tip. Perhaps we still have time to affect change for my parents' arrangements.