Community Chat

[Mominohio]

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@momtochloe wrote:

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@Mominohio wrote:

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@reiki604 wrote:

Congrats on being a kind and caring person. Ignore all those negative Nellies who are trying to diminish the kindness and respect you offered this elder. The woman was clearly old enough to drink and lucid enough to realize that without ID she couldn't buy what she wanted. People need to stop judging other peoples actions. Let he/she who is without sin cast the first stone.........casting of those stones is no problem here since we are innundated with perfect people who know better then everyone else and insist that their's is the only way.

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And your post is not doing that how...?

What is so negative about speaking out about the fact that buying someone you don't know alcohol could be a dangerous thing? 

If the OP was truly looking to do something kind, maybe, just maybe, this wasn't it. When you don't know this person, you have no idea of what their circumstances are, and many should not have alcohol. OP MAY have done more harm than good, and will never know it. 

Sorry if this offends some here, but when SOME people become elderly, it is like dealing with a minor child. You might be better off staying out of certain things, because you have no idea what their family wants/needs, or what is good for that person. Everyone here is just assuming that this woman was capable of making the decision to buy alcohol. Perhaps she was riding the bus from the facility and was in one because she now needs some level of monitoring. 

It really isn't the place for a stranger to buy something like this for a person in her position.

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@Mominohio I totally get where you are going and I don't mean to sound argumentative but if a family is that concerned about the alcohol consumption of a relative then for me I believe they need to take a more hands on approach to her care and not leave it to folks that are paid a very low wage for the incredible hands on care they provide to ensure she has proper care for her daily needs.

Again, I get it but in this instance if this woman had a problem with alcohol I would not think sherry would be her first choice nor would I think she would meekly submit to the cashier and make her way back to the shelves to return her said bottle of sherry.

Please know I have lived this but in the form of sugar.  My mom was a diabetic and when I wasn't around she would ask my sisters to bring her all sorts of inappropriate things that I would have to deal with when the repercussions of her indulgences would cause problems.  I cannot count the amount of conversations I had with them about how bad this was in terms of my mom's health but again they didn't have to deal with the fallout.  It can be tough to take care of older folks.

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@momtochloe

I totally agree with you about family involvement described in your first paragraph! However, I used to work with quite a few low income elderly women, many of whom should have been retired, but couldn't afford to be. They had no family and no support system.Unfortunately there are so many elders out there with no one who cares enough to stay involved.

I'll admit we are only speculating about this woman and her station in life. I agree that sherry wouldn't be most alcoholics drug of choice, and most likely she has no problem at all that would prevent her from drinking or using it. I just know that if I were to think it through (like we have been given the opportunity to do with this thread, so thanks OP for that) I would not get involved. 

Just like your experiences with your mom, many people give no regard (or have no clue) to people's true needs. They just think they are helping someone out or doing something to make life easier for someone, when they actually could be causing harm. 

[momtochloe]

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@Mominohio wrote:

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@momtochloe wrote:

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@Mominohio wrote:

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@reiki604 wrote:

Congrats on being a kind and caring person. Ignore all those negative Nellies who are trying to diminish the kindness and respect you offered this elder. The woman was clearly old enough to drink and lucid enough to realize that without ID she couldn't buy what she wanted. People need to stop judging other peoples actions. Let he/she who is without sin cast the first stone.........casting of those stones is no problem here since we are innundated with perfect people who know better then everyone else and insist that their's is the only way.

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And your post is not doing that how...?

What is so negative about speaking out about the fact that buying someone you don't know alcohol could be a dangerous thing? 

If the OP was truly looking to do something kind, maybe, just maybe, this wasn't it. When you don't know this person, you have no idea of what their circumstances are, and many should not have alcohol. OP MAY have done more harm than good, and will never know it. 

Sorry if this offends some here, but when SOME people become elderly, it is like dealing with a minor child. You might be better off staying out of certain things, because you have no idea what their family wants/needs, or what is good for that person. Everyone here is just assuming that this woman was capable of making the decision to buy alcohol. Perhaps she was riding the bus from the facility and was in one because she now needs some level of monitoring. 

It really isn't the place for a stranger to buy something like this for a person in her position.

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@Mominohio I totally get where you are going and I don't mean to sound argumentative but if a family is that concerned about the alcohol consumption of a relative then for me I believe they need to take a more hands on approach to her care and not leave it to folks that are paid a very low wage for the incredible hands on care they provide to ensure she has proper care for her daily needs.

Again, I get it but in this instance if this woman had a problem with alcohol I would not think sherry would be her first choice nor would I think she would meekly submit to the cashier and make her way back to the shelves to return her said bottle of sherry.

Please know I have lived this but in the form of sugar.  My mom was a diabetic and when I wasn't around she would ask my sisters to bring her all sorts of inappropriate things that I would have to deal with when the repercussions of her indulgences would cause problems.  I cannot count the amount of conversations I had with them about how bad this was in terms of my mom's health but again they didn't have to deal with the fallout.  It can be tough to take care of older folks.

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@momtochloe

I totally agree with you about family involvement described in your first paragraph! However, I used to work with quite a few low income elderly women, many of whom should have been retired, but couldn't afford to be. They had no family and no support system.Unfortunately there are so many elders out there with no one who cares enough to stay involved.

I'll admit we are only speculating about this woman and her station in life. I agree that sherry wouldn't be most alcoholics drug of choice, and most likely she has no problem at all that would prevent her from drinking or using it. I just know that if I were to think it through (like we have been given the opportunity to do with this thread, so thanks OP for that) I would not get involved. 

Just like your experiences with your mom, many people give no regard (or have no clue) to people's true needs. They just think they are helping someone out or doing something to make life easier for someone, when they actually could be causing harm. 

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@Mominohio it just isn't easy anymore is it my friend . . . . 

[PurpleBunny]

I don't know why you would think anyone would find fault with this. 

[Mominohio]

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@momtochloe wrote:

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@Mominohio wrote:

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@momtochloe wrote:

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@Mominohio wrote:

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@reiki604 wrote:

Congrats on being a kind and caring person. Ignore all those negative Nellies who are trying to diminish the kindness and respect you offered this elder. The woman was clearly old enough to drink and lucid enough to realize that without ID she couldn't buy what she wanted. People need to stop judging other peoples actions. Let he/she who is without sin cast the first stone.........casting of those stones is no problem here since we are innundated with perfect people who know better then everyone else and insist that their's is the only way.

---

And your post is not doing that how...?

What is so negative about speaking out about the fact that buying someone you don't know alcohol could be a dangerous thing? 

If the OP was truly looking to do something kind, maybe, just maybe, this wasn't it. When you don't know this person, you have no idea of what their circumstances are, and many should not have alcohol. OP MAY have done more harm than good, and will never know it. 

Sorry if this offends some here, but when SOME people become elderly, it is like dealing with a minor child. You might be better off staying out of certain things, because you have no idea what their family wants/needs, or what is good for that person. Everyone here is just assuming that this woman was capable of making the decision to buy alcohol. Perhaps she was riding the bus from the facility and was in one because she now needs some level of monitoring. 

It really isn't the place for a stranger to buy something like this for a person in her position.

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@Mominohio I totally get where you are going and I don't mean to sound argumentative but if a family is that concerned about the alcohol consumption of a relative then for me I believe they need to take a more hands on approach to her care and not leave it to folks that are paid a very low wage for the incredible hands on care they provide to ensure she has proper care for her daily needs.

Again, I get it but in this instance if this woman had a problem with alcohol I would not think sherry would be her first choice nor would I think she would meekly submit to the cashier and make her way back to the shelves to return her said bottle of sherry.

Please know I have lived this but in the form of sugar.  My mom was a diabetic and when I wasn't around she would ask my sisters to bring her all sorts of inappropriate things that I would have to deal with when the repercussions of her indulgences would cause problems.  I cannot count the amount of conversations I had with them about how bad this was in terms of my mom's health but again they didn't have to deal with the fallout.  It can be tough to take care of older folks.

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@momtochloe

I totally agree with you about family involvement described in your first paragraph! However, I used to work with quite a few low income elderly women, many of whom should have been retired, but couldn't afford to be. They had no family and no support system.Unfortunately there are so many elders out there with no one who cares enough to stay involved.

I'll admit we are only speculating about this woman and her station in life. I agree that sherry wouldn't be most alcoholics drug of choice, and most likely she has no problem at all that would prevent her from drinking or using it. I just know that if I were to think it through (like we have been given the opportunity to do with this thread, so thanks OP for that) I would not get involved. 

Just like your experiences with your mom, many people give no regard (or have no clue) to people's true needs. They just think they are helping someone out or doing something to make life easier for someone, when they actually could be causing harm. 

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@Mominohio it just isn't easy anymore is it my friend . . . . 

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@momtochloe

It did seem easier in so many ways, back in the younger days, didn't it?

And I get why the OP did what she did. I don't chastise her at all, but simply use it as a learning tool. How many times do we do something, then later ask ourselves, "was that a good idea?"!

I remember back when my mom was called upon in her early 50's to take an elderly neighbor to get her drivers license renewed. My mom only knew her on limited terms, and was happy to give her a ride. Afterward other neighbors who new the neighbor lady well really lit into my mom because she did it. She had no idea that this woman was driving erratically, couldn't see well anymore, and all the other neighbors had turned her down for the ride, having seen her drive. 

I totally get how someone is caught off guard, tries to come to the assistance of someone and do a nice thing. Doing so uninformed, can backfire!

[JaneMarple]

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@reiki604 wrote:

Congrats on being a kind and caring person. Ignore all those negative Nellies who are trying to diminish the kindness and respect you offered this elder. The woman was clearly old enough to drink and lucid enough to realize that without ID she couldn't buy what she wanted. People need to stop judging other peoples actions. Let he/she who is without sin cast the first stone.........casting of those stones is no problem here since we are innundated with perfect people who know better then everyone else and insist that their's is the only way.

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YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

[granny me]

Kudos to you.

[granny me]

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@JaneMarple wrote:

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@reiki604 wrote:

Congrats on being a kind and caring person. Ignore all those negative Nellies who are trying to diminish the kindness and respect you offered this elder. The woman was clearly old enough to drink and lucid enough to realize that without ID she couldn't buy what she wanted. People need to stop judging other peoples actions. Let he/she who is without sin cast the first stone.........casting of those stones is no problem here since we are innundated with perfect people who know better then everyone else and insist that their's is the only way.

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YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

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I said if I reach the age 80, I am going back to smoking, eating what I want and drinking  what I want. At that point I think I deserve to eat,drink and be merry, and smoke one every night after dinner with my coffee.  So what, I am going to die anyway might as well enjoy the time I have left. Some people have the idea if they follow all the rules they will live forever, not going to happen.

[Daisy Sunflower]

Not sure why anyone would criticize those who would choose to err on the side of caution.

[JustJazzmom]

That was very nice of you @ciao_bella to go the extra mile for that lady.

Common sense is not too common anymore today.

[JaneMarple]

@ciao_bella You did a wonderful thing for that lady. I'm not going to speculate why she didn't have her ID or even believe that she was a secret alcoholic. You saved her the humiliation of having to put the sherry back on the shelf because she didn't have her ID with her. 

I believe that if there had been anything wrong with her having the sherry then someone in her group would have spoken up because there always seems to be busy bodies lurking behind the corners.