Community Chat

[Tinkerbell3]

Yes, but finding her a great therapist would help more in the long run!

[jannabelle1]

Accept the bags of clothes and donate them. I think your sister is relying on you to do that for her. I would not tell her what you're doing, and I wouldn't try on the clothes and let her see you wearing some of them. It sounds like her intention is to just get rid of what she has and she needs your help to do it. Encourage her to continue, but don't make it more difficult for her by giving her more to think about.

[Mindy D]

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@occasionalrain wrote:

The objective is to clear out her hoard. Take care not to say anything that may scuttle the process.

Don't bring up donating rather than giving them to you, instead allow her to see you wearing something she's given you. It will both please and encourage her to continue.

Be careful not to donate to any place she may go and see the clothing you have discarded.

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@occasionalrain @For the first sentence, I agree, but in sentence two, allowing her to see an outfit again might trigger her desire to have the item again. Truly, in this case, out of sight, out of mind.

[gertrudecloset]

@northiie57I think you are doing a fine job.  Continue to encourage her to get rid of the things she doesn't need.

I must ask, however can she afford all of the clothing items she's giving to you ~ that you, in turn are giving away to charity?  I ask because if her spending will affect her shelter, sustinence, and the things she truly need in her life then you would not be enough!  She could just turn around and buy more stuff.  I think some kind of way she has to stop purchasing and then purge.  Continuing to purchase then feeling guilty because she did and so she gifts to you is not good. 

If none of this is the case, then keep encouraging her.  I do think you need to seek professional help at some point, however.

[Mindy D]

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@jannabelle1 wrote:

Accept the bags of clothes and donate them. I think your sister is relying on you to do that for her. I would not tell her what you're doing, and I wouldn't try on the clothes and let her see you wearing some of them. It sounds like her intention is to just get rid of what she has and she needs your help to do it. Encourage her to continue, but don't make it more difficult for her by giving her more to think about.

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@jannabelle1 Exactly!

[gertrudecloset]

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@nana59 wrote:

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@northiie57 wrote:

Thank you!  I just could not figure out the right way to say it to her.  I think she would be fine with the donations.

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tell her you're donating to a women's shelter....which is a great idea....maybe she'll feel better about that....

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I agree with @nana59 the honesty is critical.  Don't hide the fact that you donate when you do.  Heck perhaps maybe on one or two occassions she might give you something you want!  Just be honest, though.  You want her to trust you!

[gertrudecloset]

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@must shop wrote:

Hoarding is a mental health disorder and needs to be trated bya proffesional. You need to get your sister into therapy.

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I think it's more of a personality disorder.  However, it has co-morbidities with many types of anxiety disorders.  Professional treatment is warranted.

"Hoarding Disorder"

[Lucky Charm]

I think that all you're doing is unloading things that she may turn around and *fulfill* again.  Is she still purchasing unneccessary items?

If you're donating, she could probably use the tax break, unless she has enough wealth to sustain her spending habits.

Hoarding, it seems, needs to be addressed professionally for a successful outcome.

Or you will continue a cycle that doesn't help her in the long run.

Have you ever had the conversation that she has a problem?  

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[gertrudecloset]

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@Roscoe the Rascal wrote:

If she asks be honest.  I think down deep she knows and finds it easier to give to you and let you handle.  Whatever works and not an easy task for either one of you.

I think being honest is better because you want her to trust you. She gave them to you so your choice to do what you want with them.  If she asks why you did that simply because others can use them more and that is a good thing.

I do not like to be lied to or mislead.

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this!!!!

[hyacinth003]

I understand your dilemma.

I always figure that once a person gives something away, the person on the receiving end can do whatever they want with it.  They have relinquished possession of it, and it becomes the property of the recipient.

UNLESS there is a real agreement as to what the recipient must do with it.  Like if you give your child money to pay school fees and they go and spend it drinking in a bar.  That is outside the agreement.  But if you just give them, say, $50, they can spend it however they want.

I had to stop watching that show "Hoarders," because it made me so angry!

Hyacinth