Am I being too sensitive? - Page 7

mintedrose · ‎03-04-2017

If shes known u for a long time then yes, its thoughtless and a little insensitive. Stuff like this u cant really talk to the other person about because then they might think you're jealous or not happy for them therefore, its complicated. Although, u can say that she gets happiness from sharing her joy with you. However, if she was a REAL genuine friend, she would lift you up instinctively knowing what makes u feel sad without judgement.

You know eventhough some may disagree but i believe being senstive is actually a good thing in this day and age. And im glad you are listening to your feelings and not blowing them off. Im starting to see that more and more people are becoming increasingly INsenstive to some very sensitive issues in our lives and in our world. Some people sometimes seem like they dont even have feelings and are appalled that you do. I say Always trust your gut.

~No act of kindness, no matter how small is ever wasted~ Aesop

Karie2022 · ‎03-26-2010

No, your not being too sensitive, your feelings are your own...nothing wrong with that, some of us tend to be more sensitive than others, just our biology, some are thicker skinned. Maybe avoid her right after the holidays for a short time, let things die down a bit, once a few weeks go by, the memory of the holiday has kind of passed. On the other hand, sometimes people are just excited to share their experience, and really don’t mean anything by it, in that case, be a good listener, be happy for her and then move on and talk about other things😀

Take time every day to enjoy where you are without a need to fix it

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Eileen in Virginia wrote:
I haven’t read most of the previous replies to your post, so forgive me if I repeat one. The next time she regales you with stories about her wonderful family celebrations, say something like, “You’re so fortunate to have such a large and loving family!” Maybe that will make her realize that she’s rubbing salt in your wound and make her more sensitive to your situation.

I agree with saying something like that, but I would definitely say more. Leaving it at that doesn't communicate the way the OP feels. The friend isn't a mind-reader, and she may not realize how her words impact the OP - especially if the OP has always listened, been nice, and never said that it bothers her.

I disagree with saying something vague and hoping the friend gets it. Why not just put it into words and have a conversation about it? It doesn't have to be a long conversation or a big deal, but I would start with, "I'm happy that you had such a wonderful time, but hearing about the holidays is difficult for me." These are lifelong friends - There's no reason why there shouldn't just be simple, honest communication.

If I was inadvertently rubbing salt into someone's wound, I would want to know about it. Especially a friend, and most especially a long-time friend.

qbetzforreal · ‎08-28-2010

Christmas was over two weeks ago. Is your friend still talking about the holidays? If not, then I think are being too sensitive and might be holding a grudge against your friend because she has something you don't have. Let it go or tell her you don't want to hear about her holiday celebrations with her family.

SleeplessinSD · ‎11-01-2010

She said she didn’t enjoy the holidays because, except for a sister that she no longer is in touch with, she has no family to share it with. She says she has told her friend this many times. Still, her friend goes on and on about the great time she enjoyed with her family. I agree with those that feel her friend should extend an invitation. Obviously, after all this time, she’s not going to get one. People talk when they have an audience. If she can’t find a way to be honest with her good friend, she needs to find a way to avoid her calls or keep them short until the holidays are over and done. BTW, I don’t think she’s over reacting...

~H~

Katcat1 · ‎07-21-2011

@ellaphant She is not a friend. A friend would invite you for Thanksgiving and Christmas since you are alone. Let her go and make new friends. She sounds very self absorbed.

kindness is strength

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

@Katcat1 wrote:
@ellaphant She is not a friend. A friend would invite you for Thanksgiving and Christmas since you are alone. Let her go and make new friends. She sounds very self absorbed.

The OP's friend has holiday dinners with her family who may not wish to include an outsider so inviting the OP would not be an option. Moverover, why would anyone want to include someone who doesn't enjoy the holidays?

roeroe1005 · ‎03-13-2010

I don't think you are over sensitive at all. If she is a "long time" friend, I assume she knows your family history. And knows you are alone on those holidays.

I grew up in a big Italian family with 20+ people the norm, even for Sunday dinners. If my mom/aunts knew of someone being alone on a holiday, you can bet they would be invited. And would be included in every aspect of the day. In the past I've invited friends or co-workers who are Jewish to join us for dinner because they have no plans.

I don't exchange gifts with my sister's in laws. But every Christmas night I am invited over my sister's SIL's family while the family opens gifts. And lately "Santa" has been slipping something small for me. It is just a nice feeling to be part of the craziness.

For a few years, one of my nephew's college friends was not able to spend the holidays with his parents as they live in London. So every Christmas Eve, up to last year (he has a girlfriend now), Tyler would be part of our dinners.

How can a "friend" knowingly let you be home alone? Sorry to come across like this, but I think it stinks. Next year take a trip or cruise for Christmas and tell her all YOUR stories.

chiclet · ‎03-19-2010

I really don't understand people. If I know a friend is going through money problems I would not go on about my new car or fancy vacation, if she is having problems with her son I would not tell her how my son just bought me a beautiful gift and took me to dinner, or if she had a terrible childhood I would not go on about how great mine was etc etc.......I filter the conversation so as not to bring more hurt or suffering to my friend but I don't find many who do that. They know you are hurting and take that opportunity to tell you how fortunate they are that they don't have that problem.

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

@ellaphant wrote:
My father died in 2005. My mother passed many years before that. My sister has not been in touch with our family for many, many years. Since I have no other family, I no longer really enjoy the holidays. I have told my oldest friend this on several ocassions. She has a large extended family and the day after Thanksgiving and Christmas she tells me all about the great food she had, who was there, and after Christmas she goes through all the presents she received. I find this very insensitive - and rude. I can tell you if the situation was reversed I would not do this. However, I am wondering am I over reacting??

@ellaphant

I haven't read any of the replies, but I will say yes you are, and no you aren't.

She is a good friend and should be a bit more sensitive to the fact that you are missing something that she is lucky enough to have. It's kind of like eating a sandwich and not sharing with the guy sitting next to you, who is starving and hasn't eaten in a few days. Not thoughtful or caring at all.

But on the other hand, if you do care about her, you want to be happy that she does have something good in her life, like family and time with them, even it you don't.

I have a friend that has lost most of the people in her life. She really suffered a lot of deaths in a 10 year period, mom, dad, father of her child, and a lot of cousins and aunts she was close to.

I feel so bad for her, as they were all about family. When I talk to her, I try to not go on about me and my mom and what we did, about the most recent holiday etc. I mean, I do talk some about those things, as it is my life, and she knows the people and she realizes just because she doesn't have something, others shouldn't be denied their joy.

I think we both try to be real and honest, but not over share or drone on about things that we know the other wishes for, but doesn't have. I want to share in both her joys and her sorrows and want her to do the same for me. We just seem to know the appropriate level of sharing and when it is going to be well received, and we always try to be happy for the joy in the other's life, even if we don't have that same joy and long for it.

There is definitely a balance, and definitely a need for the ability to know when and how much to share.