Am I being too sensitive? - Page 4

glb613 · ‎03-09-2010

On 3/12/2015 ditzy dori said: We own a condo in Florida, which we just bought about 6 months ago. I am retiring in 3 months and then I'm free to go down. In the meantime, my husband, who is already retired, just left today to go down and enjoy. I, however, had to stay home to go to work. I will meet him down there the Easter week. I would not have told him not to go. the fact that he wanted to go and did not care that I had to stay behind to work didn't bother him in the least, and that fact was enough to hurt me deeply. So I would have not "forced" him to stay until I could go. Hubby always was a "me me" person and I have gone along with that for 40 years. Now in my 60s it bothers me. What do you think? Am I being too sensitive or should I just s**k it up? (we will come back together after Easter.)

Nothing is more irritating then when people (mostly women) don't speak up. He can't possibly read your mind and know how upset you are about his leaving to have fun while you stay behind and work.

KittyLouSoutenu · ‎02-15-2015

It would have ticked me off.

But I probably wouldn't have stuck with a ""me me"" guy for 40 years.

LilacTree · ‎03-25-2012

I am not sure if you mean you are moving, or if you keep two homes. If you are permanently moving, wouldn't there be a lot of packing going on? Are you expected to do all of that and work too while he is reclining on the deck of your Florida condo? (Just had to get that out of the way.)

Frankly I would enjoy my alone time and do some fun activities with your friends and/or family while he's gone.

But then I am a twice divorced single woman who has never needed a man around. I can't imagine being upset about this. But I understand it's different when one is married for years and doesn't like the concept of being alone, even for a short time.

Try to enjoy it. He might be surprised and a little worried that this did not bother you and maybe will appreciate you a little more, you never know.

Formerly Ford1224
We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Elie Wiesel 1986

KittyLouSoutenu · ‎02-15-2015

Have you ever opened your mouth about his ""me me"" attitude in the past?

What was the result?

TaxyLady · ‎05-26-2011

After all those years of marriage, I would let this go. Maybe he will work on the Condo and get things ready for you to join him. Let's look at it this way. Is it not "me me" to want him to stay only because you would like to go too? Enjoy your life in Florida.

jubilant · ‎06-10-2010

On 3/13/2015 occasional rain said: What would he be doing at home all day while you are at work? I don't see any reason for him to wait around for you to be go along.

I would normally agree with this but, in reading between the lines, when she refers to a "me/me" type person and says she is tired of it and 40 yrs. tired of it... that tells me she probably has been too accommodating in her marriage. After this many years, he may just expect her to always follow his lead. This may not be the time to address that, but I would really like to know if he would get angry if she doesn't show up at a designated time or if he values her opinion on other things....or if he is the one who is always right. That may not be the case here...I'm not saying it is....BUT...If it is....and if it bothers her and brings much unhappiness..... then it would be wise to address it at some point. I could be dead wrong here but that's the vibes I'm getting.

KathyPet · ‎03-09-2010

You are expecting a man (who we all know are thick as bricks) to be sensitive to your feelings and have figured out that even though you didn't tell him not to go you don't want him to go? seriously??? have you never read The book ""Men are from Mars and Woman are from Venus""?

KittyLouSoutenu · ‎02-15-2015

On 3/13/2015 jubilant said:
On 3/13/2015 occasional rain said: What would he be doing at home all day while you are at work? I don't see any reason for him to wait around for you to be go along.

I would normally agree with this but, in reading between the lines, when she refers to a "me/me" type person and says she is tired of it and 40 yrs. tired of it... that tells me she probably has been too accommodating in her marriage. After this many years, he may just expect her to always follow his lead. This may not be the time to address that, but I would really like to know if he would get angry if she doesn't show up at a designated time or if he values her opinion on other things....or if he is the one who is always right. That may not be the case here...I'm not saying it is....BUT...If it is....and if it bothers her and brings much unhappiness..... then it would be wise to address it at some point. I could be dead wrong here but that's the vibes I'm getting.

I think you're probably right.

banjo · ‎03-09-2010

On 3/12/2015 traveler said:
Sorry, I can't relate. DH was in military for 24years and often lived someplace else. Then the last 6 years he lived alone in Alaska for 6 months while I returned to Michigan every summer. And you just have to wait 3 months?

I hear you! My husband was in the Air Force for 30 years, we were separated by his duty anywhere from a few days to 1 year. It is what it is. 3 months is nothing. The OP should do something to keep herself occupied instead of whining.

KittyLouSoutenu · ‎02-15-2015

On 3/13/2015 banjo said:
On 3/12/2015 traveler said:
Sorry, I can't relate. DH was in military for 24years and often lived someplace else. Then the last 6 years he lived alone in Alaska for 6 months while I returned to Michigan every summer. And you just have to wait 3 months?

I hear you! My husband was in the Air Force for 30 years, we were separated by his duty anywhere from a few days to 1 year. It is what it is. 3 months is nothing. The OP should do something to keep herself occupied instead of whining.

Isn't career related absence a little different than the OP's scenario?