Am I My Brother's Keeper? - Page 7

libbyannE · ‎10-27-2010

You have to tell him no, no, no. Period. It’s time for your brother to grow up and find a small apartment.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Peaches McPhee wrote:

The spare bedroom is full of clutter. What else can I do to make him not want to move in?

Just tell him. Don't hint around with cluttered bedrooms. Best he know now, so he can make other arrangements.

Assuming you can just move into someone else's home is pretty pushy. Just because he is pushy does not mean you have to be a pushover.

I agree about not hinting around about cluttered bedrooms. And don't come up with other game-playing tactics, either. He's your brother, and at the very least you should have an honest conversation. If he does plan to move in with you and that's out of the question, then he needs to know.

And he may also tell you that it wasn't his plan at all.

No matter what, you need to communicate with each other sooner rather than later so it doesn't become a last-minute emergency situation. It's unfair to him not to give him the opportunity to get his ducks in a row. Neither of you should be blindly assuming anything.

KathyM23 · ‎11-20-2010

Your brother needs to stop living in his truck NOW while he is still working and get a home base so he will already be set up when he stops driving so he has a place to call his own other than his truck when he comes off the road (which it seems is currently your house) His truck cannot be his primary home any longer. It is now time for him to plant his feet and find a real home. He will then have a place to store his "stuff" while he is on the road other than your house. What does he currently do regarding his mail, banking,

Help him find an adequate place to live near you so you can both still have your close relationship, but not too close. It seems without your help, he will not make the attempt to find a place to live - he seems like a free spirit and not an organizer or planner so you will have to light a fire under him and get his situation settled before it becomes urgent and no time to get established.

He will need to get set up while he still has an income from work. First and last month rent or down payment on house or mobile home for example. He will need furniture, appliances, kitchen items, towels, sheets, etc. He will need a working income to do this. Otherwise, he will end up staying with you "until he gets established" which I'm thinking will then be never.

Another poster mentioned once someone starts living in your home after a period of time it is considered their place of domicile and it can take legal action to move them out. You certainly don't want to get to that situation where it is either him living with you permanently or legal action as the alternative.

Best of luck to you - this is a hard situation to approach, but you need to get the wheels started.

Drythe · ‎07-09-2011

@drizzellla

You are obviously a kind, caring person, and you have been very generous with your brother and his daughter. It seems that you have welcomed him, fed him, taken him out to eat, provided Holiday respite, stored his stuff, and generally made him feel at home. It wouldn’t be surprising if he thinks it’s all just fine with you and your husband that he just continue as he has all along, except staying full time. In fact you said yourself you thought he might not leave unless he had his job to go to.

So, it seems reasonable to start now, as you said, proactively, to let him know that he needs to start looking for a place of his own, retirement or not. Not wanting to be mean, but he did choose to do what he’s been doing, and live in his truck, and use your home as a base for 15 years; that has been very kind of you and your DH. But it would be a shame if the two of you don’t finally get some time of your own, and your spare room back!

I would not give him any fairy tales about why because they always catch up, and not in a good way. I would ask what his plans are regarding his future living / home base arrangements. You can offer to help him look, but look and find he must, and you will have to be firm with him. And mean as it sounds, I would change the locks - he never has to know unless he tries to enter when you are away, and then, well you might be glad.

Please keep up, and let us know how it all goes. Maybe he has already made plans to move, and will surprise you!

Good Luck.

"Animals are not my whole world, but they have made my world whole" ~ Roger Caras

CalminHeart · ‎03-09-2010

Just say no! Tell him he needs to find his own place and don't let him stay, not even temporarily. That's what you have to do if you don't want your brother living with you forever. He's a big boy and needs to take care of himself.

Lindsays Grandma · ‎03-10-2010

I didn't read all the posts but the few I did read all said the same thing...don't do it. Now is the time for you to ask your brother where he intends to live when he no longer can work. If he suggests living with you be kind but firm and tell him that can't happen. Without a doubt, if you let him in it will be almost impossible to get him out. He is a grown man and needs to be responsible for himself and now is the time for him to start. I wish you lots of luck, stay strong.

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam

Its Me LuLuBelle2 · ‎10-12-2016

No, you are NOT your brother's keeper. My dad died young. My mother died 6 years ago and split her estate between my daughter and my kid brother only (4 sibs - 3 of us completely excluded from her will). The 2 of them each received 6 digit payouts. My brother has floated through life. In and out of college, training programs, job after job he didn't like and quit. He "borrowed" a lot of money from mom long before she died for one scheme after another and never paid a dime back. Think Ralph Kramden.

To make a long story short, my DH and I are snowbirds. We own homes in NY and FL free and clear - no mortgages. We've both worked hard for what we own, lived within our means, and are not extravagant people. About 6 months ago my brother called me and asked if he could live in our NY home while we were in FL and then in our FL home while we were in NY. The answer was a big fat, unequivocal NO! He has managed to blow through a 6 digit inheritance in a very short period of time - extravagant vacations, bad investments, expensive cars and NO (the dirty word) - WORK!

Sorry, time to get it together, my brother. Anything DH and I have, we've worked for and worked hard. I'm not going to support my 61 year "kid" old brother.