Am I My Brother's Keeper? - Page 5

RetRN · ‎10-01-2013

Tell him you are downsizing as you don't know how much longer you will be living in your home. Tell him that he will need to get his things out of storage at your home as soon as he retires and moves into his own place. Be firm!

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

Ask him what he is thinking if he does not pass the test, if he hints at living with you, you must be kind but firm...assist him in finding something he can afford. You will be miserable if you allow him to move in...and then down the road you will be his caretaker.

I don't mean to sound harsh but my sister spent 3 nights with us recently, I was miserable....your entire routine is upset.....

edited to fix typo

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

Yes, you have definitely become your brother’s keeper. Regardless of where work takes him, you, and your home have become home base. It sounds like you have always accommodated his needs, and he expects the arrangement to continue.

My suggestion is don’t wait until he fails a DOT physical and is at your door ready to move in; plant the seed now by questioning his plan for retirement. Unless you particularly want a freeloader, or even a rent paying tenant, you need to be making it clear to your brother that he needs to be developing a plan for where he’s going to live.

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

Now all you are thinking is that you don't want him living with you instead of giving thought to what is going to make him happiest. He seems to need direction so be proactive. Find him a retirement community on a lake where he will meet potential friends, can fish, have a boat. Suggest he buy it now so he can vacation there and you can visit him. Make it a positive, something he can look forward to enjoying.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@drizzellla. To me, your immediate step should be to TELL him to post haste get an apartment or room and GET HIS STUFF OUT of your house. You do not deserve to live this way. You deserve to live in the home. you all have worked hard to pay for.

You don't deserve to live in someone's storage shed. That right there shows how concerned about what you have to put up with. If he has money he needs to use it!

People take advantage of you because you let them and it is so hard to get out of that pattern. I know because I was there for far too many years. You do not have to be mean or do you have to be ugly to them, but you also don't have to be everyone's hotel, storage shed and rooming house.

You are NOT being terrible to not allow this. Worry about yourself too!

DearPrudence · ‎06-19-2010

I'd ask him now what his plans are for retirement. If he only has one daughter, I'd think he would want to be near her and his grandchildren.

Lilysmom · ‎03-09-2010

@drizzellla, I haven’t read every reply but I do have two things to say.

First, you are a very good sister to have taken your brother and his child in many times. Bless you for that.

I had a situation somewhat like yours. My brother came to stay after he had an argument at his home. I don’t love long term company. I had a very busy career and my home was my haven to ‘de-stress’ after a long week at work, a lot of it spent travelling.

When he came, he started telling me all the details of the latest argument. I don’t have any need to hear that. He told me he was definitely separating from his wife. When I heard that, I said ok, here’s the paper. Let’s look for a place for you to live. I went with him to look at apartments and paid his first month’s rent.

At the end of the day, he got back together with his wife (I knew he would) and he paid me back the rent money.

These situations are hard to deal with. My personal belief is that you should be straight up with him. Best wishes @drizzellla. LM

PS, @drizzellla, don’t sick him on anyone else (his daughter for example). Not a nice thing to do. Help him find a place. End of story. It’s a tough one to stand your ground but the angst if you don’t is even worse. Good luck!

RespectLife · ‎02-27-2012

@drizzellla

I do not see you as a 'push over'. I see you as a very caring, loving person who has done much for her family.

Bless you for your generosity and kindness. It WILL be rewarded...if not now....later!

You have a good heart!

pigletsmom · ‎11-21-2011

Honestly I'm not sure you have much to worry about. It sounds like he was a little flighty when he divorced but he's taken care of himself since. He had a plan and followed through.

So when he mentions retiring again find out if he's thinking of living in your area. If yes tell him when he knows for sure when he's going to finish up you'll start looking around for apartments for him. Hard for him to do if he's on the road but you can work toward finding something so he's good to go when he gets back. If I were him I wouldn't want to live with anyone after spending that much time doing his own thing.