Am I My Brother's Keeper? - Page 3

CelticCrafter · ‎03-09-2010

If he should ask just say no, you're set in your ways and have your own routine.

If you do let him move in, even with a timeline to get on his feet and back out on his own, there's no guarantee he will ever leave.

Lucky Charm · ‎03-09-2010

I can understand the *angst* of wondering if his plan is to move in with you.

Obviously he's opened up to you about his concerns for not passing driving tests, etc.

The next time the conversation comes up, you could sort of broach the subject about his plans on where he plans on living.

Without bringing up the past of how kind you've been treating him (and his daughter), maybe you could mention helping him look for a place to live if he has to change careers.

It doesn't have to be an apartment, unless he wouldn't mind having one. If he can't afford a house down payment, perhaps a trailer/mobile home.

You don't really need to give him explanations on why you don't want him living with you. He really shouldn't expect that from you--it would be very rude of him and selfish. But if it takes that turn, be prepared.

I wouldn't back down, though. There is no reason he can't get along on his own. You have your life, and he should respect that.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@drizzellla

PLEASE don't waste precious time .... he needs advance warning, to know that he will need to find his own place .... or maybe he can go live with his lazy daughter? (LOL -- I doubt that's a serious solution, but had to say it) ....if you need help with the actual words, people have made suggestions, and get your hubby ready for what's coming and that he needs to back you.

Sweetbay magnolia · ‎04-14-2013

Tell him.

Of course I can't understand your situation; those emotionally fraught situations are so very personal.

I have had some similar things occur in the past few years. I have swallowed and at first, hinted, then stated, what the score was.

My life comes first in situations like this. In my experience, I fail to excuse what I consider to be less than responsible behavior by providing safe harbor. Someone in dire need ? Of course.

Good luck to you. Of course you have to live with it either way. Or, maybe it will never come up and you're off the hook! I have learned to not open the door when I foresee trouble coming.

Cogito ergo sum

CANDLEQUEEN · ‎03-09-2010

The next time the subject comes up, ask him what his plans are for retirement, if he ends up having to retire.

Then offer to help him find a place of his own, offer to go with him to check places out, and offer to assist him in every way.

He may not even know where to begin to look for a place to live, since he hasn't ever had his own apartment. I also agree that he needs to start soon on this a a lot of places for over 55 have waiting lists.Plus he is going to have to have money saved up for security deposits,etc......

Let him know you are there for him, but he can't live with you...Offer as much help as you can, he is your brother and you would want his help if you needed it, but DO NOT offer him your spare bedroom...

Be firm, but kind and pray about this! Good Luck!

Kitlynn · ‎03-09-2010

The best thing you can do for him and yourself is to be honest. You don't have to do it in a mean or rude way but just tell him right up front that he needs to get his own place. That now would be a good time to get one then he can store his stuff there and have things ready for if and when he retires. It is better to be honest and work through what ever needs to be done and have a relationship with him than let resentment build and end up with no relationship down the road.

Silver Lining · ‎04-16-2010

He has told you he might suddenly retire. He has already taken over one of your bedrooms with everything he owns that won't fit in the truck. Considering his pattern of staying with you whenever he needs or wants to, I think he pretty much intends to move into your house. You should tell him now that he has to make arrangements to live in an apartment or rent a room somewhere immediately so he will have somewhere to live from now on. You and your husband need your space and privacy. He might not realize it now, but so does he. Believe me, once he moves in you will never get him out. You love him and you will be stuck with him. Love and feeding him forever will turn to resentment or worse. Tell him NOW that he has to find and move into a place of his own. He needs to anyway.

LizzieInSRQ · ‎12-27-2010

Ask him what his long term plan is.

I told my brother who wanted to move in with me after another planless brother moved out...I'm not running a home for brothers who fail to plan...I'm done. . Mind you both were over 55 and trying to get away from girlfriends they leeched off of over 20 yrs.

Screw that...You oh nothing but a "no" said directly, not in anger, but just no.YOU must ask so you are in control of yourself and not cornered in a last minute.

freakygirl · ‎07-03-2014

say no. you don’t have to defend your decision to him, or to anyone. it’s your house. if you give in, he’ll likely never see fit to leave. i suggest you come right out and tell him now, that he better find a place to live and start making plans, in case his trucking job ceases. don’t waiver. you’ll end up miserable.

kitcat51 · ‎09-15-2016

No you're not he's keeper. Lots of your concern comes from assuming by his past behavior what's to come so don't assume anymore have a blunt conversation & be firm... no moving in not even for a short stay, no more storage & need to remove what's in your home but (& here's what I'm assuming) should he chose to live nearby you're happy to help in HIS search for a place to live. To me your brother is capable but not responsible & that's his problem not yours. Best Wishes.