Community Chat

[manny2]

I  would caution any current spouse to stay out of it. Never get in between a parent and child. No matter how old they are.

[NicksmomESQ]

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@manny2 wrote:

I  would caution any current spouse to stay out of it. Never get in between a parent and child. No matter how old they are.

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  I totally agree with your statement. But if the husband doesn't want to go because of his own reasons he shouldn't have to. Some relationships with exes are extremely toxic & people have a right to stay away.

 Good parents always go above & beyond for their kids. However, sometimes you're asked to do something that would bring you back to a place that you can't handle. You're children have to understand this. Every "ex" relationship is different & you can't judge them all the same way.

[kaydee50]

I find it odd that so many responses defend the "kids."  What about the father?  They should show some respect to him and understand when he says no, he doesn't want to attend.  Grow up "kids"!!

[ManyMeows]

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@kaydee50 wrote:

I find it odd that so many responses defend the "kids."  What about the father?  They should show some respect to him and understand when he says no, he doesn't want to attend.  Grow up "kids"!!

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🤔 Agreed ...... It was made very clear to the Mature Adult Sons that their Elderly Father is currently dealing with health issues. And I'm guessing that Dad is approaching close to 80 years old?

It's time for those sons to take a step back and give their Dad the respect he deserves.

He will still be there after the funeral is over. They can easily arrange to visit him at his home and have some quiet alone time in a far more comfortable atmosphere.

[sunshine45]

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@kaydee50 wrote:

I find it odd that so many responses defend the "kids."  What about the father?  They should show some respect to him and understand when he says no, he doesn't want to attend.  Grow up "kids"!!

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@kaydee50 

i will be 61 years old soon and i will say i STILL need my mother, especially during difficult and emotional times. 

i will also say that i am ALWAYS there when my kids need me and they are all adults. it actually makes my heart hurt when they hurt and i will do everything in my power to make that go away, especially if it is an emotional request. i dont think twice about it. if they need me, i am there.

[RetRN]

It doesn't sound like he remained friends with the deceased or saw her. Why on earth should he attend the funeral? Just because these whiney sons want him there is not a reason for him to attend. Dad has clearly moved on with his life and should be allowed to make his own decisions without interference from adult sons. Hope they leave him alone and go with their families. 

[patbz]

All divorces are different and some are beyond painful. DH was divorced 43 years ago and, among other things, she stole his 12 yr old son ( he didn't reconnect until his son turned 30).  The last thing in earth DH would do is attend ex's funeral ( he'd rather see her in jail).His son is well aware of Dad's feelings and fully understands his position ( non negotiable).

[Cakers3]

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@Love my grandkids wrote:

@PickyPicky3 The OP states the ex has several siblings who will attend. It's in her post.

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@Love my grandkids  She asked if the stepsons have children/friends. She didn't ask if the Ex had siblings. It's in her post.

@Trailrun23  This really is an odd situation and all your DH can do is decide and firmly tell his sons he will not attend.

You know emotions run high in families as it is, nevermind regarding a death.

Will this affect his relationship with his sons? Does he see them and the grandchildren? Is this funeral far away?

I'm sorry that this situation is troubling for you both. I hope the sons can find some peace because this is their mom.

All he can do is stand his ground. I hope for the best for everyone.

[occasionalrain]

Most of us who are parents would feel honored that our children want us to accompany them to the funeral. So many, some on this BB, are hurt that their children have made clear they are not wanted.

I see this father as selfish and unkind. He won't put aside his feelings for even a few hours to please his sons. 

[RetRN]

He needs to take care of himself and do what is right for him, not worry about pleasing others. 

If the boys were close with their mother and want to attend that is what they should do.