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Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,010
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Akward request to attend funeral

@RetRN 

Someday when the father needs his son's, I hope thay tell him that he needs to take care of himself.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,494
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Akward request to attend funeral

My husband has an ex wife, and I highly doubt that we would want to attend her funeral.  As far as the adult children they should have not put that pressure on their father.  

 

I would be concerned if the children decide to quit seeing their father over this issue.

 

I suppose if the funeral is in the same area, the father could go with the ADULT chidlren to the viewing, maybe 30 minutes before it is open to the public, view the body, sign the guest book and leave.  My ex brother in law did that when my grandma died, although we would have welcomed him...it was MY SISTER that I would have preferred not to see.

 

Shame on these children...there should have been 1 request and when he declined it should have been dropped.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,236
Registered: ‎07-23-2010

Re: Akward request to attend funeral

@Kachina624 I totally understand that feeling. I don't plan to attend my ex's funeral either (as far as I know he's still in this world). He remarried & had children from that marriage. I neither need nor want to attend.

 

 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,236
Registered: ‎07-23-2010

Re: Akward request to attend funeral

the way I read the OP @kaydee50 it doesn't sound like the sons had a good relationship with the mother either. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 31,164
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

Re: Akward request to attend funeral


@occasionalrain wrote:

@RetRN 

Someday when the father needs his son's, I hope thay tell him that he needs to take care of himself.

 

Yup.  And guess who won't be going to their father's wife's funeral.  I think this probably the wife's decision, not her husband's.  This is how families become broken and estranged.  Unnecessary acts of meanness or cruelty.  


 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,776
Registered: ‎07-18-2013

Re: Akward request to attend funeral

To me:   It's always about what the deceased might want.  Would the dead person want me (or your DH in this case) at the funeral?  If DH wants to go to the funeral and feels that the deceased would be ok with it or want him there, then ok.   But what the estranged son wants doesn't cut it for me.  

If my dog doesn't like you, neither do I.
Valued Contributor
Posts: 790
Registered: ‎07-06-2016

Re: Akward request to attend funeral

[ Edited ]

@Trailrun23 wrote:

"They were not close to her and hadn't even seen her in a long time as she lived out of state."

If the son's weren't close to her while she was alive, seems to me that they're feeling guilty for their own decisions and are trying to make their father feel the same way.

Very selfish IMO, especially knowing that their father isn't well.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,026
Registered: ‎05-23-2011

Re: Akward request to attend funeral

In these instances it should be case by case. Many posters have given specific cases and I agree with both sides.

 

My parents should never had gotten married, they argued all day everyday despite having four daughters together. My sisters often wondered how we were all conceived. they divorced when I was nine. They became better friends after their divorce and when my oldest sister had her wedding they planned it together.

 

When I was 16 my father was diagnosed with aggressive lung cancer with only months to live, if it wasn't for our mother and her support I don't know how my sisters and I would have gotten through his illness and death. My oldest sister was already out of the home but my twin and youngest sister (11) were still at home.

 

My mother took us to see him, spoke with his doctors and communicated with our father's relatives. She gave her input for his services and attended the funeral but not the burial. 

 

@Trailrun23, I respect your husband's decision.

You Don't Own Me- Leslie Gore
(You don't Know) How Glad I Am- Nancy Wilson
Frequent Contributor
Posts: 139
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Akward request to attend funeral

This post really tics me off.

 

Immature to grieve for the loss of your mother?  Awkward to ask one parent to support their child during a funeral for the other parent?

 

There's something wrong with you.

 

 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,001
Registered: ‎01-11-2014

Re: Akward request to attend funeral

🤔 If these boys were not even close to their mother, why on earth would they expect their father to attend his ex-wife's funeral? It's sounds as though the boys are trying to impress their mother's side of the family and use Dad as a buffer because they weren't around for their Mom.

 

Dad's allowed to stay home. He's already done his part.